To be with another is to lose one's self
by unbelievabletekkers
Summary: Rachel is being harassed by Karofsky, what will she put up with to protect her makeshift family? Brittana and eventually Faberry,very A.U... the 4 girls as a family unit.
1. Chapter 1

Hey ok my first attempt at glee seeing as oth doesn't inspire me anymore, this is quite au, and it will make more sense at it goes along... as more is revealed hope you like.

Rachel Barbra Berry walked down the hallway her eyes cast down, waiting for the inevitable slushy to impact with her face. She got to her locker and opened it cautiously, her back still tense half expecting to feel the icy slush drip down her back. She took a deep breath and rested her head on the inside of her locker. Rachel took that moment to compose herself; she quickly righted herself, and in that instance put on her show face. Putting on that smile that never quite reached her eyes, as soon as she had turned back from her locker she felt the ice make contact with her face and slip down over the front of her jumper. She lifted her hand up to wipe the flavoured ice out of her face, and spluttered slightly at the slushy that had made its way into her mouth. She glanced at Karofsky who was high fiving his buddy in celebration. Rachel just turned back to her locker quickly to grab a change of clothes and a towel. The hallway was practically deserted. She sighed in relief; it would not have been worth the drama if she had seen that happen.

Rachel walked into Spanish class late due to the Slushy incident. Mr Schue just raised an eyebrow at her lateness but chose not to comment, instead returning to the tenses he was teaching on the white board in front of him. Rachel opened her book up and then proceeded to doodle musical notes on the front of her Spanish book, until she was interrupted by her phone vibrating in her pocket. She glanced discreetly at the message, 'where the hell have you been?' Rachel sighed at the message, before typing a quick reply. 'I got caught up in the choir room; you know how involved I get when I'm practicing.' There was a gap of a few minutes, before Rachel got a reply, 'I don't believe you, and you know S won't either...' Rachel groaned and rested her head against her desk, and dramatically lightly hit her head against it until she was interrupted by another text, 'that won't help you baby girl so stop it, we'll talk after glee, all of us.' Rachel decided she better at least pretend to be listening to Mr. Schue. As soon as the bell rang, she rushed out of the room like a bat out of hell; she hurried over to her locker, glancing repeatedly over her shoulder to make sure she wasn't being followed. Jacob was waiting patiently by her locker, a bag in his hands. Rachel cringed to herself. "Here's your dry cleaning Rachel, all of the slushy is out of them..."

"How much do I owe you?" interrupted Rachel reaching into her purse.

"Uh uh," cut in Jacob "you promised me a pair of panties a week if I sorted out your slushy mishaps."

"You're such a creep Jacob,"

"Be that as it may, hand them over or I'll tell the girlies all about Karofsky..."

"Fine," cut of Rachel in exasperation, "I'll give you them tomorrow." Jacob passed the bag into Rachel's hand, his hand lingering on hers longer than was necessary. Rachel quickly stuffed the bag into hers. "Until next time my love," whimpered Jacob as he practically skipped off. Rachel lifted her wrist up, to look at her watch. She looked up in alarm she was so going to be late for glee and she was never late, early but never late. She slung her bag over her shoulder and started off towards to the choir room, when something big blocked her path. Rachel felt herself pushed up against the locker, a strong hand rested on her knee and slowly slid up her leg and up her skirt. She was breathing heavily in shock. "Have you missed me Berry?"

"Get off me Karofsky... I need to get to glee..."

"Shh Berry you know our agreement now don't you? One word and I ruin everything."

A solitary tear dripped down her face and Dave Karofsky tightens his grip on her leg and used his other hand to massage her breast harshly, he leaned in and kissed her neck possessively. Rachel whimpered and Dave sighed, "Stop pretending you don't like it, I'll text you tonight, you remembered to save me under Finn on your phone right." Rachel just nodded in response.

"Good girl," he replied. Dave pulled her away from the locker and slapped her butt to send her on the way. Rachel walked quickly to the choir room, waited for a second outside then put on her show face. Then strutted in, "sorry I'm late guys I got caught up in the library perusing possible options for sectionals..."

"No problem," replied Mr Schue, hoping to halt Rachel mid-rant. He motioned over towards the chairs. She sighed considerably when she saw the only free chair was between Santana and Quinn.

"Ok guys," started Mr Schue, "I need to go and print off some more sheet music so I'll be back in 5, just talk amongst yourselves." Rachel's worst nightmare just came true she glanced over and saw Kurt and Mercedes chatting animatedly, the football boys were play-wrestling. She turned to her right, and saw Santana staring at her with one of her patented looks; she shrunk down into her chair. Rachel then turned to her left and saw Quinn looking at her with the same look, she then turned behind her and saw Brittney attempting to give her the same look but not looking anywhere near as intimidating as the other cheerleaders.

"Ok can we stop giving me evils..." stated Rachel. Quinn shook her head vehemently, "No way baby girl what the hell is going on you're never late for glee? Something is going on; you have been acting weird for weeks."

"Don't you think you're over-reacting a tad?"

If anything Santana's look hardened, and Rachel inwardly cringed and her stomach turned in knots. Rachel just continued, "Can we talk about this at home at least?" a hopeful tone in her voice. Santana's facial expression didn't falter or change, Brittany rested her arms loosely around Santana's neck. She visibly relaxed and shared a look with Quinn, "Fine baby, but don't you think we won't be discussing this at home."

Puck looked over at the girls, "did Santana just say baby?" he asked incredulously. Santana quickly morphed back into HBIC mode and burnt a hole through puck with her eyes. "Or not..." finished Puck quietly looking sheepishly at the floor. For the rest of the practice, Rachel was unusually quiet, though the rest of glee club noticed they decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so Kurt used the occasion to push for more solos. While the girls just tried to hide the concern. "We'll call it a day there," finished Mr Schue, as he packed up his bag. The glee kids stood up, Finn made his way over to Rachel, looking at her with a puppy dog expression, "hey Rachel."

"Rachel can't talk now Franken teen, she'll ring you later to discuss your infatuation." Finn just stood there staring between Santana and Rachel.

"Santana, there's no need to be rude." Cut in Rachel. Santana just raised her eyebrow; Brittany wrapped her in a hug to calm her down. "Let's go now," Stated Santana. She marched out of the room, Brittany following. Quinn turned to Rachel, "come on babe, talk to Finn later can you please not piss Santana off anymore?" she asked pleadingly. "Fine," acquiesced Rachel, "talk to you later Finn."

Santana was waiting in the car drumming her fingertips against the steering wheel impatiently. Rachel wrenched the back passenger door open got in and slammed it shut. Santana took a deep breath and looked in her rear view mirror, at Rachel who was sat in the backseat arms across her chest. Quinn opened the other back door gently and climbed in and put her seatbelt on. They all sat stationary in the car for a few minutes, "well are we going home or not?" cut in Rachel.

"Well we will go as soon as you put your seatbelt on," replied Santana.

"You know I don't wear a seatbelt," responded Rachel.

"It's the law Rachel I'm fed up of having this argument with you everyday!"

Quinn could sense the rising tensions in the car; Santana was gripping the steering wheel hard. When surprisingly Brittany broke the silence, "put your seatbelt on right now Rachel!"

Rachel looked at her in shock; Brittany always called her 'Ray Ray' or some kind of endearment. She grudgingly clicked the seatbelt in, and Santana then pulled away from McKinley High. The drive was completed in absolute silence no radio no sounds, just the occasional moan from Rachel which just angered Santana even more. As soon as she pulled into the driveway, Rachel jumped out of the car and headed into the house. Santana took a deep breath and pulled the car key out of the ignition. Brittany and Quinn stayed in the car with Santana, "what's going on with her? When did our baby change?" Brittany looked at her sadly, shocked to see her Santana looking so defeated. She leant over and kissed Santana on the lips, it was soft and comforting. Quinn just smiled in the back seat, "god do you guys have to be constantly loved up?"

Brittany just smirked at Quinn, "come on let's go deal with Rachel?"

"Can I kill the dwarf?" questioned Santana. Brittany responded by slapping her playfully. All three of them walked into the house.

"We'll cook dinner," stated Quinn motioning towards herself and Brittany.

"I'll go deal with the baby then." Replied Santana. She climbed up the stairs and stood outside the bedroom that had a gold star outside, it was the room Rachel shared with Quinn. She knocked on the door and entered. Rachel was lying on her bed, listening to her iPod. She sat up and had the grace to look sheepishly at Santana. "Um...sorry," Santana's heart melted a little, "what's going on Rach? You've been acting weird for ages?"

Rachel sighed loudly and put her show face on, "it's nothing Santana I'm just missing my dads' and wondering about my mom," she lied hoping that Santana was buying it. Rachel watched Santana's face soften. "I know it must be hard Rachel, it's hard on all of us, but our situation is so delicate any mess ups and we'll be split up you know that right?" Rachel just nodded; she knew how important it was. "They gave me guardianship of you and Quinn, but we need to be damn near perfect, that means perfect attendance at school and no lates. You with me Rachel? And you can't question me in public ok? If they think I don't have control you and Quinn could go into foster care?"

"I know all this San; you don't have to remind me ok!"

"Well I obviously do," replied Santana curtly, "your 15 Rach..."

"16 next month," cut in Rachel.

"That's irrelevant," stated Santana, "I'm your legal guardian, and I'm 18."

"6 months ago you were a drinking, drug-taking slut and now you're all miss responsible." Santana sighed heavily.

"Stop it Rachel I've grown up I've had to, now go downstairs and apologise to Brittany."

Rachel flopped down onto her bed. "I'm just gonna ring Finn first." Santana rolled her eyes but left her to it.

Reviews=very quick updates, just because it's inspiring, even if it's critical, you learn more from your mistakes than your victories!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_**Wow loving the response...hence quick update. Can't believe the amount of people who have put it on story alert after one chapter. If only I had as many reviews as alerts (hint). I get that people are probably a little confused but the back story will slowly start to reveal itself. I'm not a massive fan of exposition. I could have started with a massive prologue explaining the whole verse but I thought it would be more interesting to do it this way. If you're massively confused about anything then please ask, and if you think you can guess any of the back story please do. You never know your ideas might be better than what I have planned! Anyway hope you enjoy. **_

_**...**_

Rachel was still sat up on her bed; she was looking over a picture of her and her dads'. Santana was in the picture as well for once in her life there was a real smile on her face instead of the smirk that usually graced it. She traced the outline of the photo with her finger until she was interrupted by her phone buzzing. 'Meet me 2morro, bleachers at 8.' Rachel sighed to herself for the umpteenth time that day. She got up and walked down the stairs. Brittany was at the stove; Rachel went behind her and wrapped her arms tightly around her waist. Brittany relaxed into the hold, before turning around and enveloping the smaller girl in a hug, and lifting her a few inches of the ground. "Brit put me down," giggled Rachel. Brittany released her gently to the ground, kissing her on the forehead. "Go set the table Ray Ray," replied Brittany, sending her off with a playful swat. She turned towards Quinn, "can you go get S?" Quinn just nodded then headed out of the room. By the time Quinn and Santana were back downstairs, the food was already out. They all sat down, and awkward tension remained between them. Santana huffed when she saw the small plate of vegetables in front of Rachel, "you still on this vegan kick then?"

"It's not a vegan kick Santana, it's the way I chose to life my life."

"Fine," responded Santana holding her hands up in mock surrender, "just don't forget to take your vitamins."

"You realise vitamins are unnecessary, when eating a balanced vegan diet."

"Just humour me Rachel," Rachel just nodded and an uneasy silence again enveloped the table. The only sounds being heard was the clinging of metal cutlery.

"This shouldn't be this awkward," spoke up Quinn. "Come on guys we're family..."

"If we're family, then that means Santana and Brittany are committing incest, by having familial sexual intercourse." Santana dropped her fork onto her plate, with a loud clang, and gripped the side of the table hard until her knuckles went white. Brittany laid her hand on Santana's leg and rubbed soothing circles into it, trying to relax the angry girl.

"We are the only family you have Rachel," cut in Quinn angrily. "Do you think we all chose this? I miss them too."

"They weren't your dads!"

"Well one of them wasn't yours either then," spoke up Brittany. Rachel just growled in response before dramatically standing up, sending her chair flying to the floor. Quinn sighed, "I'll go talk to her," she went to stand up but was stopped by Santana's hand on her wrist.

"Finish your dinner Q, let her cool down."

Brittany looked up from her plate, "why doesn't she understand that we miss them too?"

"She had them first I guess," replied Quinn. "I love her but she's still Rachel Berry, she is always going to be a little self-absorbed."

Santana scoffed, "just a little."

"Play nice," scolded Brittany. Santana stood up collecting plates, "I'm gonna wash up, it will be a welcome distraction from the dwarf upstairs."

Santana sauntered out of the room. Quinn finally stood up shared a nod with Brittany and headed up to her and Rachel's room. Rachel was laying on her bed staring at the ceiling, Quinn came in and sat on the bed beside her, Rachel moved her body so she way laying in the foetal position her head on Quinn's lap.

"What you thinking about baby girl?" queried Quinn.

Rachel took a deep breath, "I was thinking about that time Santana tried to get me drunk,"

Quinn's eyebrows rose in surprise, "what made you think of that?"

"Don't you remember how my dad reacted, it was the first time I remember seeing Santana look scared!"

"Well she did try and get his baby drunk..."

Rachel huffed in mock anger, before turning serious, "I miss Santana."

Quinn looked at her in confusion, "what do you mean?"

"I miss Santana; I miss my friend, who always tried to get me drunk, despite my adamant remonstrations that I would never damage my vocal chords in such a way."

Quinn couldn't help but grin at that.

"I think I get that Rach, but it's hard for San, she's trying so..."

"Oh trust me I know how trying she is..."

"Rach, don't be like that," replied Quinn. Rachel had the grace too look slightly ashamed at being rebuked by Quinn. She snuggled further into Quinn. "you know you love structure, from you work out at 6.45, to glee at 4, Santana just wants to make sure we have some sense of normalcy."

"But we're aren't normal Quinn. I mean of course we could discourse the meaning of the word normal, so for the point of this discussion we can take it as meaning average..."

Quinn just giggled, "Shut it Rachel," she swooped down and kissed her forehead lightly, lingering perhaps too long. They sat there just enjoying the moment, Rachel turned on the T.V, and pressed play on the DVD, "funny girl again?" asked Quinn incredulously. Rachel just looked up at her with her 50 watt smile. "Fine," Quinn replied giving into Rachel's puppy dog eyes. They just lay there basking in each other's company, Quinn running her fingers through Rachel's hair, neither said a word. Words not needed, they were content in that moment, they didn't even notice when the end credits rolled. The moment was interrupted by Brittany entering the room. "Ok kiddies, S says PJ's and bed."Quinn rolled her eyes jokily, but went to get changed. Rachel just pouted at her, but decided against another fight and also got changed into a pair of shorts and tank top. "Thanks Ray Ray." They both climbed into their separate beds, and with a quick goodnight from Brittany, the light was turned off. The room had been dark for 5 minutes when she felt her bed depress down with added weight. Quinn lived her bed sheet up, and felt Rachel crawl in next to her. Rachel rested her head on Quinn's chest and was soothed to sleep listening to the sound of Quinn's heartbeat, as Quinn's arms held her tightly.

...

"Quinn! Would you hurry up? We have early morning cheerio practice in the gym, I'm not take shit from the she-demon because you couldn't shower in less than 45 minutes," yelled Santana up the stairs. Rachel was stood by the door tapping her foot impatiently against the floor. "I'm missing out on practice time, how can you ever expect me to fulfil my potential and enter Broadway if I don't practice every day."

Santana rolled her eyes at the diva, before turning back to the stairs to see Quinn walking down in her cheerio's outfit, her hair tied back. Rachel looked over at her, and couldn't help but be awestruck by how beautiful the blonde girl was.

"Well come on then," replied Quinn, "where's Brittany?"

"She's already in the car," said Santana. The group of girls headed out to the car. Brittany was already in the driving seat. As they approached the car Quinn yelled out, "shotgun!" Santana just rolled her eyes, but then nodded in agreement. They all got into the car, then the 3 girls turned looking expectantly at Rachel.

"I'm not wearing it," Rachel stated firmly.

"You don't get a choice Rachel just put it on, this argument it getting really old."

"No I won't."

In frustration Santana just reached over grabbed the seatbelt and strapped her in. Rachel went to release it but was stopped by Santana's hand grabbing hers, she then felt Santana's other hand slap her thigh. Brittany pulled the car out of the driveway and headed towards the high school. Rachel scowled at Santana, "so you want me to die then?"

Santana looked her in the eye, "stop being so melodramatic Rachel!"

"Well I wouldn't be here today if I was wearing a seat-belt that day now would I?" Tension overtook the car as all the girls avoided looking at each other. The only other sound was the voice of Cee Lo coming from the car radio urging people to forget you.

...

"I'm going to meet Finn," stated Rachel as the car had pulled to a stop out the school, "i'll see you guys later."

Rachel headed out of the car slamming the door behind her. She headed quickly to the bleachers. "You're late Berry."

"Do you want Santana to find out about this?" replied Rachel.

"Watch your mouth Berry, don't talk back to me, I hold all the books."

"You mean cards, the idiom is hold all the cards,"

"Don't correct me," stated Dave harshly, grabbing Rachel and pulling her towards him. He leant down and licked her face possessively. "Know your place in this arrangement, you are mine now. What are you?"

Rachel looked down at the floor, "I'm yours," she whispered.

"I don't think I heard you..." Rachel looked up at him hatefully.

"I'm yours," she spat at him. He ran her hands all over her body, groping, grabbing her flesh aggressively, and tweaking her nipples through her jumper. He kissed her neck before putting his hand up the back of her jumper, his calloused hands felt like sandpaper against the smooth skin of her back. He suddenly let go, "you better go to your lessons, but before you go I've got you a present,"

Rachel raised her eyebrow at him, "if you ever feel guilty about what happened and I know you must, because if I was you. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. This will help." He handed a razor over to her. She looked at him in disdain, "as if I would ever do that, scars would severely impact my future Broadway career."

He just shrugged his shoulders at her, "it's your conscience," Rachel took the razor from his outstretched hand, and stuffed it hurriedly into her bag, "I'll take it if it means you leave me alone for the rest of the day." Dave Karofsky just nodded, but he nodded the glint of self-doubt in her eyes. Satisfaction taking over him as he left the bleachers. This was going to be far too easy.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Rachel was tapping her pen on her book impatiently, waiting for the lunch bell to ring. It rang out, and the scuffling on chairs and bag-packing overtook the room. She hurriedly stuffed her book into her bag, but was interrupted by Mrs Carey her English teacher.

"Rachel can I see you a moment?" she slumped back into her chair and waited for the room to empty before approaching the teacher. Mrs Carey pulled out a piece of paper from her folder, a glaring F on it.

"What's going on Rachel? You are an A grade student and you're now failing. I'm aware of your situation, but if this continues I will have to report it to the principal."

"One failing grade! It's only one."

"But it's not only one Rachel," she held out a slip of paper, "I need you to get this signed by your guardian."

"I think she's in your period next why don't you give it to her then," scoffed Rachel. "Who do you send a note to if Santana's failing?"

"Rachel, you know the answer to that, Mr Schuester, as he is your assisted living helper," replied Mrs Carey. "Bottom line Rachel I need that paper signed."

"Fine," replied Rachel snatching the paper from her hand, and storming out the room. She rushed into the nearest toilet, marching into the cubicle slamming it and locking it behind her. Breathing heavily she sat down on the seat, trying to calm herself down. She reached into her bag and pulled out the little blade, she stared at it a long time and began to lower it to her arm. She paused in that second, then scoffed to herself shaking her head, and threw the blade back in her bag. Rachel stood up smoothing down her skirt, and then sauntered out of the toilet with the million dollar smile on her face.

...

"Hey Rachel, do you want to practice that duet later?" said Finn.

"That sounds perfectly acceptable Finn, meet in the choir room at 3?" Finn nodded in agreement, before heading over to the football field with a big smile on his face.

Rachel's phone vibrated in her pocket she glanced at the screen, 'who do you belong to?'

She text back instantly, "you." Rachel returned her phone to her pocket and starting put her English books into her locker. Quinn walked up to, "hey Rach, how's your day going?"

"It's ok; I'm meeting Finn later to practice our glee duet."

Quinn smile dropped but she replaced it quickly trying to hide her jealously. "Oh when are you meeting him?"

"After school," replied Rachel shutting her locker. Quinn raised her eyebrow, "have you asked S?"

"No why would I?"

Quinn sighed in exasperation, "Rachel you have to stop this, S gives us all lifts home, if you stay late how would you get home?"

"I'd walk," said Rachel instantly.

"It's 5 miles." Cut off Quinn.

"Then I'll get Finn to give me a lift."

"Rachel stop being this way, just ask S for permission."

"Why should I?"

"Would you have asked your dads for permission?" asked Quinn. Rachel's face turned sour, but Quinn just continued. "You are making this harder than it needs to be, stop fighting San about everything. She's only 18, and she lost her parents too."

"They were my parents Quinn,"

"They were also Santana's for 3 years as well, they fostered her, and they were going to foster me."

Rachel despite her sadness giggled slightly, "god they were turning our house into a gay refuge all we needed was Kurt to complete the package." Rachel's laughter broke the barrier and soon Quinn was laughing too, with the rest of the student body staring at the 2 girls laughing by the lockers.

"Do you remember what your dad used to say?"

"We are all berry gay here," finished Rachel still giggling, "a terrible statement, though I was clear to point out him my sexual orientation has yet to be cemented down, as I have yet to experience the full spectrum of sexual and romantic relations."

The giggling slowly faltered, "You know I miss them to baby girl."

"I know you do," replied Rachel hugging her briefly. She then turned away to head to her next class, "still doesn't mean I'm ever going to listen to Santana." Quinn watched the smirking girl walk away.

...

Santana was stood impatiently by the car, Quinn approached her looking rather sheepish, "sorry I'm late,"

"It's okay where's the dwarf?"

Quinn looked down at her feet rather than at the angry Latina. "She's practicing late with Finn, she said she'd ..."

Santana pulled out her phone with a flourish, angrily attacking the keypad on her blackberry, "Get your butt to this car right now Rachel or I will come and get you."

Brittany attempted to be a calming influence again, "S take a deep breath."

"No Brittany she's playing a battle of wills, if I let her win this one it's game over, she's testing me. She has been pushing me for weeks, well guess what this is the straw to break the proverbial camel's back."

"Rachel's broke your camel?" questioned Brittany in confusion. Quinn had to hide her smirk. Santana tossed the keys to Brittany, "you guys get in the car? I'm going to go get the dwarf. I'm getting my bitch on."

Santana stalked into the school, and headed straight to the choir room, the sound of the piano beckoning her in.

"Get your shit together right now," she spoke calmly and slowly towards the younger girl.

"As you can see Santana, Finn and I are practicing for glee right now, so I am busy for the foreseeable future."

Santana just crossed her arms and glared at her, "Finnocence I need to speak to Berry alone."

"Are you going to kill her?" questioned Finn wincing. Santana just raised her eyebrows at him. He quickly scarped agreeing to reschedule their practice.

"Was that necessary Santana?"

"Yes it was, now come on."

Rachel got into the car without saying a word to anyone, but her expression showing the contempt at the situation she was in. Santana sat in the back next to Rachel.

"Are we seriously going to do this again Rachel?" questioned Santana. Rachel didn't respond so Santana just leaned over and buckled her seat belt for her. Rachel continued to glare out the window ignoring the other inhabitants of the car. When Brittany pulled the car into the driveway, Rachel went to jump out but Santana's arm stopped her. "Go in the living room and sit on the couch and wait there." Rachel stared at her and a stand-off commenced before Rachel just nodded at the Latina, and headed out of the car. Santana turned to Brittany, "can you and Quinn go food shopping? I need some alone time with Rachel."

Quinn turned back to her, "please don't kill her San, I'm quite fond of her you know."

"Oh I know you are," replied Santana with a smirk, Quinn just blushed. Santana stepped out of the car and into the house, on the table there was a photo of her, Rachel and her dads. She grimaced looking at the smiling photos staring back at her. She steeled herself and entered the room. Rachel looked up at her from the sofa, she held a piece of paper in her hand, and "I need you to sign this Santana." She took the piece of paper from Rachel and perused it quickly, and then scowled at her.

"Something's gotta give Rachel and I'm telling you know it won't be me, I know this is hard but you have got to start responding to me, and doing as your told! You know how dodgy custody is; I had to beg and plead to keep us together. I'm Santana Lopez I don't beg, but I did it for you and I did it for Quinn. So here's the rub, you are going to get that grade up in the next few days, make up essays the whole lot."

"Santana you only have C in English,"

Santana scowled, "Rachel this attitude stops now, I've been giving you an easy ride because I know how hard this has been. An adjustment period, but I now realise that was a mistake."

"I'm not a child Santana, so don't speak to me like I'm one!" yelled Rachel.

"Well guess what Rachel you're not an adult either just accept it, enjoy it Rachel I'm taking responsibility from you."

"No you are taking my independence; I'm more than capable of looking after myself,"

"Maybe you are Rachel, but by law you're not! so deal with it. I promised your dads I would always look after you. You're so naive Rachel, I have to protect you, and you have to trust me. Is there anything else going on I don't know about?"

Rachel just shook her head, "okay consider yourself effectively grounded," Santana cringed at her own words, hating herself being this person. "please go to your room _estrellita_."

Rachel heard the desperation in her voice, that and the fact Santana actually said please. She stood up and kissed Santana's cheek, then headed to her room.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

50 people have this on story alert which I have to say I'm quite impressed with. So thanks for reading, I hope people don't get too confused by this chapter. I'm trying to make the character of karokfsky more complex, not just weirdly mean guy... he's manipulative and clever, as i think Rachel is too strong a character to just let someone like him take advantage. Like i said hope this all makes sense. Anyway enjoy! P.s please review.

Brittany and Quinn bustled into the house, bags hanging from their hands and wrists. "Got enough?" questioned Santana from the sofa.

"Well we have enough for a month," replied Brittany. Quinn went into the kitchen and dumped the bags on the side.

"Where's Rachel?" asked Quinn.

"She's in your room, can you do your homework down here," Santana then turned and looked at the wall, as she finished the rest of her statement, "she's being punished." Santana visibly cringed when that sentence came out of her mouth. Quinn noticed how uncomfortable she looked, so went and sat next to her. She rested her head on Santana's shoulder and leaned into her body. Santana turned and kissed her forehead lightly. Quinn snuggled further into Santana's embrace, "you're doing a good job you know that right?"

"Thanks Quinn." Quinn reluctantly stood up and started doing her work on the dining table.

...

Rachel shut her eyes, but as soon as she did, the images of twisted metal and blood entered her head. She quickly opened them, and turned her head to nuzzle her pillow. Her tears started to wet the bed. Her bag was hanging of the side of bed; she leant over to it and pulled it onto her bed. She routed through it, till she found what she was looking for. She placed it on the bed, and stared at it, as it glistened under the light of her bedroom. Rachel stood up and locked her bedroom door. She lifted the razor up and held it hovering over her wrist, she was about to press it down but then hesitated. Wrists would be too hard to cover up. She pulled her jeans down, and rested the blade just under her panty line. And in one quick motion pushed it down and slid it across. She lifted the blade back up then watched in fascination as at first no blood appeared, and then suddenly all at once it seeped from every side of the cut. She threw the blade back into her bag, and then turned back to her leg, as the blood started to drip down the sides onto her bed. Rachel quickly grabbed a towel and pushed it firmly against her leg. She let out a deep breath, this was heaven, for the first time in 6 months she felt relief. She grabbed a stick on bandage from the first aid kit, and attached it to her leg, pulled her jeans back up. Rachel lay on her bed, and for the first time in a long time closed her eyes and fell into a restful sleep.

...

Rachel was startled awake by a knock on the door, and the turn of a door knob, which stopped when it hit resistance. She got up and went to unlock it. The door opened to Santana's face.

"How come you locked your door Rachel?"

"Sorry I forgot I locked it,"

Santana looked confused but chose to drop it. Rachel looked up at Santana, "I'm really sorry S." Rachel wrapped her arms around the girl, and relaxed into her embrace. Santana smiled while resting her chin on the top of Rachel's head.

"You coming down for dinner?"

"I'm not really hungry Santana; I think I might just go to bed." Santana frowned and pulled away from the young brunette, and rested her hand against her forehead.

"Are you sick?" Santana questioned.

Rachel brushed her hand away, "no I'm fine just tired."

"Ok, I'll be back up in ten minutes to check on you," Santana leant down and planted a kiss on her forehead.

Rachel put on a pair of shorts and a tank top and crawled into bed. She was just starting to drift off when she was interrupted by Santana coming back into the room. She sat on the bed next to her and ran her fingers through Rachel's hair. "Sing to me," whispered Rachel.

Santana started to sing quietly,

"_Brille, brille, estrellita_

_Quiero verte cintilar_

_En el cielo sobre el mar_

_Un diamante de verdad_

_Brilla, brilla estrellita_

_Quiero verte cintilar."_

___By the time she had finished Rachel was fast asleep._

___..._

_"__Is Rachel still asleep?" asked Brittany, drinking a cup of coffee, looking at the clock in the kitchen flashing 7:30am._

_"__Yep," replied Quinn, "and she slept in her own bed last night."_

_"__Maybe she's finally getting better," said Santana in a hopeful tone. They were interrupted by Rachel entering the room still in her PJ's. She went over to the coffee machine and started to pour herself a cup, as she went to fetch the milk from the fridge. Santana grabbed the coffee and started drinking it herself._

_"__Hey! S..."_

_"__You know the family rules Rach no coffee till your 16, and you're hyper enough without caffeine."_

___Santana smiled the berry men had always been quite strict and she wanted them to be a familiarity to the rules she had in place. Rachel grumbled, but it didn't massively bother her it was just part of the morning routine now. Brittany placed a fruit bowl in front of her, "eat up and go get ready or we are going to be late."_

___..._

___Rachel walked through the school feeling happier than she had in ages, not even seeing karofsky dimmed her mood. So when he text her saying to meet at lunch, she didn't even feel the dread that usually overtook when it came to meeting the football player. _

_"__You seem happier today?" questioned Dave with a knowing look in his eye._

_"__You were right, the guilt just washed away,"_

_"__I'm sorry I had to blackmail you, in order to help you," he stated sincerely, though his eyes gave away his true intentions, not that Rachel noticed this._

_"__You mean you did all this to try and help me," questioned Rachel dubiously._

_"__I knew if I made you mine, I could help you, I know how guilty you must feel. Knowing you lived when your fathers didn't. If it was me I wouldn't feel worthy of living." Rachel flinched at his words. "I just want to help you feel again Rachel, I had to break you first, with the slushies to make you accept the fact you're powerless, but I'm going to give you that power back."_

_"__How?" asked Rachel timidly. Dave drew Rachel closer to him and started massaging her breasts lightly compared to what he did yesterday; he caressed them and in his own way loved them. Rachel's body was starting to betray her, as she moaned against him. He slipped one of his hands up her skirt and pulled down her tights. He slipped her underwear to the side and started to trace his fingers around her opening, but he never entered her. Dave pulled his hand out leaving Rachel very confused. He rubbed his hand down her thigh, stopping when he hit the bandage. He ripped it off, Rachel gasped in pain. Dave lifted her skirt up, to see the mark. "That's so hot Rachel; will you show me how you do it?"_

___Rachel looked at him confused. "Cut yourself in front of me, I want to see that expression when you feel free." _

___Rachel started to stutter, "I...I...I don't know, it was only a onetime thing."_

_"__Do you really think one cut will make the guilt go away, you crawled past the dead bodies of your dad, and you didn't even look back."_

___Tears started to form out of the corner of her eyes, she grabbed the blade out of her bag, and dug it into her leg, and swiped it across deeper than before. She watched the blood cascade down her leg. Dave reached into his bag and pulled out a fresh bandage and pressed it against her leg. She then pulled up her tights. Dave leant over and kissed her delicately on the lips and then left leaving a very confused Rachel standing there, who now had no idea what was going on._

___..._

_"__Are we going to rehearse tonight?" asked Finn._

_"__I'm sorry I can't Finn, I'm grounded," replied Rachel banging her locker shut at the end of the day. _

___Finn just nodded at her, "raincheck?"_

_"__Yeah raincheck," replied Rachel with a smile. The smile was soon wiped off by a slushy pelting her in the face. Finn looked at her in shock, before reacting and throwing Dave Karofsky up against the lockers. "What the hell do you think you're doing man?"_

_"__I'm letting manhands know her place," he replied before walking off smiling._

_"__I'm going to go clean myself Finn,"_

_"__You can't let him get away with this! I'm gonna tell Santana. She'll kick the shit out of him."_

_"__Finn you can't I'll handle this, she has enough to worry about without worrying about this...please Finn promise me."_

___Finn looked at the desperation in her face, "ok fine," he relented, "but if he does it again, promises of the table."_

_"__thanks Finn," Rachel then left for the nearest bathroom as she washed the slushy out of her hair she couldn't help but feel very confused, where there 2 karofksy's; the tender Dave and the jock karofsky. She changed her clothes putting her slushy covered ones in a bag for Jacob to sort out for her. Her thoughts feeling very convoluted in the confusion that was her life._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

In answer to a review... karofsky and Rachel are not falling in love, they have a dangerous relationship, Rachel is just finding security in him a way to deal with her past hardships, it's about power and submission... not love.

Angsty chapter!

Rachel walked nervously down the hall, wondering what Dave she would get this day. They had been playing this game of tango for a while. Sometimes he was loving and caring, helping her with her problems. Well as far as she was concerned he was helping her. Then another day he threw slushies at her, it had taken a turn for the worse yesterday, she rubbed her arm gingerly. The bruises on her arm from where he had been gripping her so hard. Despite their relationship escalating, he still had never actually penetrated her, teasing her but never giving into his urges. Her thighs were now covered in criss-crossing cuts; they looked like some macabre painting.

Rachel was the perfect actress, it seemed like she was finally returning to normal, and only two people noticed something was amiss.

...

"I need to talk to you,"

Quinn was interrupted from her daydream.

"What's up Finn?"

"I want to talk to you about Rachel?"

Quinn's interest peaked, "what about Rachel?"

"It's just she's been acting weird recently, have you noticed anything? She doesn't really sing her musicals anymore. It's weird she's been normal."

"I know what you mean, she's Rachel just Rachel with some of that uniqueness gone, she's not as open with me as we used to be it's like..."

"We are growing apart." Quinn and Finn said at the same time. They both studied each other intensely. "I'm just worried Quinn."

She nodded at him, "I'll talk to her tonight, between us we'll figure out what is going on."

...

Quinn was lying on her bed idly web-surfing and checking her facebook, glancing at the door every few minutes waiting for Rachel to walk through the door.

"Hey Quinn," said Rachel, throwing her bag onto a bed.

"hey Rach, good day?"

"yeah was just practicing with Finn, you wait till sectionals we are going to blow them away," she said with a smirk.

"Is everything ok Rachel?"

Rachel screwed her face up a little bit, "yeah..." she answered patronisingly.

"Don't look at me like that," Quinn bit back. "You've just been acting weird around me, you always get changed in the bathroom, you flinch if I touch you, have I done something to upset you?"

Rachel looked like a deer caught in the headlights, she had to protect her secret and she knew the perfect way to push Quinn away.

"Maybe it's because I'm fed up of you staring at me, I'm not comfortable getting changed in front of a dyke,"

"What?" replied Quinn ashen.

"You heard me!"

"You don't mean that," pleaded Quinn. Rachel looked away; she couldn't bear to see Quinn cry, and especially knowing she was causing the heartbreak.

"Rach...baby girl..." Quinn walked towards her.

"Don't call me that you fucking queer," replied Rachel in mock anger. Neither girl had noticed their bedroom door open. "I don't want to share a room with you anymore you might try and rape me in the night."

Quinn whimpered, "So get the hell out of my room," finished Rachel staring at the floor.

"Rachel please don't be like this..." Quinn didn't get to finish her statement, as she felt a hand slap her hard across the face. Quinn looked down in shock; she didn't get time to react, as she saw a blur in front of her. When she looked up she saw Santana had a firm grip on Rachel.

"What the hell has got into you Rachel?" yelled Santana. She was livid, "how dare you say those things to Quinn? Apologise right now or I will make you a very sorry little girl."

Rachel looked up and saw Quinn's face, her resolve broke, and she dropped to her knees and sobbed. Santana still had a firm grip on her.

"Brittany!" yelled Santana. The blonde entered the room, and looked around in confusion, "can you take Quinn out of here?" Brittany led the broken girl out of the room and turned back to the sobbing girl on the floor; she lifted her up and sat her roughly on the bed.

"Rachel look at me right now," Rachel looked up to Santana's eyes, "what happened the last time you made a homophobic remark?"

...

"_But Daddy, how can you be considering this?" moaned Rachel, "she's a horrible girl, and now you want me to share my room with her?"_

"_Rachel we are fostering Santana accept it, we remember how difficult it was when we came out, she's a 15 year old girl, who's had her entire family turn her back on her. This is Lima, Ohio, hardly LGBT central."_

_The 12 year old Rachel slammed her hands on the table petulantly, "but she's a cheerleader?"_

_Leroy laughed, "And what that makes her evil?"_

"_Yes!" replied Rachel angrily. At that moment Santana walked into the kitchen, "hello Mr Berry..."_

"_How many times Santana, its Leroy or dad, it could get very confusing if you call both of us Mr Berry,"_

_Santana blushed at his response, "now why don't you go unpack, Rachel will help you..."_

_Rachel looked scornfully at her daddy, "its ok um Mr... Leroy I can do it on my own."_

"_Nonsense, go on girls get unpacked and by that time Hiram should be home and we can order takeaway."_

"_I don't like you," stated Rachel coldly in the bedroom to Santana, "I can't believe I have to share my room with a cheerleading dyke, you better not interfere with my singing practice, it is of utmost importance I practice for at least an hour every day." Before Santana had time to respond, the door blew open revealing a very angry Leroy Berry. "What did you just say Rachel Barbra Berry?"_

"_Singing practice?" answered Rachel with a gulp._

"_Did you just use the D word in our house?"_

_Rachel looked down shamefully at the floor; Leroy marched towards her, and gave her one hard swat on the backside, "what do you have to say to Santana?"_

"_Sorry," said Rachel meekly._

"_Sorry about this Santana, my daughter and I need to go have a private discussion," Rachel visibly paled. Leroy used one hand to hold onto his daughter's arm and the other to swat her out of the room._

...

"I remember," replied Rachel, "I couldn't sit down for 2 days, can you believe I used to hate you?"

"Don't change the subject Rachel Barbra Berry." Rachel cringed at being full named. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't do what your daddy would have done if you had said that in front of him,"

"I'm 15 years old..."

"I want you to sit there and think about it, and think about how much you've hurt Quinn's feelings; I hope you feel ashamed of yourself Rachel."

Rachel's heart wrenched at that, and Santana left the room. Rachel went and locked the door and grabbed the razor blade out of her drawer.

...

Quinn was sitting their almost catatonic on the sofa; Brittany was rocking her trying to comfort the stiff girl in her arms. Quinn wasn't on the sofa; her mind was back to 6 months ago.

"_First you go and get pregnant, and now you're telling us you're gay? How could you do this to me to us? I held you as a child Quinnie, now you're telling me you're perverted?"_

"_It's not perverted daddy, please I love you please I'm begging you be my dad."_

"_my daughter the dyke, who got knocked up at 16...quinn you have 10 minutes to pack your things, you were given a second chance and you blew it,"_

"_Daddy I'm your daughter, please."_

"_My daughter is not a dyke," was his only response. Later that night Quinn knocked on the door of the berry household, Hiram Berry answered the door to the crying teen, "I'm sorry I didn't know where else to go..."_

_..._

Santana sat the other side of Quinn and started rubbing her back, "want to tell me what happened Q?"

"I really don't know," Quinn looked up, and in that moment twigged. "Rachel's hiding, that was a front, she wants to push me away she would never say that stuff to me, and she loves me."

"What are you talking about?" asked Santana. Quinn stood up sharply and ran up the stair, she went to barge open her bedroom door but was surprised when it was locked. "Rachel open this door right this second." The door opened suddenly Quinn took in Rachel's complexion, she looked very pale and withdrawn, "now you tell me what's going on really? That was all bollocks you were trying to push my buttons weren't you. What's worth it Rachel? What are you so desperate to keep a secret you would put me though that!"

Rachel just looked more despondent than ever. Santana ran up following Quinn and nearly ran into her in doorway, "ok, look everyone needs to calm down Rachel, Quinn sit on the bed."

Both girls sat down, but kept a clear gap between them. "I'm sorry Quinn," whimpered Rachel, "i was just in a bad mood and took it out on you..."

"No you weren't," cut in Quinn, "I'm not buying that bullshit, tell me the truth, now."

"Quinn calm down," said Santana. "I want some answers now Rachel, or should I just take the action your daddy did all those years ago."

"You wouldn't!" said Rachel shocked, in response; Santana dragged Rachel up and swotted her once hard. She yelped before sitting down contritely. There were so many secrets she was concealing, Rachel started to panic.

"Last chance Rachel, why did you say all that stuff?"

"Can I speak to Quinn alone please?" asked Rachel.

"That's up to Quinn?" replied Santana. Quinn nodded to Santana, "ok I'll let you guys talk but don't think for one second this is over Rachel..."

Santana left the two girls alone in the room, as soon as she had shut the door Rachel lunged into Quinn's arms embracing her tightly, "I'm so sorry Quinn I love you so much, please forgive me. I just don't know what to do I'm such a screw up."

"I forgive you Rachel, I will always forgive you, and I will always love you,"

"I don't deserve you as a friend,"

"Yes you do, we both know you're hiding something but I'm going to stop pushing you, I want you to turn around and tell me, maybe not tonight but one night soon, ok?"

"OK Quinn,"

"Just don't try and push me away there is nothing you can do to get rid of me ok?"

Rachel nodded, "we're good."

"we may be good, but I'm not helping you get out of trouble with Santana," all the colour that had briefly returned to her face after her chat with Quinn, drained back out of her at that. Quinn left the room to tell Santana she was finished talking.

...

Santana strode up purposefully, "Rachel consider that your one get of jail free card, if you ever say that word in this house again, you won't know what hit you!" she spat at her. "Now hand over your iPod, phone and laptop, you can get them back at the end of the week. You can have you phone at school but I'll hand it to you in the morning and you will give it back to me after school? Comprehende?"

Rachel nodded at the irate Latina, "you're lucky Rachel that Quinn loves you,"

"I know," was all Rachel said in response. Santana went into Rachel's drawer and pulled a nightgown out, and laid it on the bed.

"I want to wear something else to bed," Santana looked at her in surprise, "you love that, dad bought it for you last Christmas."

Rachel went to the drawer and pulled out a pair tracksuit bottoms and long sleeve top, "you're going to wear that for bed,"

"Yes why? It's perfectly suitable night-wear attire."

The both girls just stood there staring at each other, "well I'm going to get changed now..."

"Go on then," replied Santana.

"Well aren't you going to leave?"

Santana looked at her puzzled, "Rachel we shared a room for 2 years, I've seen you get changed before."

A light bulb went off in her head, "that whole thing with Quinn was about getting changed in front of her, what's wrong have you hurt yourself dancing? Are you embarrassed? Come on let me see it."

"I haven't hurt myself."

"Go on then get changed in front of me."

"I'm not a stripper Santana,"

Santana narrowed her eyes, "watch the attitude baby girl, you have pushed me enough tonight. Put the nightgown on."

Rachel didn't move, so Santana approached her, and went to unbutton her jeans, "stop please Santana,"

Santana looked at her in concern, "Rachel baby what's going on?"

"Please don't hate me, or be ashamed of me,"

"Rachel you're like my little sister, I would never hate you, and I'm ashamed of your actions sometimes but never you."

Rachel nodded, "I'm really sorry S." As soon as she uttered those words she pulled down her jeans.

Little cliffhanger...I'm sorry!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_Thanks for all the lovely feedback...and no this story wasn't inspired by pot... Though that thought did make me laugh. Ok got a few questions for people, about content. There is going to be Faberry but it will be a slow build, not like "instant togetherness." I just wanted to know what people felt about Santana's relationship with the girls, does it make people uncomfortable. Any feedback is appreciated, as it will decide what shape the story takes... thanks again and enjoy. _

Santana stared at the girl, who currently had her jeans around her knees, and was sobbing loudly in to her own chest. She grabbed Rachel, "what have you done to yourself?" Santana shook her lightly. Rachel was a sobbing mess in front of her. She pushed her onto to bed and took Rachel's jeans off, "Brittany bring the first aid kit in here now!"

Santana ran her fingers over the cuts, "Rachel some of these look infected, I am so mad at you!"

Brittany came in, followed quickly by Quinn, curious about the commotion. Quinn gasped when she saw Rachel's legs; Brittany lent down and started disinfecting Rachel's legs with wipes. Santana stood up her worry now fully replaced with anger.

"Where is it Rachel?"

Rachel continued to look down, Santana reached forward and grabbed her chin up, "where is it Rachel? Now!"

Rachel tilted her head towards the drawer; Santana yanked it open and pulled out the offending item. "I'll be damned Rachel if I'm losing you too, especially not to yourself."

"Why?" asked Quinn.

Rachel just shook her head. "I can't look at you right now Rachel, you didn't just cut yourself Rachel, you cut all of us." Quinn walked towards the door.

"Please Quinn don't leave, please," whimpered Rachel. Brittany finished bandaging Rachel's legs up. Santana pulled Rachel's t shirt off her, and put the night gown over her head.

Santana turned back to Rachel, "any more hidden anywhere?"

"No," whispered Rachel. She looked up "Quinn please."

Quinn's resolve broke and went and hugged Rachel tightly. "Promise me Rachel; promise me you will never do it again."

"I can't Quinn,"

"Promise you'll try,"

"I'll try," she responded. Rachel lay down on the bed pulling Quinn with her, and snuggled into her. Santana kissed both of them on the foreheads, "we have a lot to talk about tomorrow Rachel, trust is gone." Santana then left the room and let two girls to sleep. As soon as she had shut the door behind her she leant against it and slid down the door. Tears streaked down her face, spilling onto the floor.

"Oh S,"

"I've let them down Brittany. I promised them I would always look after Rachel, how did I not see this sooner?"

"She's a good actress S; the important thing is we help her now,"

Brittany gathered Santana in her arms and led her to their bed, hugging her tightly, "we'll figure it out, I promise San."

Santana snuggled into Brittany the only person to see her truly vulnerable.

...

Quinn woke up that morning to the feeling of Rachel nuzzling her neck. Her arms were wrapped around the smaller girl, she kissed her forehead. The movement woke up Rachel, she quickly separated herself from the girl, "sorry Quinn, I didn't mean to hang all over you,"

"It's ok baby," Rachel relaxed and reintegrated her to be flush with Quinn's body. They lay their quietly neither saying anything just basking in each other's company. There moment was interrupted by Santana entering the room.

"Come on girls up, Quinn you need to get ready for school,"

"What about Rachel?" asked Quinn.

"Rachel and I are staying at home so we can talk this out," Quinn stood up to face Santana.

"If you're talking about it all today, I want to be here,"

"Quinn go get ready for school, I won't tell you again," Santana's patience was wearing increasingly thin.

"Then don't tell me again, I want to stay for Rachel, just because you're feeling stressed don't take it out on me."

Santana grabbed Quinn's wrist, "not today Quinn, today is not the day to push me, just do as your told. I have a lot to talk about with Rachel today." Quinn snatched her arm back, from Santana's hold.

"I'm staying." Quinn replied crossing her arms against her chest like a petulant child. Santana grabbed Quinn and with her free hand swatted her hard once on the backside. Quinn looked at the Latina gobsmacked, "did you just spank me?"

"Yes and I'll give you an old fashioned ass-whopping if you don't get your little backside ready for school."

Quinn studied Santana's face, wondering whether or not to call her bluff, but after seeing the steel in her eyes decided against it. She left the bedroom like a wounded puppy.

Santana went and sat in the bed next to Rachel, "we have a lot of new rules to discuss Rachel..."

"I am sorry San,"

"I know you are, but sorry doesn't make an issue like this go away. You are not going to like the new rules at all."

Rachel screwed her face up at that, "look why we don't go downstairs, and have a proper chat ok?"

...

"Call me if you need me,"

"I'll be fine Quinn, I'm with Santana all day," Rachel cringed as she said it, "yeah I've just realised what I've said, but seriously I'll be ok." Quinn hugged her again.

"Quinn let go of the girl, and get into the car, you're going to be late." Quinn gave Santana a glare.

"Quinn unless you want to take me up on my offer, I suggest you get into the car in the next 5 seconds."

Quinn hurried out of the house, Rachel turned to Santana, "would you ever really do that?"

Santana answered instantly, "If I thought I needed too." She led Rachel over to the living room sofa, and sat them both down still holding Rachel's hands.

"Then why didn't you do it after the accident," asked Rachel.

Santana's tone softened, "you need to stop blaming yourself Rachel, and you didn't cause the accident."

"Yes but I could have, no should have helped them,"

"Is this what the cutting is all about you feeling the need to be punished?"

Rachel took a deep breath and decided to not mention Karofsky, "yes."

"Okay Rach, how about I handle the punishing ok?" Santana replied with a weak smirk. "Now listen we care about you, which is why I'm making some new rules. We now have an open door policy, any room you are in the door remains open..."

"What about the bathroom?" cut in Rachel.

"I said any room." Santana replied.

"So I don't get any privacy at all?"

"You can get more privacy, as you earn our trust back, also either Brittany or myself, will be there when you get changed at night to check for new cuts."

"Santana No!" yelled Rachel.

"These rules are non-negotiable Rachel, but as your gain back our trust, we will trust you more."

Santana took a deep breath, "I also need you to talk about the accident,"

"No way," Rachel replied shaking her head adamantly.

"Either speak to me or a therapist." Santana stated bluntly.

"Why? What will that accomplish? Apart from making me re-live the worst day of my life."

"Because you haven't dealt with it yet, you need to deal with it, otherwise it will swallow you alive, I'm not losing you that way Rachel I'm not."

"I'll talk to you San, but not today, I need some time to process this information,"

"That's fine Rachel, how about we watch a movie, and chill out for the rest of the day?"

Rachel just nodded her head in agreement.

...

Quinn came stampeding through the door and practically belly flopped on the young girl on the sofa. "You ok?"

"I was fine until you crushed me," Rachel wheezed back. They both started at each other until Quinn realized she was still on top of her.

"Sorry Rach,"

"How come I don't get such an enthusiastic greeting?" joked Santana. Quinn just shot her an evil look. "Are you still annoyed at me Quinn? I don't see why you are, if anything I should be grounding you."

"You think you're funny Santana..."

"I know I am," she replied with a smirk at the blonde girl.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_Wow the feedback has been amazing...obviously a bit of a hit and misses response. I sense frustration but like I said it's all going to start to unravel and the back story will become a lot more apparent with flashbacks, the karofsky element is going to the back burner, as along with the accident these facts need to stew for a while...will come out later, as in my world it's approaching summer. I've sort of dumped you in midway, but I just thought it would be more interesting this way than having 2 prologue chapters of boring exposition. As for the Santana parent thing, after getting a lovely message from one of my reviewers I'm going to stay true to the character I am developing. I lost my dad when I was young, and ever since my friends and sisters have taken it upon themselves to parent me. So I don't think it's too out there as an idea. _

Brittany turned to Santana on the sofa, glancing over to the other sofa where the two younger girls were asleep cuddled up together.

"Do you think they will ever admit to liking each other?"

"One day, its hard thing to do, remember when we told my parents," Santana replied, leaning over to plant a chaste kiss on the blonde's lips.

"Do you miss them Santana?"

"Honestly, yes, but I miss the Berry's more, but I feel like I can't grieve for them, they were Rachel's parents first and foremost."

"It doesn't mean you can't grieve for them San, it's something you and Rachel and to some extent Quinn can share, I feel bad that I'm the only with parent's left."

"It's not your fault Brittany that your parents actually accept the fact you're gay," Santana said accompanied with an eye roll.

"I just don't want to rub your faces in it,"

"You should see them more Brittany, go have dinner with them tomorrow night, don't punish them because you don't want to upset us."

Brittany nodded at her girlfriend then snuggled further into her embrace.

"Did you ever imagine this is what your life would be like?" asked Brittany.

Santana chortled to herself, "hell no, but i wouldn't swap it for the world, i never imagined 4 years ago this is where i would be, in love with a beautiful blonde, looking after Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray."

"Can you believe Rachel used to hate you?"

"I know," replied Santana, "I did everything to try and get her to forgive me for the cheerleader slushy incident."

"If I remember correctly that led directly to the alcohol incident,"

Santana blushed red, "dad...I mean Leroy was not impressed by that."

"You can call them dad and daddy you know san, you did call them that for 2 and a half years."

Santana sighed, "I know I just feel awkward."

"You shouldn't...I still think it's funny that the first time you babysat Rachel, you got her hammered."

"What? I wanted her to like me..."

"The best part was when the Berry's came home to her performing a drunken version of "push it," with you recording it on your phone."

"Oh god, I still have that somewhere, have to find it for blackmail material," the two girls were giggling at each other.

Santana sobered up a little, "yeah but you missed the hour lecture I got afterwards, that and the inability to sit down for a day..."

"You sounded like Rachel then,"

Santana glanced over to the sleeping girl, "she's so naive Brit, it's like they told me that day, and she's so impressionable. She's strong in some ways, I've never met a girl as persistent and determined as she is, but she's not as strong as us emotionally."

"She's not 12 anymore Santana,"

"I know but she'll always be that little kid to me, the one that I used to get cajoled into baby-sitting, the one who made me watch funny girl until I could quote it word for word."

"Santana she is growing up,"

"I know, seeing her with Quinn reminds me of me and you at that age,"

"You feeling old already San," joked Brittany.

"Remember Brit, you're only as old as the woman you're feeling...so how old are you?" she asked with a flirty smirk.

"I love you Santana, and i love your dirty mind, should we wake the sleeping beauties up?"

"Nah its Saturday tomorrow, let them sleep down here they look comfortable enough, and you know how much I love you. You have basically moved in with your girlfriend to help look after her pseudo little sister, and her pseudo-little sister's best mate."

"When you put it like that, I guess I am an amazing girlfriend," Brittany replied kissing Santana's lips again.

"I couldn't do it without you, Britt,"

"Thanks San, but I don't really do much, you've been looking after Rachel for years, and you're just doing it now without a safety net."

"Just having you here helps babe, "stated Santana sincerely.

"Don't let this knock your confidence San; you're doing a great job with Rachel, you always have done and always will."

"You always seem to know exactly what to say to me," Brittany stood up and took Santana's hand and pulled the other girl to her feet.

"Come on, let's go to bed,"

"Oh really..."

"Mind out of the gutter Santana Maria Lopez!"

...

Rachel was starting to get used to this waking up in Quinn's arms thing. They had always been close but recently the human contact had got more and more frequent. Rachel heard the doorbell go off; she carefully extracted herself from Quinn's arms. She stood up stretching out and headed to the door. She opened the door, and couldn't believe the person standing opposite her. She threw her arms around him, and hugged him tightly. The guy lifted her up in the hug. Once he had put her down, she punched him arm lightly, "that's for not calling me in like 6 months!"

"Hey I've been busy?" he looked at her with smug smile.

"Oh yes of course, how was your first year at UCLA?"

"Good, starring roles in all the productions, aren't you a proud?"

"I'll be prouder when we are both starring on Broadway,"

"Only a matter of time Rachel, only a matter of time..."

Rachel grinned at him, "Are you back for the summer?"

"Yes, I'm running a workshop for a new musical; I was hoping you would help out over the summer,"

Rachel practically squealed at him, the noise woke up the inhabitant on the sofa. Quinn sat up, "Jesse?" she said shocked.

"Yes, the prodigal son has returned in all his glory,"

Quinn scoffed at him, "as if Rachel used to be your beard, you practically have gay tattooed across your forehead."

"I've missed you too Quinn," he clapped his hands together, "where's my favourite fiery Latina?"

"Please don't wind her up Jesse; you know she's not your biggest fan."

All the noise downstairs had awoken the 2 girls upstairs. Santana came down the stairs not even attempting to hide the look of contempt on her face, "so what have we done to deserve your company this Saturday morning?"

"Frosty Satan, frosty, you mean I can't come visit my favourite girls?"

"Yeah you can, it would have been helpful say 6 months ago," she narrowed her eyes at him.

Jesse's face hardened, "I came back for the funeral,"

"Yeah great, very helpful, then you went running back off to California?"

"Can we not do this right now," said Rachel interrupting the bickering pair. "I'm going to go have a shower, while you two deal with your childish drama, perhaps even cook breakfast,"

Rachel then pushed past Santana on the staircase, "don't forget the rules Rach,"

"Yeah I know S." She answered hurrying up the stairs, Santana turned back to Jesse, "We have a lot to catch up on..."

...

"Cutting? Really?" Jesse nursed his coffee into his chest, "it's so normal teen angst, nowhere near dramatic enough for Rachel."

"I think you're missing the bigger picture here Jesse," Santana said with an eye roll.

"It's just that it's Rachel, you know girl I used to perform shows with in this living room,"

"I'm well aware of that fact, I had to introduce you and throw roses," she replied with a dry smirk.

"Well look San, I'm back for the summer, and I'm running this summer workshop and i think Rachel should come with me, I've already mentioned it to her,"

Santana glared at him, "you should have asked me first, you would have asked the berry's first,"

"Santana please remove the stick from your arse, "

"Jesse, guess what I'm the legal guardian, you balked, I stepped up, you ran away. Unless you want me to tell Rachel how you spectacularly bailed on her, I suggest you play nice. You don't get to come galloping in now on your white horse 6 months late, to be her saviour. It doesn't work like that."

"I'm sorry I went to university! Sorry I wanted a life, I didn't want that responsibility!"

"You think I did, I stepped up because you wouldn't,"

"You can't resent me for going to UCLA,"

"No I don't, I just hate the way you did it."

Jesse looked ashamed at that, "I'm back now, doesn't that count for something, look I'm going to go see my parents..."

"Oh yeah you still have them,"

"Fuck off Santana, I didn't ask Hiram and Leroy to name me in their will, they should have asked me first,"

"Well it wasn't like they were expecting to die, they named me as well, and they named us because they knew how much we loved her."

"I do love her San, but I couldn't parent her, she's my friend, she's always been my friend, the girl who helped me hide the fact I was gay, spent hours singing with me. I couldn't be that person to her. That was always you. You always looked after her."

"So you get to be the fun one, and I get to deal with all the shit, thanks Jesse."

"Look I'll see you later Santana, we can discuss this more later," Santana just rolled her eye and let him out.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Lovely reviews equals faster updates... thank you for all the kind words it's so encouraging...there is a lighter note to the end of this chapter, it's not all doom and gloom. I think it's important to show flashes of more fun. Hope you enjoy.

"When's Jesse coming back?"

"For the last time, I don't know Rachel,"

"Well you're the one who scared him off," Santana took a deep breath; Brittany had left to go see her parents for the weekend. It was Sunday night and Rachel and Quinn were being the gruesome twosome. "I didn't scare him off; he's gone to see his parents Rachel, now stop acting like you're five"

"Well maybe if you stopped treating me like I'm 5."

"Just get ready for bed ___estrellita__,_"

Santana held out a tank top and shorts, "fine," bit back Rachel. She pulled her shirt off quickly, "enjoying the show." Santana glared at the younger girl. "Rachel," she practically growled. Her expression changed, "what's that on your arm?"

Rachel looked down on her arm; there was a slight ting of yellow from where the bruise was healing. "You know me San, I'm a klutz," Santana narrowed her eyes. She grabbed Rachel's hand.

"No more secrets? You promise it was an accident? Because I'm telling you now, if you're lying to me, I can promise you one hell of an ass-whooping."

"I promise I'm not lying Santana," Santana gazed at her intensely.

"Ok, but I'm trusting you Rachel," Rachel's stomach dropped at that, so she just nodded.

"Could I have my phone back tonight?"

"You can have it tomorrow before school, as you don't need it now as you're going to bed," she replied with a knowing eyebrow raise.

...

"Quinn, bed school," Santana just uttered feeling exhausted. She had enough today between both Quinn and Rachel being obnoxious. Quinn made no move to get up from the television.

"Fine Quinn, well I'm going to bed, and Brittany will be back soon, she won't be impressed if you're down here."

"That's mean playing the Brittany card, upsetting her is like kicking a puppy, but you know San you really don't need to parent me."

"No you don't want me to parent you, there's a difference between want and need. I've had to grow up Quinn; don't be in such a rush yourself."

"Is everything ok San?" Quinn took the moment to check over Santana's exhausted disposition.

"Yeah, I'm just stressed with Rachel, had to sort out bills today."

Quinn stood up, "we are ok for money right?"

"Oh yeah, we are fine Quinn relax, the Berry's had a great life insurance policy, it's just the stress of transferring money over."

Quinn breathed a sigh of relief.

Santana continued, "See that's something you shouldn't be worried about."

"Ok, ok, I get you; I just don't want to see you self-destruct under the pressure, especially now Jesse is back."

"Let me worry about Jesse Quinn, you worry about getting A's, and plucking up the courage to tell Rachel you like her..."

"Yeah, ok... Wait...what?" Santana giggled at the blushing blonde.

"Come on bed."

...

Rachel walked through high school corridor, turning on her phone. She cringed when she saw the amount of texts she had. She skipped her first lesson, and headed to their spot underneath the bleachers.

"They know about the cutting Dave,"

"Well that was silly of you Rach, just cut underneath your panty line they won't check there."

"I don't want to cut anymore..."

"Hey, if you can live with yourself..." Rachel hung her head in shame, "I can help you Rachel, get rid of the guilt, you feel the need to punish yourself. It burns inside you, it will devour you. I can help you."

"How?" questioned Rachel innocently.

"I love you Rachel, I want to make your pain go away." Dave reached down and undid his trousers, "put it in your mouth, and repent."

Rachel in a daze lowered herself to her knees...

...

Rachel sat in the toilet washing her mouth out with mouthwash, wondering to herself how that had just happened. She didn't understand why she felt so powerless around him. It wasn't the blackmail that kept her coming back; on some level he was right. She felt dirty right now, but she didn't feel as guilty. And she would take dirty over guilty any day of the week. Rachel stared at herself in the mirror, her eyes looked hollow, they lacked that spark they usually had, that burning desire that resided in her soul to be successful to be a star, and it didn't seem as important now. There were more important things than blind ambition. Rachel's self-reflection was interrupted by Quinn.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Sorry I just felt about ill,"

"Have you been cutting?" she asked her in an angry hushed whisper.

"No... Quinn, can this just be my one time only cover for me...and don't tell Santana."

Quinn battled with her conscious, "ok, but this is a onetime deal Rachel."

Rachel smiled at the blonde, she leaned over and kissed the girl's cheek lingering perhaps a second to long, "thank you Quinn," she turned and left the toilets. Quinn just stood there, bringing her hand up to caress the cheek that still held the remnants of Rachel's kiss.

...

"Ok guys, for the final week of glee before summer break, the theme is going to be Broadway."

Rachel gave a little squeal of joy, and Santana rolled her eyes at the small brunette. "But," Mr. Schue continued, "I want new musicals, musicals from the last 15 years..."

"Are we counting revivals?" asked Kurt, "because I think I could capture Alan Cumming's version of the emcee perfectly..."

"Yes revivals can count, I'm giving you today to find your songs, you can perform them throughout the week, solos, duets, ensembles, whatever you want, just have fun with it, you're not limited to one song, ..."

"I don't think I know any Broadway musicals..." said Puck.

"That's fine Noah, I am more than willing to help you find a suitable song, and I have an extensive collection you can draw from..."

"That's settled then," said Mr. Schue with a clap of his hands. "You're all dismissed."

Rachel whispered wickedly into Quinn's ears while glancing towards Santana and Brittany, a smirk appeared on Quinn's face.

"Wait a second Mr Schue, me and Rachel have a song already, if you wouldn't mind..."

"No of course not take it away,"

Quinn and whispered in the piano man's ears, who smirked at her whispers.

Rachel spoke up, "we would like to dedicate this song to Brittany and Santana, and can verify the truth of this song, as we live them..."

The opening bar started up, Santana paled, before looking at the two girls shocked, then Rachel belted out the first line, "You can be as loud as the hell you want when you're making love,"

Quinn chorused behind her, "When you're making love." Rachel repeated her line and Quinn hers. The glee club were looking at the girls in shock who were trying to stop smirking while singing. Brittany was dancing along in her seat to the music, while Santana was ashen.

Rachel continued the song, "You're not allowed to be loud at the library at the art museum or at a play but when you and your partner are doing the nasty," she glanced knowing at the pair, "don't behave like you're at the ballet! Cause you can be as loud as the hell you want when you're making love..."

At this point the other glee club members where clapping along, and joining in with Quinn's harmony, "When you're making love."

Rachel belted out, "Smack it and lick it and rub it and suck it!" while the rest of glee chorused, "Loud as the hell you want!"

Rachel and Quinn finished, the glee club responded empathically, until they saw Santana stand up with a face like thunder, "Rachel Barbra Berry..."

Rachel gulped, and looked into the fiery Latina's eyes. "You're such a cheeky bugger." Santana finished with a smirk on her face. Rachel breathed a sigh in relief. "As Rachel seems intent on embarrassing me, I think Glee club party at ours Friday night, I'm thinking we can have a look at Rachel's baby photos, I know there's an amazing potty training one."

Rachel paled considerably, "you wouldn't do that San!"

"Wouldn't I?" she said with a smirk and a cocked eyebrow.

Quinn interrupted, "she so would Rachel..."

"Also Rachel do you know there is another time, to be as loud as the hell you want..." she said stepping closer to the brunette.

Rachel looked up at her perplexed, Santana continued, "When you're being tickled." Santana then started her attack.

"Quinn! Finn! Kurt! Save me,"

Quinn threw her hands up in the hair, "I'm not getting involved in that."

Kurt looked down at his nails, "damage these cuticles, no chance Berry, not for all the solos in the world."

Finn stood on his feet dramatically, grabbed some sheet music, and rolling it up into a mock sword, "I'll rescue the fair damsel," he replied dramatically, appealing to Rachel's love of melodrama. Mr Schue just sat in his chair, watching the kids mess around, glad to see them acting like kids for the first time in a long time. He should really have put a stop to it, but who was he too destroy their moment of innocence.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

_Wow seriously lovely reviews... the song from the last chapter was from Avenue Q. Some people have been asking how long the karofsky thing would be going on for. I don't think I'm being too graphic, I'm merely insinuating what has been happening between them, if it makes you uncomfortable, you can message me and I can tell you how it will escalate, so you decide whether or not to carry on reading. Sorry I've not answered but a lot of the way I write is about not giving information away. I like to write a jigsaw puzzle that people have to put together on their own. I would ruin that if I wrote it all the back-story in an added note. Anyway enjoy! The reviews are really inspiring me to write hence the quick updates I'm even surprising myself!_

"Can I participate then?" questioned Rachel glancing in-between Jesse and Santana.

Santana glared at Jesse, "it's just a theatre workshop right?"

"Yes," replied Jesse, "it's for a new musical, Spring Awakening, it's like an angst grease." He finished omitting the truth slightly.

"Fine, I give in, 9-5, four times a week."

"Thank you so much Santana," Rachel squealed in her ear, as she practically rugby tackled the taller girl.

"Ok I get your grateful, I need to talk to Jesse for a moment, go make sure you're ready for the last day of school tomorrow," Rachel pouted at her but left the room.

Santana turned to the man sitting across the table, "I'm trusting you Jesse; I know you care about her, which is why I'm giving you this chance, mess this up and I'll set up a restraining order."

"A bit melodramatic San,"

"No it's not, she's still delicate,"

"It's just a music workshop Santana,"

Santana slammed her hands on the table, "it's not about the workshop this is about you and your penchant for running off when the going gets tough. Rachel needs stability right now; she needs to know we are here."

"It's different now Santana," cut in Jesse.

"You can't erase the past,"

"It doesn't mean I can't try and make up for it."

Santana held her hands up, "look you know I don't like you, I'm letting you back in for Rachel's sake, just remember your place in the grand scale."

...

"Glee party still on tonight?" asked Finn.

"Yep, end of year blow-out," replied Rachel leaning on her locker. She glanced out of the corner of her eye and saw Karofsky beckoning her over with one finger.

"I'm sorry to run Finn but my presence is required elsewhere, I'll see you tonight 7.30 promptly?"

"I'll be there with bells on," he replied, showing her his crooked grin.

...

"I'm going to miss you Rachel," Dave said sincerely touching her cheek, Rachel flinched at his touch.

"If you find someone else during the summer, you should go for it."

Rachel looked at him in shock, "but who can you find who understands better than me, don't I make you feel better? Don't I love you enough? No-one could ever love you the way I do, everybody else would see the real you, and not bear to touch you."

Rachel cringed and looked at her feet, "I know you're right Dave, thank you for helping me so diligently, perhaps we could meet up over the summer."

Dave smirked evilly in delight, "that sounds brilliant Rach." He squeezed her into a tight awkward hug. Dave walked away, leaving a confused Rachel wondering how she is being manipulated so easily, the guilt that she usually felt drift away whenever she was around Dave was still lingering around, except it was now marred with the dirty feeling he gave her.

...

Santana stared at the two teens, "1" she said. Quinn looked at her, "5." Santana scoffed at her, "you're dreaming 2," she replied.

Quinn hardened he gaze, "6."

Santana glared at the blonde, "1, you just lost ground."

"Santana," whined Rachel, "come on."

Santana licked her lips, "ok 3, but any more and I will come down on you like a tonne of bricks."

"Alright calm down mama bear." Joked Quinn.

"I'm serious guys; you can have three drinks at the party tonight that's it, considering you're 15..."

Quinn interrupted, "16." Santana rolled her eyes and continued anyway.

"I'm being more than generous, and Quinn a shot counts as a drink, so no shotting in between your drinks."

"Damn it San!" Rachel giggled, at the pair.

Santana smiled at them both, "I thought I knew all the tricks, the Berry's were always one step ahead of me, and I'll always be three steps ahead of you two."

"We'll see Santana, the game is on."

They were interrupted by Puck throwing open the door carrying a crate of beer of his shoulder.

"There is such a thing as knocking Puck you know?"

"Yes but where's the fun in that?" he replied dumping the crate onto the nearest table. Puck turned to Rachel, "how's my favourite Jewish sister?"

"I'm good Noah," she replied giving him a hug.

"Hey what about me?" questioned Quinn elbowing him in the side.

"Don't interrupt the Jew love Fabray." She went to slap him but was interrupted by more guests coming through the door.

"This place is dead, where's the music?" questioned Mercedes loudly, the only way she knew how to say anything. She headed off into the living room to find the ihome system. Soon everyone had filtered into the house. Everyone was just relaxing, sipping beer and enjoying the music. "Let's play some games," said Finn.

"Games like what?"

"Um spin the bottle?" he asked again.

"Aren't we a little old for that?"

"Nah," replied Puck, "it will just be a laugh."

Santana stood up, "me and Brit are going to go fetch the pizzas, I take it we can trust you to not destroy the house?"

They were waved by half-assed arms in the air.

The remaining gleeks sat around in a circle, "so what are the rules?" asked Rachel.

Quinn rolled her eyes at the brunette, "you have to rules don't you Rachel?"

"Bottle spins on you once, it's a kiss on the lips, bottle spins on you twice it's tongue action, if you get a lucky third, you go into the closet for a bit of 7 minutes in heaven," replied Puck, looking up and down Quinn appraisingly.

"Right who is going first?" asked Kurt finally speaking up.

"I'll go first," replied Puck spinning the bottle with a cocky flourish, it spun around and landed on Kurt. Puck rolled his eyes but leant over and captured his lips, then sat back down, while everyone else looked at him in astonishment. "It's the rules of the game, he said with a smirk." He then poured himself a shot of tequila and downed it in one, before passing one to Kurt. Kurt then span the bottle himself, which landed on Rachel. They gave each other cheesy grins, before leaning in and pecking each other. Puck poured two more shots, which they downed without question. Rachel spun it around, and watched as it landed on Finn. His face lit up at the result, they leaned in and kissed each other tentatively, enjoying the feel of each other. Rachel sat back down, and was rewarded another shot. Quinn looked at her, "you sure you want that Rach?"

"Yes I'm sure Quinn," she replied shooting a glare at the blonde. Finn spun the bottle around, and it landed on Rachel again. Quinn watched in envy as they leaned in and kissed again. This time Finn's tongue slipping into Rachel's mouth, exploring each other. They sat back down with contented smiles on their face. Rachel downed the shot that was but in front of her by Puck. The tequila was already starting to go to her head. She spun the bottle rather clumsily. It landed facing Quinn. Rachel looked up in shock, "I can't kiss Quinn." Quinn tried to hide the hurt in eyes at Rachel's admission. "Come on you have to Rachel it's the rules," said a giddy Mercedes. "Give me another shot first," replied Rachel. Puck impressed with her zeal poured it; she downed it, involuntarily cringing when it hit the back of her throat. She stood up and straddled Quinn's lap, and lowered her head towards the blonde. They cautiously placed their lips together. Rachel moaned involuntary at the contact, as she deepened the kiss. The rest of glee looked shocked at the activity. Rachel quickly detached from the blonde in panic, of the feeling that had just flew through her. She stood up and turned abruptly, "whose up for body shots?" she looked at Finn with a wink before heading into the kitchen. Finn stumbled in his efforts to follow her. Quinn lightly traced her lips with a hand wandering if she imagined that connection. Kurt leant over to Quinn, "what's happened to Rachel? I've never seen her so brazen. Is she drinking her problems away?"

"I don't know," replied Quinn with worry in her eyes, "we need to watch her." Kurt stood up holding his hand out to the blonde to help her to her feet. Neither were prepared for the sight before them. Rachel was laying on the kitchen table; puck was pouring the alcohol directly into her mouth, while Finn was kissing her stomach, her shirt lying on the kitchen floor. Rachel sat up, "that was invigorating." She leant over to puck and captured him in a kiss, and started to grind up against him.

Quinn's jaw dropped, as did the majority of the gleek's. "I think we need to cut her off," said Mercedes.

"Guys you need to stop this," cut in Artie. "If San comes back to this, she is going to flip."

"We are just having fun," replied Puck. "Rachel's a big girl she can make her own mind up. Can't you Rach?"

Rachel looked up from sucking his neck and just nodded. All Rachel was thinking in her drunken mind was proving she wasn't gay, and showing puck the lessons she had learnt from Dave. Rachel started to stroke her hands down towards Puck's trousers, and went for the button. Quinn reached over and yanked Rachel away. She stumbled back into Quinn's arms, "get off me Quinn! I know what I want," she slurred trying to keep balance. "Finn, Puck, come and gets it..."

Kurt stood on Rachel's other side to help Quinn prop her up. Puck looked at the girl glad in shorts and a bra. "Get it down Puck, I have two words for you; statutory rape," Quinn said looking at the 17 year old boy.

"Hey I wasn't going to do anything, she's Rachel, and it was just a bit of fun." Rachel scrambled out of the Quinn and Kurt's arms, and made a bee line for the bottle of tequila, she was about to tip it into her mouth, when she was interrupted by a voice, that was surprisingly calm, but still scared the hell out of Rachel.

"I'd put that down if I was you," the statement was accentuated by the drop of a half a dozen pizza boxes on the kitchen table, and the clanging of keys.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Sorry it's been so long since an update, had a very stressful/distressing week... this chapter is dedicated to beaner008, who gave me the guidance to finish this chapter, wouldn't have churned it out without them. Hope you enjoy, reviews would really cheer me. ...

Rachel turned her head abruptly towards the voice. "Santana," she whimpered under her breath before getting emboldened by the alcohol, and lifted the bottle back up towards her mouth. Quinn gasped at her audacity.

"You drink one more drop of that you are going to be a seriously sorry little girl." The other glee members didn't know what to do.

Brittany yelled out through the door, "guy's can someone show me how to set up Singstar?" a mass exodus then occurred, until the only ones left in the kitchen where Santana, Rachel, Quinn, Finn and Puck. Rachel starred at Santana. Puck and Finn went to leave the room, Santana averted her fury towards them, "if either of you two ever touch her like I think I saw you do, I will castrate you both, she's 15."

"God Santana, dramatic much," moaned Rachel. Santana turned her glare back to the brunette; the boys used that moment to plan their escape from the angry Latina.

"Put the bottle down Rachel," she said calmly. Rachel tauntingly put it up to her lips, and poured a few drops onto her tongue. Santana saw red in that moment; she angrily snatched the bottle out of Rachel's hand. And hoisted the brunette up onto her shoulder, and carried her out of the room.

"Santana..."

"Quinn don't. Go see the others, I'll be down soon."

Santana carried the brunette up the stairs and into her bedroom. "Why are we in your room?" asked Rachel. Santana dropped the brunette onto the bed, the fire still in her eyes.

"What the hell has gotten into you? Was I not reasonable with the alcohol?"

"Chill out San."

"Get into bed Rachel,"

"But it's your bed?"

"I know it is, I need to keep an eye on you tonight."

"I'm fine, I think I should go back downstairs," she replied with a drunken stagger.

"Rachel if you're not in that bed in 5 seconds, I can promise you one hell of an ass whooping, you're already getting one in the morning, want to make it two?"

At the Rachel paled, and jumped into the bed. "What do you mean I'm getting one?"

"You heard me, now go to sleep I'll come back and check on you in 5 minutes don't you dare come out of this room, if I catch you out of this room, I'll spank you downstairs in front of everyone."

Rachel gulped and knew even in her drunken state not to push Santana anymore. She closed her eyes, and willed herself to fall asleep.

...

She woke up with a groan, her eyes struggling to focus on anything, her mouth felt like sandpaper. She turned her head and was surprised to see Santana sitting up in the bed next to her, with a face like thunder directed at her.

"Oh god... My head..."

"I'm glad it hurts," replied Santana, "any idea how much trouble you're in?"

Rachel cringed, "I had a few more than 3 didn't I?"

"What the hell got into you? I was more than reasonable in your alcohol allowance. I gave you an inch and you took a mile."

"I was just being a teenager Santana! You did it when you were my age."

"Yes I did, and do you remember what the consequences of my actions were."

Rachel shot up, but soon regretted the action as it felt like someone had smacked her in the head.

"You have no excuses Rachel, you know the rules and you know exactly what your fathers would do? Do you want to get it over with now? Or after breakfast?"

"Santana..." drawled Rachel, "you don't need to do it, and it was different you got punished for getting me drunk..."

"And drinking myself Rachel."

"But you're not my parent, god I thought you would be happy! I'm finally acting normal!" Santana raised her eyebrows at that; "this is not normal for you Rachel, normal for you is singing funny girl at the top of your lungs."

"I'm not a little girl any more Santana! I'm acting like I should have been; I'm not dressing like a man-child reject anymore."

Santana leant over and cupped Rachel's face with her hands, "what's going on with you? Where is all this coming from?"

"It's the truth," Rachel spat out bitterly.

"No it's not, my patience has worn out Rachel, and I know you've gone through something horrible, but it's not an excuse anymore. Your behaviour was reprehensible." Santana cringed when she said that echoing Leroy Berry's words.

"You don't know what I've gone through you, stop pretending you do! I'm the one that had to crawl past their bodies not you!" Rachel yelled, pointing a finger angrily at the Latina.

"You're right I don't but I lost them too! They were my dad's too, Ok Rachel! I'm fed up with you throwing that in my face; I need to take control of this situation. I need to take control of you," she finished by looking Rachel directly in the eyes.

"I don't need you to take control of me."

"You really do, drinking, cutting; your behaviour towards your friends, your general attitude has sucked! So we are done, you're going to feel the full force of it now. I have to step up."

"You're not my mom!"

"You're right I'm not but I've always disciplined you Rach, even when your dads were here, remember the beginning of the year when you sent Sunshine to the crack den? And your dads were away for the weekend, so I dealt with it."

Rachel cringed at this, "oh yeah you dealt with it alright..." She reached her hand back at the memory. Santana shuffled to the side so her knees were over the side of the bed, she slapped her thighs, "come on Rachel now."

Rachel shook her head, "no," she whimpered, tears leaking down her face. Santana pulled the girl onto her lap, Rachel buried her face into Santana's shoulder, and in response she wrapped her arms around the shaking small girl.

"This is happening Rachel," Santana kissed the girl's forehead. "Now come on, I've been patient enough, over my knee now." Rachel stood up then draped herself over.

...

Santana closed Rachel's door behind her, she cringed as she heard the younger girl sobbing. She leant against the door, the back of head resting against the door. She heard the cries through the wood making them seem louder. Santana felt a tear drip down her face she wiped it hurriedly away with her arm, took a deep breath, and righted herself. She was sure Rachel's ego was more bruised than anything else. She walked down the stairs and sat down at the kitchen table sighing heavily to herself. Quinn was buttering some toast quite angrily, while Brittany was looking at Santana in sympathy.

"Are all the glee lot gone?"

"Yes," replied Quinn curtly. Santana raised her eyebrows at the blonde's attitude.

"Get out of the wrong side of the bed this morning Q?"

"No," replied Quinn, "I just think it's disgraceful they way you treat Rachel."

"What happens between Rachel and myself, stays between us, you jumped on the train late Quinn. I have been in Rachel's life since she was 12; you've been friends for less than a year..." Santana's rant was interrupted by Rachel entering the room, her eyes were still a little red, and that coupled with her nightshirt made her look very young. She walked up to Santana and wrapped her arms around her. Santana rested her chin on Rachel's head, she started swaying lightly with Rachel in her arms, "it's ok _estrellita." ____Rachel_stepped back from her, "I'm sorry san," she said looking down at her feet, "I guess I just wanted a normal teenage experience."

"It's ok Rach, you've been punished, let's forget about it."

Quinn just snorted, "Yeah let's just forget about." She threw her knife into the sink haphazardly, the noise echoed around the kitchen.

Brittany looked at Santana who looked so tired, "Quinn Anne Fabray, go to your room right now."

The three girls looked at Brittany in shock. "What?" asked Quinn.

Brittany stood up straighter, "you heard me! Go now!"

Quinn just made the face of a fish gulping in water; a look of utter astonishment. Santana continued to cuddle Rachel. Quinn recovered; she stood up tall, and with poise left the room.

"Where did that come from?" Santana asked Brittany.

Brittany shrugged, "I'm fed up of the way Quinn treats you, I need to step up too, and it's not fair that it's all left to you."

"I have to do it Brittany you don't."

"I know you say you have to Santana, but even if you didn't have too you still would. And I love you, and you are a package deal, I get two annoying teenagers with you."

"Hey," moaned Rachel into Santana's shoulder. Brittany walked over and starting playing with Rachel's hair.

"Scratch that, 2 five year olds."

"Just don't grow up too soon, Brit; I love your childlike innocence."

"Don't worry San, I'll go talk to Quinn, then we can settle down and watch some sesame street."

"Ok but as long as you sing me the rubber ducky song," replied Santana smiling at the blonde.

...

When Brittany entered the room she was surprised to see Quinn stood there, her arms by her side, and her head bowed to the floor. She paused for a second taking in Quinn's strange demeanour but decided to ignore it. She grabbed Quinn's arm and sat her down on the bed.

"Ok Quinn, you need to stop giving Santana such a hard time she's doing her best."

Quinn regained some of her inner best, "her best is beating Rachel."

"She didn't beat her, and you know she would never beat her."

"She made her cry," Quinn replied crossing her arms. Looking very much the petulant child.

"There's a bigger issue here, Quinn and I don't think you're going to tell me, but here is how this is going to pan out, you're going to go downstairs and apologise to Santana."

"What if I don't?"

Brittany narrowed her eyes, "Quinn stop pushing, you're going to push too far soon, so just apologise now, and keep your dignity intact."

"You mean like Rachel's dignity."

"What goes on between Santana and Rachel is between them! You need to stop getting involved, if you get involved again, you are not going to like the consequences, now I think you should stay in your room and think about it, and when you're ready come down and apologise, don't come downstairs until you ready to apologise."

Brittany left the room, leaving Quinn to her thoughts. She smiled as she got downstairs and saw Santana sat on the sofa, Rachel on the floor her head resting on Santana's knee. She sat down next to Santana and curled into her body, and watched the television, listening to Ernie serenading his rubber ducky.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11.

Hey sorry it's short, it's been quite a stressful time for me...hopefully updates will start to stabilise again soon! Thanks again to Beaner008. It was mentioned in a few of the reviews, that you guys didn't like the fact that Santana yelled at Rachel over the cutting. I assure you this was done purposefully to show the fact that Santana is inexperienced and has no idea how to deal with the situation! i realise yelling is not the optimum solution! Hope you enjoy, and if you do please review, nothing cheers me up quite like them.

The house had been tense for a week; Quinn was being polite but curt with Santana. The attitude was beginning to grate on Brittany. Rachel was pretty oblivious she was wrapped up in her Broadway workshop with Jesse. Another factor that was annoying Quinn, she was fed up of Rachel singing his praises. The whole house was. Rachel was sat at the table eating her fruit salad breakfast waiting patiently for Jesse to pick her up. Quinn was slumped in her chair, stabbing her fork into her plateful of bacon. Enjoying the clanging and scratching noises the metal was making against the plate. Santana rolled her eyes at the blonde, "is there any need for that Quinn?"

Quinn glared at Santana, giving her the infamous HBIC look she had perfected over the years. Quinn stood up gracefully, "you know what I think is funny?" Quinn paused mid speech and glanced to Santana who gave her the look to continue. "You think you're the boss in this house, but at school you answer to me. I'm head cheerio."

"I don't answer to you, Quinn. Head cheerio is merely a status, a figurehead more than an actual role."

"That's why you were so jealous when I got it,"

"I used to think it was important, but then I realised it just isn't. There are much more important things..."

"Yeah why being a controlling bitch at school, when you can be one at home?" an awkward silence took over the room, before it was interrupted by Rachel.

"Can we please stop this pointless arguing? Let it go Quinn."

Quinn slammed her glass down angrily, "I won't let this go, Santana is being abusive!"

Rachel saw red at that, "Santana is not being abusive! If anyone has been abusive to me in the last 3 years it's you! Or don't you remember? Rupaul? Manhands?"

"But she hits you Rach!"

"She doesn't hit me, she..." Rachel went red as she attempted to say the word, so Brittany intervenes.

"Spanks, there's a difference Quinn. It's a comforting thing for Rachel, her dads used to punish them both that way. It's a link."

"Well to me it's just abuse!" spat out Quinn. Rachel stood up, and headed towards the door. She turned back to Quinn, "I'm going to my workshop Quinn, and I want you to think real hard about this." She left with a dramatic flourish.

Quinn turned her attention back to the other two girls, "its abuse Santana."

Brittany cocked her head at Quinn and looked at her in interest, "Quinn have you even been spanked?"

Quinn immediately paled, "that's known of your business!" she said angrily.

"It's a simple question Quinn; maybe you don't understand it, because you've never had one."

"This conversation is ridiculous, I'm going out!"

"No you're not," replied Brittany, "you are grounded remember."

Quinn growled in exasperation, "can't you see how ridiculous this is, you two parenting me, you're only two years older than me!"

"You're right but those two years make us adults and you a child. What were you expecting? Us four to move in, and it to be like one endless slumber party. Life doesn't work that way. Are we conventional? No. Do we love each other? Yes. We can make this family work no matter how weird it is," said Santana.

Quinn shrugged her shoulders in defeat, "ok I concede to that point."

Brittany laughed at that, "you've been spending too much time with Rachel." All three girls smirked at that.

"You just have to talk to us Quinn; we need to make this work that will only happen if we are open about everything. Rachel is finally coming through this; she's finally starting to even mention the accident. Rachel is looking to me as a maternal figure, so I'm responding to her in that way. I know you don't see me in the same way, and I'm not expecting you to, can you at least see me as a big sister and concede," Santana said concede with a little smirk on her face, "that I'm in charge."

Quinn nodded reluctantly. Santana smiled, "good who's up for shopping? Go get dressed Quinn," she swatted the younger girl playfully, but missed her reaction. Brittany watched in concern as the young girl froze up, and tensed immediately, her hands balled into fists at her sides, and as quickly as she saw that reaction it was gone. Quinn disappeared up the stairs. Brittany went to rinse her coffee cup, while Santana got dressed as well.

...

"Mama who bore me  
Mama who gave me  
No way to handle things  
Who made me so sad

Mama, the weeping  
Mama, the angels  
No sleep in Heaven, or Bethlehem

Some pray that one day  
Christ will come a'-callin'  
They light a candle  
And hope that it glows  
And some just lie there  
Crying for him to come and find them  
But when he comes they don't know how to go

Mama who bore me  
Mama who gave me  
No way to handle things  
Who made me so bad

Mama, the weeping  
Mama, the angels  
No sleep in Heaven, or Bethlehem."

Rachel finished to the applause that erupted in the choir room, "that was beautiful," came a voice from behind the piano.

Rachel looked down at her feet, but soaked in the praise none the less. Jesse approached her and brought her into a hug.

The woman stood up from behind the piano, "exciting news guys, we have the opportunity to put on spring awakening as a show."

"What here in Ohio?"

"No New York,"

Excited whispers overtook the room, "under 18's need parental permission, but try outs will officially be tomorrow, let's take a break, then we'll go over bitch of living afterwards." The group disbanded, Jesse turned to Rachel, "I'll meet you in the cafe, just need to talk to Shelby for 5 minutes ok?" Rachel nodded kissed his cheek and headed out of the room.

"Shelby are you ever going to tell her?"

"Jesse..."

"I feel terrible lying to her like this,"

"You're not lying you're omitting the truth, I'm not ready for her to know."

"Are you sure we're not manipulating her?"

"No, if anything we are doing her a favour, giving her the opportunity to go to New York,"

"That's not what I was taking about and you know it," cut in Jesse. "Santana loves her so much."

"She's 18 Jesse, she needs to have her own life, and that's what I'll be offering them when the time comes. I can take custody and move to New York with her."

"Yes but why can't you just be open about this,"

"I want to let Rachel get to know me first, she would never just leave the family home, and not after the year she's had. I want her to want me. I want her to trust me."

"You are going about in a weird way to get her to trust you,"

Shelby gave him her patented glare. "Look remember Jesse you agreed with me, I'm doing what's best for all involved. I'm freeing Santana, and taking care of my daughter."

"I don't understand why custody wasn't given to you in the first place,"

"Let's just say me and the berry's did not get on... and leave it at that."

Jesse just threw his hands up in the air, "fine, fine, I give up, I'm going to go get some food with Rachel."

Shelby sat back down at the piano, her thoughts distracting her from playing.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12.

Hey y'all small update, wanted one up before the hell of xmas takes over...as I'm spending my xmas with my good friend Mr Jack Daniels, i can't guarantee and update for at least 3 days. That's how long i plan to be hungover for... that's what Christmas is really about. I hope you enjoy this chapter. And hope you all have a better xmas than me! Please review, I like the happy feeling they give me. 

"Can I borrow the credit card Santana?" Santana looked at the blonde thoughtfully.

"Ok no-more than 200 you hear me?"

"I'm not a child S," Quinn answered taking the card with a flourish, and headed towards Abercrombie and Fitch.

Brittany turned towards Santana, "I'm worried about her, S"

Santana frowned at Quinn's retreating form, "I am too, but I don't know what's caused this sudden 180, she was the one backing how I was dealing with Rachel."

"I think she was abused Santana,"

"Brit that's a serious accusation, we can't assume that over a couple of flinches here and there."

"I know S, I just think we need to keep a close eye on her, something has made her snap and I think it was hearing you spank Rachel."

Santana looked thoughtfully at the blonde and linked pinkies with her, "you may have a point, and we will just have to watch her carefully." Brittany smiled back at Santana, "now let's go rescue your credit card before we are bankrupt."

...

"Brilliant practice, remember auditions tomorrow people."

"Come on Rach, I need to get you home before Santana has a shit fit,"

Rachel rolled her eyes at Jesse, "do you and Santana have to always play this game it gets exhausting."

Jesse looked at her in surprise, "this coming from the resident drama queen." He replied bumping his shoulder against hers.

"Can't you at least try to get along? You are making a very emotionally charged situation, and sticking me directly in the middle."

Jesse rolled his eyes, "all that matters Rach is that you know we both love you. Me and san might not be best friends, but you know we both have your best interests at heart."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, well you and Santana both have the same patronising tone."

"Come on Rach, let's get out of here." He linked arms with her and strode out of the theatre.

...

Santana was sat outside on the steps up to the house; she found the night air relaxing. The girls were all in bed. She brought her hand up to her mouth, and put the cigarette to her lips, she inhaled sharply enjoying the feeling of the smoke filling her lungs. She breathed it out slowly her posture slumping to relax in the feelings.

"You know that will destroy your voice and Sue would kick you off the cheerio's. Plus you know Rachel would freak out?"

Santana kept her eyes trained on the ground; she didn't need to lift her head to know who it was, "there's only one person who gives speeches better than Rachel."

Mr Schue laughed, "I'm not sure whether or not to be offended or not?" he sat next to her on the step.

"How you doing Santana?" he asked his tone changing to one of concern. Santana sighed heavily and brought the cigarette to her mouth and inhaled loudly.

"Am I doing the right thing? Would they not be better off, with a grown-up?"

Will smiled at this, "Santana you are a grown up."

"I'm going to be a senior next year again, it's a little humiliating."

"Santana you lost your parents, had to plan a funeral, look after your little sister, while balancing a house, and dealing with abusive ex-family members. Don't sell yourself short, you are amazing."

"Then why don't I feel like that,"

"It's because you care so much, you want to be the best, but you're only human, Santana, you will make mistakes."

"Rachel's been cutting herself." Mr Schue was silenced by that.

Santana continued speaking, "I'm trying to handle it the best I can, but I don't know what to do or say. I don't want to be angry at her, but I can't help it. Rachel didn't have to deal with all the paperwork, the funeral arrangements. I carried it all. Yet she's the one with all the drama. The one everyone wants to help and rescue. Whose there to help me!" she finished angrily.

"You don't mean that San, you're just worried. You've stepped up admirably; there are not many 18 year olds who would have done what you have done."

"Stop praising me Mr Schue."

"How many times Santana it's Will outside of school. Look if you're struggling come to me that's what I'm here for."

"I know Will, but you have enough worries without me adding to them."

"Santana, you know I'm here, but to be honest you don't need me. You can do this. You are such a strong person. Think about how much Rachel has grown since you moved in with her; consider Brittany who purposely failed her exams so she could redo the year with you. You have so many people here for you, if you need somebody to lean on."

Santana stubbed her cigarette out in a flower pot, "Thanks will."

Will wrapped Santana in a one armed hug, "Anytime Santana," he turned and headed back to his car, Santana watched his car drive away before she stepped back into the house. She kicked her slippers under the table, and then turned around to lock the door behind her, before heading up the stairs to her room. She was about to enter her empty room, (Brittany was staying at her parent's house) when she heard a whimper, and what sounded like sobbing. She approached the girl's room, opening the door quietly. She gazed over at Rachel who was sleeping peacefully evidenced by the deep breaths her lungs were taking. Her eyes scanned across the room, stopping on Quinn's prone form. She was tossing and turning, seemingly in pain. Santana approached the bed, and caressed the girl's face and hair lightly, making soothing noises. "It's ok Quinn, it's ok." In response Quinn started to jerk more violently, Santana lay down on the bed and wrapped her arms around the agitated blonde, firmly but not overly tightly. She kissed the girl's forehead, who finally started to calm down in response to Santana's actions. Quinn opened her eyes sharply in surprise. "Santana what's going on?"

"You were having a nightmare, it's ok go back to sleep," Santana could feel the tension in Quinn's body. "It's ok relax,"

"You're not angry?" she asked in a tired innocence.

"No I'm not," Santana replied simply. Quinn snuggled into Santana's embrace, allowing herself to drift over to sleep, safe in the knowledge she was protected.

Rachel was not ready for the emotion that filled upon the sight she woke up to. Jealously ebbed and flowed through her veins at seeing Santana and Quinn cuddled up in Quinn's bed. She wasn't entirely sure who she was jealous of. She reached her arm out and touched the alarm button on the top of her clock. The sharp noise made the two girls jump apart, resulting in a smug smile emerging on Rachel's face. Santana sat up in the bed, "I shotgun first shower." She had decided last night the best way to play the situation with Quinn was to wait for her to come to her and talk about it. Quinn was never going to be as self-destructive as Rachel. Both girls had different ways of handling things, Santana wished to respect that fact. Once Santana left the room, Rachel launched a verbal assault on Quinn.

"Why was Santana in your bed?"

Quinn looked at the brunette amused, "why does it matter?"

"Well she's dating Brittany."

"Oh come on Rachel you know it's not like that, you and Santana have shared a bed before."

"Well that was completely different circumstances..."

"How so? I've shared a bed with you?"

Quinn watched in further amusement as Rachel went red. "That was different..." she spluttered.

"How?" asked Quinn in fake naivety trying to get a rise out of Rachel.

Rachel scowled at the blonde, "I'm going to get ready for my workshop."

Quinn just smirked to herself, maybe there was hope for her and Rachel yet.


	13. Chapter 13

Hey guys, small chapter, but a reviewer made me feel bad by reminding me I'm going to New York in January for a week, so I want to give you plenty of updates before I jet off. Though you will probably hate me after this chapter not going to lie! Plus I was slightly inebriated when I wrote this so please forgive any spelling mistakes. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 13

Jesse wrapped Rachel in a hug, "can you believe we got the parts opposite each other!"

Rachel smirked into his shoulder, Jesse pulled back to look into Rachel's eyes. "How did you get Santana agree to this?"

Rachel looked at him sheepishly, "I forged her signature... I don't think she would agree with the content ..."

Jesse looked at her, "god Santana is so uptight, and it's art..."

"She's not uptight Jesse she's just looking out for me," replied Rachel defensively. Jesse looked at her defeated on that point.

"Rachel can I ask you something?"

"You just did but ok go for it."

"Have you ever wondered about your mom?"

Rachel took a deep breath, "sometimes, but my dad's were brilliant."

"You must be curious..."

"Yeah I am, but my dad's will said, under no situation should I go into her custody. They must have had reasons for that."

"Maybe they were just worried they would lose you to her,"

"My dad's would never have been that petty," replied Rachel angrily.

"Your dad's were Human Rachel, just because they are dead doesn't mean you should ignore their flaws. They were human and fallible."

"Shut up Jesse, I won't have you speaking about my dad's like that."

"I'm telling the truth Rachel, they weren't perfect. If you met your mom it could take loads of pressure of Santana."

"so now you care about Santana," said Rachel bitterly.

"Rachel don't be like that,"

"Bite me Jesse." She replied storming off.

"Where are going Rachel? I'm your ride."

Rachel stormed out of the theatre her jubilance from getting her dream role abated by the anger she felt towards Jesse. She searched in her pockets to find her phone before remember that Santana still had it. She kicked a wall in exasperation and started to trudge home. She heard a car pull up next to her.

"I'm not getting in Jesse," she yelled without even looking.

"it's not Jesse," came the reply. Rachel turned in shock, "dave?"

Dave smiled at her, "are you going to get in?"

Rachel opened the passenger door and got into the car. "how?"

"i've been watching you sing,"

"you have?"

"I care about you Rachel," he said with a smirk. He rested his hand on her leg, and let his thumb rub circles on the inside of her leg. Rachel cringed at the contact, but tried to relax herself into the contact. She closed her eyes and tried to pretend she was somewhere else. Her mind started to wander as Dave cupped her, and started to rub her intimately through her skirt. "Quinn," she gasped. Dave withdrew his hand immediately.

"What did you just say?" Dave yelled slamming the breaks on and pulling the car over.

Rachel looked shocked at him, "I'm so sorry Dave." Karofsky lifted his arm and backhanded her across the face. "How dare you say someone else's name while I'm touching you? You little slut, are you cheating on me?"

"No I swear I'm not Dave, I promise."

Dave got out of the car, and walked around to the passenger door and yanked Rachel out, and pinned her up against the car, she lifted her up forcing her to wrap her legs around his waist. He dry humped into her, "what's my name?" he dug his fingers into her hip under her shirt, harder enough to draw blood. He put his fingertips into his mouth and licked her blood. "You're mine Rachel Berry. Who do you belong you?"

Rachel sobbed into his shoulder, "yours."

"You're pathetic." He threw her to the ground, she yelped in pain, as her palms shredded on contact with the tarmac, her knees skinned, blood poured onto the ground beneath her. He stormed around the car got into the driver's seat and drove off, leaving the sobbing girl on the floor.

Rachel slowly got to her feet, and started the long walk home.

...

It was dark by the time Rachel reached her house. She limped through the door, closing it behind her in relief at finally getting home. That relief was soon shattered.

"Where the hell have you been?" yelled Santana in the doorway. "I've been worried sick, Brittany is out looking for you, Mr Schue is out looking for you, so is Jesse. You don't just storm off!"

Santana stopped her rant when she took in Rachel's appearance. Her anger instantly turning into worry. "What happened?"

Rachel looked at the older girl weakly, "I was walking home, a car mounted the pavement, I jumped out of the way to avoid it and landed funny, that's all."

Santana looked at her studying her face to see any trace of a lie. Rachel kept her poker face throughout Santana's appraisal. Santana grabbed Rachel's hand gently and lead her up to the bathroom. She lifted the smaller girl onto the side next to the sink and got the first aid kit out of the cupboard and continued to berate her as she cleaned her wounds.

"You don't storm off like that, you hear me?"

"You don't even like Jesse," replied Rachel in a smart Alec voice.

"I don't care Rachel, you don't do that. In this family we don't run away, we deal with our problems."

"That's shit Santana."

"Language Rachel,"

"Fuck you Santana, we don't deal with our problems. We bury them and ignore them, and if we don't like something we pretend it didn't happen. Crawl out of your own self-righteous ass."

Santana pulled away from the girl in shock, she bandaged her knees and hands. "Go to your room right now Rachel," she said in a deadly calm voice. Rachel jumped off the side, and stormed to her bedroom slamming the doors. Santana sighed to herself, swearing that Rachel was in fact bi-polar. She walked into her room, seeing the two mobiles on her bedside table. She picked hers up and quickly text the others to let them know Rachel was home and safe. She lay down on her bed and buried her head into her pillow, groaning exasperatedly. She was interrupted from her stupor by the vibration of a phone. She picked her phone, checking the screen and was surprised by the empty screen. She looked over and saw that it was Rachel's phone that was glowing. She picked it up out of curiosity and was surprised to see a text from Finn she opened it, "remember you belong to me. Nobody else, I only do what I do because I love you."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Quick update. Thanks for the reviews, hope you enjoy!

Santana paced angrily in the hallway, yanking her coat of its peg, and thrusting her arms into harshly. She was angry; No she was incandescent with rage. She pulled her boots out of the cupboard, and shoved her feet roughly into the footwear. She was going to kill him; Santana kept imagining what places of Finn's body her boots would soon be making contact with. She was interrupted from her violent thoughts by the door opening, and the bickering of Brittany and Quinn.

"Can I at least slap her?" asked Quinn innocently.

"No you can't," replied Brittany with a giggle. The giggle however died on her face when she saw Santana. "San what's going on?"

"What's going on? I'll tell you what's going on. I'm going to kill Finn Hudson."

"Santana calm down what's going on?"

"I told you, I'm going to rip Finn Hudson a new one."

"I'm not going to let you leave the house like this San," replied Brittany in a rare showing of sincerity.

"You really think you could stop me?" said Santana aggressively stepping towards Brittany. The blonde didn't even flinch. "I'm leaving right now, and you can't stop me."

"Santana, if I let you leave like this you're going to do something stupid and you'll lose everything, why don't you explain what the hell is going on?"

Santana growled in annoyance, and shoved Brittany against the wall, "get out of the way!"

No-one was prepared for what happened next, Santana felt herself hit the floor hard. Quinn had rugby tackled her to the floor, she had lifted her arm ready to punch Santana, but Brittany quickly regained her senses and dragged Quinn off the Latina. Quinn was cursing and spitting, "you're an abusive bitch Santana Lopez! How fucking dare you attack Brittany."

Brittany was shushing the blonde girl, trying to comfort her but didn't loosen the tight grip she had on her. Tears were streaming down the younger blonde's face, as she struggled to control her breathing. She was hyperventilating in her arms; Brittany pulled Quinn's arms in the air over her head, attempting to get her to take deep breaths. Santana looked in shock at the sight, "I'm sorry Brit, but I have to go. I'm sorry, sorry," she kept muttering as she walked out the door. Brittany sighed to herself, and continued to rub circles on Quinn's back.

...

Santana walked out into the surprisingly cold night, she wrapped her coat around her tighter to starve away the cold. She marched down the street and approached the house in question. She knocked on the door loudly, pounding away at it. Finn opened the door, with that goofy smile that always occupies his face. Santana usually found it oddly endearing, and in keeping with his innocent personality, but now he saw it as smug. Santana brought her knee up sharply and it connected to Finn's groin with a thud. He dropped down onto his knees, gasping in pain. His shortness of breath making it impossible for him to question Santana. Now he was down to her level, she punched him hard around the face, grabbing the back of his head before he could fall. She grabbed Rachel's phone out of her pocket and thrust into his face, "care to explain this? You sick Bastard. Did you think I wouldn't find out? Wouldn't suspect finnocence? How long has this been going on for?" she punctuated each question with a rough thrust of her arm banging his head against the door frame. Santana released him, and watched him fall down onto his hands, she waited for him to stop dry-heaving, so he could answer, "I don't know what you're talking about Santana," he rasped out. He picked the dropped phone of the floor, "that's not my number."

She stared at him, "yeah right." He reached his arm into his pocket, grimacing in pain at the movement. He yanked the phone out, give me your number, Santana recited to him, and he clicked call. The number that showed up on her phone didn't match the one on Rachel's. All the colour and anger drained from her body and with it her confidence. "But... you could just have another phone?"

"I don't Santana," he looked up and stared straight into her eyes. She knew in that moment he was telling the truth. She dropped down onto her knees, and let out heart-wrenching sobs, Finn with great difficulty wrapped his arms around the sobbing brunette, "it's ok Santana, I forgive you..." that admission just made the girl sob louder, she had just broke, 6 months worth of pain came pouring out of the girl. Finn just rubbed her back awkwardly, unsure what to do.

...

Brittany led Quinn upstairs to her and Rachel's bedroom. Rachel stared at them as the door opened. Brittany laid the girl down on the bed, before turning her attention to Rachel, "what's going on Rachel? What have you said to Santana to send her off on one?"

She looked at her in bewilderment, "I have no idea,"

Brittany gazed down at Rachel's bandaged knees, "are you lying to me Rachel? Because trust me I'm not in the mood right now? Santana is off on one, I need to know what's going. Right now!"

"I don't know!" Rachel yelled back. Brittany marched over to the brunette yanked her up with one arm and swatted her with the other. This action brought Quinn to life; she stood up and yanked Brittany away from Rachel, "don't you dare touch her again!"

"Quinn get off me now, I was talking to Rachel not you."

"You weren't talking!"

Brittany sighed, "I'm going to go find Santana, don't either of you dare leave this room," she softened her voice, "I'm sorry Rachel I shouldn't have lost my temper like that."

Rachel looked up at her, "I've never seen you like this Brit... this isn't you."

Brittany left the room and shut the door behind her, as soon as the door shut. Rachel threw her arms around the blonde, and whispered, "thank you" into her ear. She caressed her cheek, "Please Quinn I need you, no questions, no expectations, just comfort." She captured the blonde's lips with hers, and moaned into Quinn's mouth. Quinn eagerly attacked Rachel's lips; it was sloppy, messy and passionate. Rachel pulled Quinn roughly into her body, and thrust her knee between Quinn's legs. Quinn threw her head back in response, and pushed her body in response to Rachel's thrusts. She grabbed Rachel harshly and took the power back she shoved her onto the bed, and started groping her roughly, pinching her through the fabric. "Punish me," whimpered Rachel. Those words instantly broke Quinn out of it. "No Rachel," she said sitting up with her head in her hands. "I love you Rachel I won't just be a fuck, I won't." She stood up and walked out of the room, leaving Rachel alone on the bed to cry into her pillow.

...

"Would you like some more milk?" asked Finn tentatively. Santana shook her head nursing the coffee cup to her chest. "I'm so sorry Finn."

"You can stop apologising, it's fine. I understand you're stressed."

"It doesn't make it ok. I assaulted you. You should call the police."

Santana calm down, "I think you need to find out who has been texting Rachel, now you know it's not me, and I think you should go talk to Brittany." Santana glanced at her phone on the table, noticing the now 9 missed calls. Brittany's name flashed on the screen mocking her.

Santana hung her head, "I don't deserve your kindness Finn, and I've been horrible to you, not just today but for years."

"Santana, you need to forgive yourself for the past, you're not head bitch anymore."

"Yes, but I got angry and reverted straight back to that person."

"Santana, that's not you anymore, and I need you to believe that. You're not that angry, scared, alone teenager anymore. Don't push us away. We are your family. We have your back, and we definitely have Rachel's back."

Santana gave Finn a tight hug, but looked guilty when he grimaced at the contact. Finn laughed at her, "if anyone asks, I got hurt protecting you, I would never live it down if the football team found out I had my ass handed to me by a cheerleader." Santana laughed at him, "You have a deal."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15.

Hey it's really short for me, but it's a real transition chapter! Promise extra long update in the next few days.

P.S to beaner...Narnia? oh dear god. Don't go and see that.

Santana walked through the park to their pond, she spotted the blonde sat on the bench throwing bread carelessly to the ducks that surrounded her feet. She sat down next to the blonde. Neither girl moved for a minute. Just listening to the ducks moving around their feet, and the scuffling of feathers.

"I'm so sorry Brittany."

Brittany sighed at the girl, and rested her head on the Latina's shoulder. "i love you so much Santana." Her heart warmed at that, but the nice feeling was soon shot down, "but this isn't working..."

"What?" whimpered Santana jolting upright.

"I don't know who i am anymore San, I'm not Brittany, I'm just your girlfriend. I lost my temper with Rachel. I'm not ready for this."

"What do you mean? You're not ready for this? You promised to stick by me!" Santana yelled.

"Santana you shoved me, in all the years I've known you, and you have never hurt me. I've watched you push, punch and slap everybody else, but never me."

Santana looked at her sadly, "I'm sorry Brittany please."

"This isn't goodbye San this is just a break, i need to remember who i am, I've done everything for you this year. I need to do something for me." Brittany stood up to walk away, Santana mirrored her action, and watched as she walked away.

"What about Rachel and Quinn?" Santana yelled across the park, "you abandoning them as well?"

"That's low Santana; I will always be there for them, the same as I will always be there for you. i just need some time San." Brittany walked back and cupped Santana's cheek; she brushed the solitary tear on her left cheek away with her thumb. She leant in and kissed her softly.

"please don't leave me," pleaded Santana.

"I'm not leaving you San, i just need some space, i'm moving back with my parents. I need to be an I not a we. Please respect that." Santana just nodded mutely and watched the love of her life walk away.

...

Santana shut the front door behind her, hurriedly wiping away the last of her tears. Quinn leant back on the sofa to look at the door. She saw the expression on Santana's face.

"where's Brittany?"

Santana's face hardened, "she doesn't live here anymore."

"What?" replied Quinn startled.

"we are taking a break."

"but you're Santana and Brittany..."

Santana cringed at that, "that's why. I'm sorry Quinn."

"no i'm sorry Santana, i should have never tackled you like that."

"it's okay," she replied awkwardly. They both stood there silently, tension building.

"can we just hug now?" Santana smirked at the blonde when she said that. She gave the girl a tight hug.

"want to tell me what's going on now? The full story..."

...

Quinn was sat on the sofa in shock, "so who the hell text Rachel that then?"

"i don't know but it explains a lot."

"You need to go ask her, and get a straight answer from her,"

"i know i do," replied Santana tiredly. Quinn took in her face and saw the exhaustion on it. She softened her tone, "I'll go with you."

Santana sighed, "No i need to do this."

She turned back to the blonde, "we still need to talk too you know, it's not good to bottle things up. I know you love the whole Christian repression thing, but it's not good for you."

"I'm not bottling anything up."

"Of course you're not, did you also know the pope is Jewish..."

"You think you're so funny Santana," Quinn joked back, glad that Santana was lightening the mood. Santana kissed the girl's forehead, "i know i'm funny." She stood up and walked up the stairs, tentatively knocking on Rachel's door, before barging in.

The younger brunette jumped up at the sudden intrusion into her room, "Rachel i've read your messages, and you have 30 seconds to tell me the name of the person who has been sending them to you."

"What messages?"

"Do not play stupid right now Rachel. You are not stupid."

"Oh those messages,"

"Yes those messages, who are they from?"

"Are you mad at me?"

Santana's face softened, "no I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at whoever has been manipulating you with these messages."

"He's not been manipulating me, he loves me."

"This isn't love Rachel. It just isn't. This is abuse."

"i'm fed up of that word Santana. It gets thrown around so much it doesn't mean anything anymore."

"it's abuse Rachel, tell me who it is."

"no you'll hurt him,"

"he's hurting you Rachel!"

"No he's helping me, he makes me feel something over than guilt." She cried sobbing.

"Oh baby," replied Santana reaching for the other girl. She captured her in her arms, and hugged her tightly.

"just tell me please."

Rachel took a deep breath, "it's..."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Hey sorry it's short again, thanks for all the lovely review it's just a shame about the bad ones. As for the person who told me to take this abomination down. At least have the grace to sign the review. If you don't like it fine but there's people who do like it. It's easy to criticise when you're anonymous.

Rachel took a deep breath, "it's ... complicated."

"I'm not known for my patience berry," replied Santana angrily.

"You won't love me anymore, when you find out what he knows."

"There is nothing anyone could ever say to me, to make me not love you Rachel. You're Rachel Barbra Berry; my annoying Broadway obsessed little sister."

"I'm not your real sister," replied Rachel downcast.

"How am I not? Blood doesn't make family Rachel. Look at my blood relatives; they threw me out without a second glance. We are family by choice, how much better is that?" Santana stated simply grabbing Rachel's face firmly. Rachel nodded in her hands as her tears fell.

"I've been crying so much recently," Rachel said placing her hands on top of Santana's using the other girls hand to wipe away the tears.

"That's not a bad thing; sometimes it's good to have a cry."

"Cathartic," whispered Rachel. Santana rolled her eyes good naturedly, "yes Rachel cathartic."

"So come on what are you hiding?"

"The accident Santana, I was a coward, and he saw me."

"What are you talking about Rachel?"

"The accident didn't kill dad and daddy instantly, I crawled out the window, I tried to open the door, but then the car set was on fire, and I got scared and I left them." Rachel sobbed out to Santana's shocked face.

"I tried to save them I did San, but I got scared. I know it's all my fault, but please don't leave me."

Santana grabbed the girl roughly into her embrace, "shh, why didn't you tell me Rachel?"

"I was ashamed; I know you must hate me,"

"I don't hate you Rachel, what you went through no-one should have to go through. I know we all like to think we would play the hero but we don't. Self-preservation wins out every time. What if you had stayed at the car and you had been killed as well? Would that make it better?"

Rachel looked confusing at her, "but Dave said you would hate me? And you wouldn't want me and we'd be split up if I told?"

"Karofsky? He's behind this?" Santana shot up, "I'm going to kill him."

"San don't," Rachel grabbed Santana's arm pulling her back towards her. Santana shrugged her off, and starting marching towards the door.

"Santana!" yelled Rachel, "please I can't lose you too."

"You're not going to lose me too," replied Santana.

"I will if you go out there find and hurt Dave, we will lose this family. Revenge won't help anyone San. You angry and violent won't help anything."

Santana turned back to the smaller girl, "ok I won't go running off, if you tell me everything..."

By the end of the conversation Santana felt sick, the thought of Dave touching Rachel like that made her want to vomit. "Are you disgusted with me San?"

"No Rach I'm not, I'm disgusted with myself for letting you down. I promise you Rachel no-one will hurt you again."

"You can't promise that San," replied Rachel sadly, "you can't protect me from the world."

"Doesn't mean I won't try," replied Santana with a shy smile.

"And that's why I love you, my over protective bodyguard. Do you remember my first date with Finn? You were freaking out more than my dad's."

"He was a footballer Rachel, and I had dated Puck. I knew that dance."

"I'm not as naive as you think San."

"I know Rach but I remember what I was doing when I was 15." She replied with a grimace.

"You worry too much San, remember I'm not you."

"You're still a cheeky bugger!" joked Santana. "How about we go find Quinn, and go out for a meal? My treat?"

"Ok," replied Rachel, "what about Brittany?"

"Brittany and I are on a break, Rach,"

"What? Why? Is it because of me?" asked Rachel innocently.

"No it's because of me," replied Santana earnestly. "It's not for you to worry about." Santana's reply leaving no room for compromise.

Santana linked arms with Rachel, and headed out the door, "San?"

"Yeah what?"

"I'm in love with Quinn."

"God took you long enough," was Santana's only reply. While Rachel looked put out that she hadn't scandalised her older sister.

...

They were sat at breadsticks, Santana was arguing over the all you can eat breadsticks. Rachel was trying to hide her embarrassment at the situation, while Quinn was just laughing. The waitress walked away huffing, Santana turned to the two other girls, "what? Gotta have my breadsticks." The two girls couldn't resist laughing at that, glad to see some of the old Santana back. Santana picked her phone up, seeing the reply she got to the message she sent, "consider it sorted." She smiled to herself. She promised Rachel she wouldn't do anything, and she wasn't going to lay a finger on him.

...

Jesse St James was sat opposite the new directions glee club, "so how are we doing this?"

"I was thinking we kick the living shit out of him," replied Puck angrily.

"Well obviously, but I don't want to get arrested, or implicate the girls," stated Jesse. The other glee club members nodded in agreement. Kurt started clapping his hands together excitedly, "I could design some outfits, balaclavas, chic but practical."

Jesse lowered his eyes at him, "I'm gay, but dude you're super gay."

Kurt just scowled at him, "and lucky for me, you're not my type."

"Ouch Hummel, ouch," joked Jesse.

"Ok enough of the flirting," cut in Finn. "Tomorrow at 10?"

"Sounds like a plan," replied Puck, "I'm going to look forward to tearing Karofsky a new one."

"As much as I abhor violence I believe in this instance is it totally justified," agreed Kurt.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Happy New Year! Sorry small update again... Another transitional one. Hope you like. Thanks for all the uplifting reviews!

Shelby was stood in front of them, handing out the scripts. "I want everyone to know the entire musical inside and out. I want everyone to know every song, every movement. You are going to live, breathe, and eat spring awakening." Shelby revelled in the power she held over the room. "Ok that's it for today." The only noise after she finished was the scuffling of chairs and the movement of bags being packed. "Rachel can I have a quick word."

Rachel waited behind, until the others had filtered out. "Rachel, I want to offer you private singing lessons. Your voice is incredible, and I think under my tutelage. It won't be a case of if but when you win a tony."

"That would be incredible, but I doubt I could afford you."

"Oh... please free of charge, it would be an honour to nurture your talent."

Rachel squealed in excitement, "thank you, thank you." Shelby enjoyed the feeling of her daughter in her arms. "You're welcome sweetie."

"When do we start?"

"How about tomorrow? You can come to my house."

"That shouldn't be a problem, though I'll have to clear it with Santana."

"Whose Santana?" asked Shelby feigning ignorance.

"She's my guardian," replied Rachel.

"Oh no parents?"

"My dad's died in a car accident 6 months ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Shelby, rubbing Rachel's arms in an attempt to comfort her. "Wait did you say two dads?"

"Yeah they used a surrogate,"

"Is that who Santana is then?"

"No Santana was adopted by my dad's when I was 12,"

"Are you not curious about your mom?"

"Yeah I'm curious, but my dads always warned me off, they wouldn't do that for no good reason." Stated Rachel.

"Maybe they were just scared of losing you, if you were my daughter I wouldn't want to let you go for anything."

Rachel gave Shelby a shy smile when she said that, "thank you."

"Ok I'll see you tomorrow," Shelby fished into her purse pulling out her card, "here's my number, you can ring me whenever you want, about anything."

Rachel looked at her in awe, "why are you being so nice to me?"

"You remind me of a young me, I'd take that as a compliment," she finished with a wink, leaving the awe-struck girls to her thoughts.

...

Rachel walked through the front door, "hey guys, I'm home." She walked into the living room, the silence of the house made her feel very alone, so she switched the news on.

"A local student has been hospitalised today after being jumped outside the McKinley high school, so far the police have no leads on possible suspects..." Rachel's eyes widened when a picture of Dave Karofsky popped up on the screen. They then changed from shock to anger. She heard the front door open and Santana's voice carry through the house. Rachel stormed out into the hallway, and shoved Santana against the door, that she had just entered through.

"What the hell Rach?"

"You promised me! You promised me you wouldn't do anything to Dave."

"Ok calm down Rachel, you never push me! Do that again and you will regret it," Santana replied sternly. "Let's sit down and be adult about this."

Rachel huffed but sat down in the living room, and crossed her arms. Santana raised her eyebrow at the small brunette. "Lose the attitude Rachel; no explain to me what's this all about?"

"Dave Karofsky is in hospital!"

"Good," replied Santana sharply.

"Good?" asked Rachel incredulously. "You promised me Santana!"

"I did promise you, and **I **didn't lay a finger on him, can't say the same for anyone else." Finished Santana.

"You told other people, about me and him?"

"Yes I did Rachel, you're my baby sister. I will do anything to protect you." explained Santana. Rachel relaxed at her words. "Rachel if you ever have an issue with me, you need to be adult about it, and talk to me about it, not attack me."

"What like you did with Finn?" replied Rachel snidely. Santana's face hardened at that. "Do as I say not as I do."

"You're such a hypocrite Santana, that's not fair."

"Life's not fair Rachel you know that," said Santana simply.

"You need to stop holding me to a higher standard than yourself Santana,"

"I will never stop trying to make you a better person Rachel, deal with it. And I was serious; you ever push me again..." Santana decided to leave her threat unfinished, knowing it was more effective this way. Rachel just shrugged at her," by the way I have a singing lesson tomorrow."

"With who?" asked Santana.

"The director of Spring Awakening,"

"And what he is just giving you a private lesson," Santana questioned dubiously.

"Yes she is, she thinks I'm talented."

"I want to meet her," replied Santana instantly.

"Are you really going to this Santana?"

"Fine," replied Santana holding her hands up in mock defeat, "but I will be dropping you off whether you are meeting."

Rachel rolled her eyes at the compromise, but non-verbally agreed to it. "Aren't you meeting Brittany tonight for your date?"

"Yes, "smiled Santana, "I'm taking her to breadsticks."

"I hope you get back together," said Rachel honestly.

"Me too baby girl, I'm just glad she agreed to go on a date."

"Who wouldn't want to date you? You're Santana!"

"Thanks Rachel, now who do you and Quinn want around tonight? Will? Jesse? Finn?"

"Santana we don't need a babysitter," said Rachel bitterly.

"I know you don't but I would feel happier with someone else here."

"You don't have anything to worry about; you already put Dave in the hospital."

"Rachel stop it, pick someone or I will pick someone?"

"I'm not a child!" was the only reply Rachel offered.

"Can't you do it for me and Brittany?"

"Fine," huffed Rachel, "I'll be in my room practicing my music."

Santana watched Rachel storm up the stairs, she sighed to herself, "drama queen."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18.

128 people have this story on alert... absolutely amazing! Thank you for all the lovely reviews. Sorry if this chapter is a bit wooden, but again it's a transitional chapter. Shit is about to hit the fan as they say! Hope you enjoy.

Santana and Brittany were sat awkwardly at breadsticks. Santana was pushing the food around her plate trying to think of words to break the silence.

"Rachel and Quinn miss you,"

"I miss them too," replied Brittany.

"Come home babe please." Stated Santana, dropping her fork onto the plate with a clatter.

"You make it sound so easy,"

"It is easy Brit, I love you, you love me. What's the issue?" asked Santana, desperation showing in her eyes. Brittany reached over and grabbed Santana's hand holding it on the table.

"I need to be me San; I'll come and see Rachel and Quinn tomorrow. I just want to take things with us slower. We moved to fast Santana, we were living together with an instant family. I'm not a grown up Santana."

Santana reached her hand back from Brittany's, "I can't believe you're doing this to me now, I gave up everything for you. I lost my family for you. I turned my back on my mom and dad."

"I didn't ask you to do that Santana, don't try and guilt me."

Santana had the grace to look ashamed, "I'm sorry Brit, and I just miss you."

"I miss you too babe, but I honestly think I'm doing the right thing." Santana just nodded at the girl, and they both settled back into the uneasy silence, and the scraping of cutlery on plates.

...

"What time is our baby sitter getting here?" asked Quinn disdainfully.

Rachel smirked at her, "Jesse was supposed to be here half an hour ago." Quinn looked at the smirking girl, "oh my god Rachel, you're so devious."

Rachel threw a pillow at Quinn, "so I may have played them all off each other."

"Santana is going to kill you, when she finds out,"

"Who said she is going to find out?" Quinn smiled and wrapped her arm around the smaller girl, "you are brilliant sometimes Rachel."

Rachel relaxed into Quinn's embrace, and started to stroke Quinn's arms with her fingers.

"Quinn?"

"Yeah Rach?"

"I'm sorry about the other night," Quinn stiffened at that; Rachel continued her ministrations on Quinn's arm until she relaxed again.

"It's ok Rach," Rachel sighed; she could hear the hurt in Quinn's voice.

"I want to make it up to you," said Rachel quietly. Before Quinn could answer, Rachel leant up and kissed Quinn softly. Her free hand caressed Quinn's cheek. Rachel pulled away from the shocked Quinn, when Quinn didn't say anything, Rachel shot up, "I'm sorry, so sorry, I got it completely wrong." Rachel went to storm out of the room, but was stopped by an arm grabbing her. She turned around to find Quinn's face inches away from hers. Quinn shorted the distance between them and captured Rachel's lips with her own in a slow and tender kiss. Quinn rested her arms on Rachel's hips, while Rachel brought her ups to around the back of Quinn's neck. Rachel pulled away from the kiss; Quinn just smiled at the smaller brunette. "Hey," she whispered. "Hey," whispered back Rachel with a similar smile.

"What does this mean?" asked Rachel.

"Shh," whispered back Quinn, "let's not worry about that now, let's just enjoy the moment." Rachel grinned at that, and recaptured the lips in front of her in a chaste kiss.

...

Santana returned grimly, "hey I'm home!" she yelled through the house setting her purse and keys on the table. She smiled when she saw Quinn and Rachel curled up on the sofa together fast asleep. She went to the sofa and softly shook Rachel awake, "hey sleepy head. Where's Jesse?"

"He just left," she lied, "sorry we couldn't be bothered to go up to our room." Santana reached under the sofa and pulled out a blanket and draped it over the two girls, "ok baby girl, but in the future can you tell Jesse I would rather he waited till I got home to leave."

"Will do," replied Rachel half asleep, "how did you date go with Brittany?"

Santana sighed, "I'll tell you about it in the morning."

"Ok," yawned Rachel, who snuggled closer into Quinn, who instinctively even when asleep gripped the brunette tighter. Santana smiled to herself at the sight wishing she had a camera, so the cheerio's could see the HBIC of McKinley high school looking so sweet.

...

"Rachel! You're going to be late! Get a move on!"

Quinn smirked at the brunette, "here that you're going to be late," she interspersed each word with a light kiss.

"I know," replied Rachel, "and it's all your fault. I'm always so punctual, and now you're messing with my routine and schedule."

"That's a good thing baby," said Quinn with a chuckle.

"I better run," said Rachel, "before Santana has an aneurysm." She planted one more kiss on the Blonde's lips before hightailing it out of the room. Santana was waiting impatiently by the stairs. They both headed out to the car, as Santana reversed out of the driveway, "So..."

"So what..." answered Rachel.

"When did you and Quinn get together?"

"What?"

"Oh come on Rach it's obvious, you're loving the sweet lady kisses, as Brittany would put it."

Rachel went red at that, "Santana can we not do this..."

"Oh come Rachel don't be shy... you rounded second base yet?"

"Santana that is an entirely inappropriate comment!"

Santana just broke out in laughter at Rachel's aggrieved expression. "Come on Rach it's my job to tease, mock, ridicule."

"You're so good at it," commented Rachel dryly.

"So come on is she a good kisser?"

"She's amazing," replied Rachel, "you know those kisses that make your heart stop."

Santana smiled at the girl sat next to her, glad to see her finally showing some true happiness. "Do I need to give her the berry 3rd degree?"

"NOOOOO! Santana,"

"I was kidding Rachel, come on its Quinn, she'll be more of a prude than you."

Rachel just grumbled at that, Santana pulled the car over outside of a house in the middle of suburbia. Rachel got out of the car and wandered around to Santana's door; she leaned through the window and planted a kiss of the Latina's cheek. "I'll see you at two..."

"Two," confirmed Santana. Rachel walked down the pathway and knocked on the door, "what's the name of this amazing vocal teacher anyway?"

"Shelby Corcoran." Replied Rachel. Santana's jaw dropped but before she could say another word, Rachel disappeared into the house. Leaving a shocked and very confused Latina, sat in her car. "What the fuck..."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Santana slapped the steering wheel with her hands, "what the fuck..." she mumbled to herself. She shifted the car into drive and drove off. "Jesse is a dead man," she whispered to herself. She pulled into her driveway, texting on the way to the door, 'Jesse get your ass to my house now.'

She received a text back almost instantly, 'what's crawled up your ass?'

'Jesse get here now!'

'Fine, chill out, there in 10.' Santana sighed and pushed her key into the lock, and pushed the door open harder than was really necessary. She slammed it behind her, and went into the kitchen. She filled the kettle with water and waited for it to boil, while trying to collect her thoughts. The whistling noise disrupted her from her thoughts. She pulled out a cup, and collected the green tea from the cupboard. Santana poured the hot water into the cup and breathed in the aroma that filled the room. She sat at the kitchen bar inhaling the scent and sipping the relaxing beverage. She reached into her purse and pulled out her Marlboro light's. Santana pulled out a solitary cigarette and lit it on the stove. She took a deep breath as the comforting smoke filled her lungs; she exhaled loudly letting the cigarette relax her nerves.

The sound of Jesse coming through the back door disrupted Santana from her thoughts.

"What's the 911...you smoke?"

"No I'm breathing creatively...idiot. Yes I smoke."

"Alright calm down Santana. What's up with you? Pms?"

Santana face hardened at him, "I have two words for you; Shelby Corcoran."

Jesse paled considerably at that. "How dare you Jesse? You took Rachel to her mother! After everything that happened?"

"Look I was trying to help you."

"Help me! How is that helping me or Rachel? You know she's not allowed to have contact until Rachel is 18. Give me one reason why I shouldn't pull Rachel from this workshop?"

"Because she would want to know why?"

Santana looked at him with pure hatred, "I can't believe you! You're such a manipulative bastard. Rachel can't handle this right now, you know it."

"Rachel deserves to know her mother..."

"Are you forgetting what she did? Why she's not supposed to have contact?"

"The berries are dead Santana! Why are you looking after a 15 year old, when her mother is willing to look after her."

Santana stood up and slapped Jesse around the face. "She's not her mother; she's just a biological link. She's not family. How can you forget what she put the berries through?"

"She's changed Santana, she wants to help."

"I don't give a shit Jesse; I want her out of Rachel's life. As soon as this workshop is over I want you and that woman out of our lives for good. You're unreliable; you're supposed to have Rachel's back, not stabbing a knife in it. You were supposed to stay the whole night last night and you left early probably to curl your hair." Santana ranted at him.

"Ok first off, I care about Rachel a lot! Don't you dare doubt that! I won't walk away again. I'm here to stay so live with it Santana. What the fuck are you talking about by the way? I wasn't here last night."

"What do you mean you weren't here last night...Rachel said..." Santana frowned to herself.

"Maybe you're not as in control as you think you are." Santana baulked at his comment.

"Shut up homo-explosion, and get the hell out of my house. You are not welcome here anymore!"

"What are you going to tell Rachel then to explain that one?"

"I won't have to St James, you can pick her up for your workshop, but you are not setting foot in this house again. Now get out before I throw you out!"

Jesse just smirked at her, "fine, but you need to grow up and realise I'm trying to help you." he stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

Santana stubbed her cigarette out on the side angrily, before throwing the butt angrily into the trash. Santana was tired of all this, all the arguments, and all the fights. Quinn picked the most inopportune moment to walk through the door, sweaty from her run. She pulled her earphones out of her ear and placed her iPod on the side.

"What's up Santana?"

Santana saw red at her aloof comment, "so you had fun with Jesse last night?" she asked with clenched teeth, though Quinn seemed oblivious.

"Yeah was ok," she replied in a non-chalant way, "the usual song and dance show."

Santana gripped the table tightly her knuckles turning white; Quinn was oblivious to the growing rage that the Latina was showing.

"Quinn can you do me a favour?"

"Yeah course." She replied instantly.

"Can you go pick up Rachel from her singing lesson in half an hour, address is on the fridge."

"Sure I'll go have a quick shower," Quinn said still naively oblivious to the other girl's anger.

Santana picked her phone up and dialled a familiar number, "can you come over please I need you?"

...

Rachel was talking excitedly to Quinn as they walked through the door, "it was amazing Quinn we dueted on defying gravity. She is amazing..."

"God Rachel can you please stop gushing... only so much I can take," she teased in good fun. Rachel giggled and drew the blonde girl into her body. Who in turn wrapped her arm around the smaller girl? They walked through the hallway into the living room.

"Brittany," smiled Rachel. She went to hug the girl but was stopped by the stern expression on her face.

Brittany crossed her arms over her chest, "what's wrong?" asked Quinn, who changed her tone when she saw an eyebrow raise at her, "what did we do?"

Santana coughed drawing the girl's attention away from Brittany. "What's the one main rule in this house?" questioned Santana.

"Um...if you borrow a tampon replace it?" replied Rachel with a smirk. Though Santana and Brittany's reaction wiped the smirk of her face.

"No come on seriously, what is it?" asked Brittany with an edge to her voice.

Rachel sighed, "no lying, but I don't get what this is all about."

"Oh so you do know," replied Santana looking in mock surprise at Brittany who shared her fake expression. Quinn was starting to fidget under the scrutiny. "What could they have possibly lied about?" asked Brittany.

Santana last her smile in that instant and instead adopted a look that would have melted ice. "Jesse?" that one word utterance was enough to make the two younger girls gasp loudly. Rachel looked up to Santana, "there's a moment you know you're fucked, not an inch more room to self-destruct," she sang.

"Very droll Rachel, from your workshop?"

Rachel nodded, "cute, but not going to save you...Rachel go to my room. Quinn go to your room. We'll be up in a minute."

Rachel left the room, but Quinn stood her ground, "I'm not a child. You can't send me to my room!"

"If you act like a child, I will treat you like a child."

Quinn huffed but strutted up the stairs.

A/n... Can you tell I smoke? And enjoy it immensely?


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Hey guys you're either gonna hate this or love this! Please review... i'll try and do another update before i go to new York... then no updates for a week! Sorry! Anyway please review!

"Thank you Brittany..." whispered Santana.

"You don't have to thank me San, look I'll deal with Quinn. You deal with Rach." Santana nodded at the blonde and headed up the stairs. Brittany knocked on Quinn's door and entered before hearing an answer. Quinn was sat on her bed cross legged, "you could have waited for me to answer?"

Brittany just glared at her, "Quinn you need to get over this rebellious streak you seem to have developed overnight. It's really not helpful."

Quinn just glared back, "maybe if you and Santana backed off a little, I wouldn't have to be 'rebellious.'" She finished by using air quotes.

"If Santana had her way you would be over her knee right now, which is where Rachel will be in about 5 minutes."

Quinn paled at that, and jumped up off the bed, and started heading towards the door, only to find her route blocked by Brittany. "Get out of the fucking way Brit."

"No Quinn."

"Can't you go back to your pretending to be stupid thing?"

Brittany narrowed her eyes at that, "Quinn sit down." Quinn shot her a look but then obeyed. "Do you remember what the berries said when you first moved in?"

"I know the whole lying thing," she remarked snidely.

"Quinn, I'm trying to have an adult conversation with you, trying to let you prove that you're not a child..."

"Bite me Brittany, adult conversation this coming from the girl, who said and I quote, 'dolphins are just gay sharks.'" Brittany frowned at her, "you are seriously pushing me right now Quinn, and I'm so close to adopting Santana's approach."

"Do it, go on beat me,"

Brittany softened her gaze when she heard that, "oh Quinn, I would never beat you, and there is a big difference between the two things. Where has that come from?"

Quinn stiffened at the change in the line of questioning, "Just leave it," replied Quinn quickly.

"No I won't Quinn, come on what's going on in your head? For once be honest with yourself."

Quinn shook her head, "there is nothing to be honest about. It doesn't matter if you lie or not you still get beaten."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Brittany curiously.

"Well it's true, if you 'think' we've lied you'll punish us, truth is different."

"Well Quinn did you and Rachel lie?"

Quinn looked abashed, "on this occasion..."

"So on what occasion have you been wrongly punished by us?" asked Brittany.

"Well you haven't," replied Quinn. Brittany caught on, "so who has then Quinn?"

Quinn clammed up at that, "No-one."

"Then who are you talking about? Or are you just trying to talk your way out of punishment." Quinn just flounced back onto her bed at that.

"Bite me Brittany." Brittany looked at the expression on Quinn's face and knew she was close to cracking, she could see the stress all over her face.

"Take the wall down Quinn, let us in."

Quinn took a deep breath, "maybe something happened...maybe I was punished for telling the truth, because he thought it was lie." She spat out bitterly. Brittany just nodded and sat on the bed next to her, Quinn leant her head against her shoulder, as Brittany rubbed her shoulder in comfort. "When you're a kid you think your parents are perfect you know? They are practically god to you. They know everything and they are your everything. In one moment that was shattered."

"What did your dad wrongly punish for you?" asked Brittany taking an assumptive leap.

"I'm not ready to talk about it yet," stated Quinn.

"Ok Quinn, I won't push you." Brittany continued to rub circles on Quinn's back.

Brittany's tone turned serious, "Quinn do you trust me?"

"Of course," replied Quinn. "You take care of us, we love each other."

"So you know I would never do that to you right? When have I ever not talked about something first? Santana's the one who acts then thinks about it."

Quinn looked at her trying to work out what point Brittany was trying to make, Quinn's eyes widened in realisation, "you want to punish me?"

"Yes," replied Brittany, "Rachel is getting punished, it only seems fair you get the same. It's so important we don't lie to each other Quinn. We are a family, there are so many people looking to take advantage of our fragile situation. Look at Karofsky if Rachel had been truthful from the beginning that wouldn't have escalated as it did."

"Are we still a family brit, you're not even with Santana anymore."

"Doesn't mean we are not a family Quinn and you know it!"

Quinn just nodded and they both sat in silence, neither knowing how to break the moment. Quinn dry swallowed, "how would you punish me?"

"A spanking," replied Brittany instantly. Silence once again overtook the room; it was so silent they could both hear the ticking of the clock on the wall.

"Don't you think I'm a bit old for that," said Quinn. Brittany shook her head, "Quinn you had to grow up so fast, and you were never truly a child, kicked out by your parents who are in a loveless marriage. I had an amazing childhood with loving parents, everyone should have that."

"I don't want your pity,"

"It's not pity Quinn, it's a second chance. Soon you'll be graduating high school and forced out into the big wide world. Enjoy these moments Quinn; let me and Santana take care of you."

Quinn couldn't stop the tears streaming down her face at Brittany's words. She lifted her hand up to try and stem the tears. Brittany lifted her arm up and used her sleeve to wipe away Quinn's tears. Quinn couldn't help smiling at the action of almost parental devotion.

"I don't deserve you Brit."

"Yeah you do Quinn," she replied.

"Also, when did you get so good with words?"

"Well I was bound to pick up something hanging around with Rachel so much!"

Quinn giggled at that. Brittany smiled happy to see Quinn laughing. It broke the awkward tension in the room. Quinn sobered up, "how are you going to do this?"

"Well I can do it or Santana, who would you prefer?"

Quinn looked down shyly, "you," she mumbled.

"Ok Quinn," Brittany gripped Quinn's arm and pulled her gently to her feet and with her free hand patted her lap encouragingly. Quinn lowered herself awkwardly down. Quinn was in shock with how quickly Brittany acted, in what felt like a split second her skirt was flipped up, and a hand came racing down.

...

Santana knocked on Quinn's door tentatively, she heard Brittany voice a "come in." Santana opened the door and eased herself into the room. She was surprised to see Quinn asleep sat in Brittany's lap her head resting against her shoulder, her hand twirled up in Brittany's shirt. Brittany used her strength she gained from her years of dancing and cheerio's to lift the girl up and then lower her onto the bed. She carefully released Quinn's hand from her shirt, stroked her hair once last time then left the room with Santana.

They both headed downstairs linking pinkies; they both went and dropped onto the sofa together, enjoying the contact with each other.

"How did it go with Rachel?" asked Brittany. Santana gave the blonde a smirk, "well-punished little girl,"

"Santana!" yelled Brittany in amusement, "you're terrible!"

Santana just shrugged at her jokily, "well she deserved it, little manipulator!"

"Yeah who do you think she learnt that off? Leroy always said you teaching her your tricks would come back to bite you in the ass!"

"Actually it came back and got her in the ass,"

"Very funny San."

Santana then turned more serious, "how did it go with Quinn?" Brittany stared off at the wall sighing deeply,

"it went better than I thought it would, she's still hiding something though, I think she's going to be a puzzle, she'll never tell us the whole story it's up to us to put the pieces together."

Santana then suddenly grunted, Brittany turned her head in surprise, to see what had caused the grunt. Rachel had jumped over the sofa and landed knee first in Santana's lap.

"Oi Dwarf get off!" Rachel just giggled at the older girl, but jumped off her. Santana started rubbing her legs gingerly, "you're getting too big to be doing that to me! It was fine when you were 12,"

"It can't be? The almighty Santana showing weakness,"

Santana rolled her eyes. Brittany just laughed at the amateur theatrics on display. Rachel launched herself at Brittany, who grabbed the girl into a crushing hug. Santana smiled at the pair, she loved it when Rachel acted childish it was a nice change from the self-assured attitude she always tried to portray. Rachel was driven and determined, but she still retained that childlike innocence that made her so endearing.

"Can we watch a film?" asked Rachel.

"Sounds good to me," said Brittany.

"No funny girl," cut in Santana, Rachel scowled in response.

"Please baby girl I need a break from musical theatre,"

"Fine," replied Rachel, "this is what I get for trying to culturally enrich our lives." Both older girls rolled their eyes, but Rachel got up and started to fish through the DVD collection. Quinn was slowly making her way down the stairs. Brittany glanced up and saw the contrite girl, who obviously didn't have the bounce back that Rachel had who was used to such punishments. Once it was done it was done. "Hey Quinn we are about to watch a film? You joining us?"

Quinn just nodded not saying a word clearly embarrassing by the earlier events. She went and sat on the sofa on the other side of the room. Rachel popped a DVD in the player, and returned back to the sofa. Santana pulled the girl into her lap, winking at Brittany. Brittany nodded in understanding, "hey Quinn, you're not going to leave me on my own are you?"

Quinn looked up at her and seemed to hesitate for a moment before standing up. Brittany looked in surprise at Quinn when she stood up noticing the little toy stuffed lamb hanging by her side. Quinn went to sit next to Brittany, but Brittany was too fast and pulled the girl into her lap. The opening titles began to run, and the girls sat back to enjoy the film


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Hey I'm back from NYC. So here's an update for you people. If you like my story I really think you'll like Beaner008's story; changes in the tides courage in the wings. .net/s/6630968/1/Changes_In_the_Tides_Courage_in_the_Wings.

Anyway hope you like the chapter:

Brittany's hand crept over the sofa and linked with Santana's. They both shared a smile, as the end credits scrolled down the screen. Santana looked down smirking at Rachel who was fast asleep, then down at Quinn who was cuddling the soft toy looking the picture of innocence, so different to the usual cold stare she adopted. Brittany sighed to herself but retracted her hand from Santana's. "I better go." She manoeuvred Quinn off her lap and onto the sofa.

Santana glanced at the clock on the wall, seeing that it was only 6'o clock. "Actually Brit any chance of a favour. I need to go out for an hour can you stay with these two."

"Yeah course," replied Brittany the awkwardness from a minute ago gone. Santana pushed Rachel off her gently. She smirked at the two sleeping girls, "I'm beginning to think they need an earlier bedtime."

"Do you want me to do dinner?"

Santana shook her head, "I'll pick up some take-away on the way home." Santana leant in and kissed Brittany's cheek. "Thanks Brit."

Santana grabbed her coat and headed out of the door.

...

Santana walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A stunned Shelby answered the door, "Santana?"

"We need to talk Shelby..."

...

Rachel woke up to Quinn's arms around her. She looked around in sleepy confusion. Brittany smirked when she walked into the room, "I was just about to wake you two sleeping beauties up."

"What time is it?"

"Half 6," answered Brittany.

"Where's Santana?"

"She's popped out for an hour. She's bringing takeaway back, can you wake Quinn up please babe?"

Rachel nodded and started to place gentle kisses over Quinn's face. Quinn woke up when Rachel connected with her lips. They kissed for a few seconds before Quinn pulled away, "I want to be woke up like this all the time," said Quinn with a smile. Brittany just smiled at the sweetness between the couple, "can you guys tidy this living room up please?"

"Yeah yeah yeah," joked Quinn, "I think you're enjoying this parental kick too much."

Rachel looked at the pair in shock, "Wait... Brittany" before Rachel could continue the statement Quinn had covered her mouth with her hand. Rachel giggled into Quinn's hand, but then pulled it away, and carried on talking while Quinn attempted to continue to silence her.

"Wait till the rest of the glee club finds that out, Quinn head cheerio, bitch of McKinley high, and got punished like a little girl... no wait... When the other cheerio's find out there captain..." Rachel had failed to notice the change from banter to seriousness, not noticing the now mortified expression on Quinn's face. Brittany grabbed Rachel out of Quinn's grip.

"How would they know Rachel? It's private nothing to do with anyone else." Brittany's tone changed to almost dangerous, "and if they do somehow find out we would know it would be you that told. Correct?"

"Yes that would seem correct,"

"Good so if anyone else finds out, I will spank you on the football field during the half time of a game,"

"You what?" Rachel paled but Quinn smirked in happiness, as Brittany winked at her.

"If you publicise any of Quinn's punishments, I'll publicise yours. Got it?"

"Crystal," replied Rachel quickly, "as if I would anyway Quinn, I'm not going to embarrass my girlfriend now am I."

Quinn smiled at that feeling slightly relieved by the change in events. Their comfortable silence was broken by a screaming Santana. "RACHEL BARBRA BERRY!"

The three girls turned in shock to the screaming Latina. "NEW YORK? BERRY?"

"Santana calm down,"

The girl looked into the blonde's eyes and started to calm down. "Ok," continued Brittany, "what's going on?"

"I ran into Rachel's vocal coach down the shop," she lied. "Somebody thinks she's going to New York next month, I was amazed to find out I had signed a permission slip for the transfer of the show to New York off-Broadway."

Rachel paled at that, "I was going to tell you."

"It's not about telling Rachel it's about getting permission." Brittany cut in, placing a calming hand on Santana's shoulder.

"It's not happening Rachel, you're too young."

"You would stand in the way of my dreams!"

"No Rachel, this is about protecting you, we can't follow you, and I'm not letting you to go New York on your own."

"I wouldn't be on my own I would be with Shelby and Jesse."

Santana's expression hardened, "the answer is no,"

"All my work for nothing!"

"Not for nothing, you've gained experience, and you can still perform this musical in Ohio, and perhaps a few tour dates if they are near here."

Rachel refused to accept the compromise, "I hate you."

Santana looked broken at those words; Brittany saw Santana's eyes, so stepped in. Brittany grabbed Rachel's arm and dragged her up the stairs. She pulled the younger girl into her room.

"Well Rachel you've just proved you're too young to go to New York with that little outburst. How could you say you hate Santana?"

"I do!" replied Rachel childishly. Brittany just shrugged her shoulders, "I think you should go to bed right now."

"What? It's like 7,"

"Well you're acting like a child, so we will treat you like one." Brittany opened a drawer and pulled out Pj's for Rachel. "Arms up," Rachel crossed her arms petulantly.

"The rules are still in place Rach,"

"I haven't cut in ages!"

"It doesn't matter, there the rules until we say otherwise." Rachel just grunted, but let Brittany check her legs and arms for new cuts. Rachel put the fresh pj's on and crawled into the bed when Brittany pulled the sheets back.

"What about dinner?"

"You can have dinner."

"I can?"

"Yes when you apologise to Santana."

Rachel huffed and crossed her arms. "You are ridiculous!"

Brittany just narrowed her eyes at the brunette, and without saying another word left the room. Santana was sat on the couch staring off into space. Quinn was watching her with worry, shaking her shoulder lightly, and "san? Are you ok?" Brittany approached the pair, "Quinn, Santana and I are going to go out for a while, can we trust you to be home alone?"

Quinn rolled her eyes playfully, "yes you can trust the 16 year old to be home alone."

"Rachel is not allowed out of her room, and you're not allowed in it."

"Fine," Quinn replied holding her hands up in mock defeat. She leaned in and kissed Brittany's cheek. Quinn then leaned down and kissed Santana's forehead. "She didn't mean it San. She loves you."

...

Brittany and Santana were sat on the bench in the park watching the sunset; Santana's hand was gripping Brittany's tightly.

"Shelby was right."

Brittany turned to Santana curiously; those were the first words Santana had spoken since Rachel told her she hated her.

"What was Shelby right about?"

"I can't raise Rachel, I'm not her parent. I should let Shelby take her."

"You don't mean that San."

"I'm 18 Brit, what are we doing? We don't have a clue what we are doing. Spanking 15 year olds? We baby them. There teenagers not children. We don't know how to parent teenagers. We are teenagers."

"We could read some books?" said Brittany lamely.

Santana ran her hand through her hair. "Why is this so hard?"

Brittany gave a weak smile, "anything worth doing is hard, and what does Shelby know about parenting? She gave birth, but she has never been a mother. Does she know Rachel's favourite colour? Favourite food?"

"I yelled all that at her. I asked her if she knew that Rachel still sucks her thumb when she's upset, or if she knew that Rachel insists on sticking gold stars everywhere. She said none of that stuff mattered. That's stuff she could learn."

"Bullshit San, giving birth to someone doesn't make you a parent, it's make you a biological mother nothing more."

San nodded weakly, so Brittany continued, "don't let Shelby manipulate you, remember who she is. What she has done?"

"You're right," stated Santana, "it's time for Queen Bitch to come out, and I'll show Shelby."

Brittany nodded.

"But she was right about something's; I need to stop babying Rachel. She's acts younger than 15 and I pander to it."

"She's just reacting to the loss of her dad's san, she just wants to feel safe, and you're never safer than when you're a child."

Santana nodded, "I think we need to have a sit down discussion between all four of us, set boundaries, set rules. I want to be more of a sister to Rachel. I want to define the two roles. I've become Santana the parent. What about Santana the cheerio? Santana the glee club member? Santana who is in love with Brittany..."

Brittany turned at that, "I understand now Brittany what you meant, about being yourself."

Brittany leaned over and captured the Latina in a kiss.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Sorry for the late update, been struggling for inspiration. It's also a bit short, but prepare for more drama next chapter.

Santana sat at the dining room table, a pad of paper and a pen in front of her. She sighed heavily hitting the pen against the paper. She glanced up at the clock, rolled her eyes and starting tapping her foot impatiently. Rachel entered the room, pulled the chair back harshly and flopped into it, crossing her arms petulantly. Santana glared at the smaller girl, "enough off the attitude Rachel."

"Well if you weren't suffocating my talent..."

"Enough Rachel!" barked Santana at the smaller girl. There tense stand-off was interrupted by Quinn and Brittany entering the room. Quinn grabbed the chair next to Rachel, while Brittany went and sat with Santana.

"What's this about then?" asked Quinn curiously. Santana cleared her throat, "Brit and I were talking, and we both think we need some balance in this house. Grief is no longer an excuse we need to have some sense of normalcy."

"I don't get what we are talking about..." stated Quinn.

Santana looked at the younger girls in front of her, "I think we are being too strict, I've been so scared about losing custody that I've been too overbearing."

Rachel perked up at this, "are you going to let me go to New York?"

"No Rachel you are definitely too young for that." The smile instantly died on her face, and she huffed slouching back further into her chair.

"Act your age Rachel."

"Well apparently I am a kid if I'm too young to go to a city."

"Rachel Barbra Berry, stop it now and listen to your sister," cut in Brittany. Rachel shut her mouth and just continued to sulk.

"Rachel I just want to be your big sister again but I have to balance that with being your guardian. I know you think I'm out to get you right now but I'm not Rachel I'm trying my best."

Rachel just shrugged in response, Quinn interrupted this time, "Rachel just let Santana speak." Rachel looked shocked at being admonished by Quinn, and felt thoroughly chastised.

"As I was saying," continued Santana, "I'm going to try and relax a bit, but that will only happen if you stop fighting me guys."

"Okay," said Quinn, "we get more freedom as long as we don't abuse it?"

"Yes," replied Santana. "I know it's awkward with me being your guardian, but I was your friend first. I hate how strained things are between us Q."

Quinn grabbed the Latina's hand across the table, "I'm sorry Santana, I have been a bit of a bitch to you recently. This is just a weird scenario." Santana gripped Quinn's hand back, and the two girls smiled at each other.

"Are we done? I've had enough of the love fest," interrupted Rachel.

"Rachel what has gotten into you?" shouted Brittany standing up. "You're behaving like a 5 year old!"

"You're keeping me from my dream!" yelled Rachel back.

"I'm keeping you alive!" screamed Santana, "you're my kid sister Rachel, New York would eat you alive, you're not ready. Accept the fact that I know best right now."

"NO you don't, my dad's would have let me go!"

"That's where you're wrong. They would never have let you go to New York on your own at 15."

Rachel just sneered at her, "whatever San."

"This argument stops now!" cut in Brittany, "no amount of whining, bitching, pouting or moaning is going to work Rachel? They only thing that will do is get you in more trouble."

Rachel slumped further into her chair as silent tears ran down her face. Santana sighed at the girl in front of her. "Brittany, Quinn can you leave us alone for a few minutes." The two other girls nodded, and walked out the room. Santana stood up and sat in Quinn's vacated chair. She pulled Rachel up and sat her on her lap and started rocking slightly while wiping Rachel's tears with her hand.

"I get it Rach, I really do. I know your shared your dream of Broadway with your dads, and I promise you I will support you 100%. But you are more important than your dream. Your safety will always come first. Ok?"

"Ok," Rachel whimpered burying her head in the older girl's shoulder.

"You will get to Broadway Rach. I want to make sure you're ready when you are."

"Sorry I've been such a pill," she replied. Santana giggled at that, "you're always a pill!"

"Hey!" stated Rachel looking indignant.

"Oh come you're my intense, melodramatic, obnoxious, annoying baby sister." She watched Rachel's face fall at every word, "and I wouldn't change you for anything." Santana leaned forward and tapped Rachel's nose playfully to punctuate each word. Rachel blushed and grinned at her older sister, before standing up.

Santana smiled at her, "ok let's wrap this up before we turn into some after school special, why don't you sing one of these songs from your musical? I want to see what you're getting so excited about."

Rachel clapped her hands together, "I can sing Mama who bore me, it's the opening number and it showcases my emotional depth brilliantly." Santana rolled her eyes but secretly enjoyed seeing Rachel look so happy about something again.

...

Quinn wandered down the street lost in her thoughts; she saw the familiar building and slowly approached it. She took a deep breath and walked through the massive foyer. Quinn heard the singing echoing through the building as the choir practiced, she slid into a pew at the back. She bowed her head as she felt tears drip down her face onto the stony floor. Quinn made no attempt to wipe them away; she glanced ahead and saw lit candles illuminating the room. She went back to staring at the floor, concentrating on the little cracks on the floor. Quinn watched as her tears impacted the floor, the tear drops pooling on the cold floor. She returned to reality when her phone vibrated in her pocket, startled she sat up, and pulled it out of her pocket.

"Where are you?"

Quinn sighed heavily, before typing a response, "nowhere, home in half an hour."

She switched her phone off and returned to staring at the floor.

...

Santana sighed to herself, before turning to Brittany, "any idea where Quinn Houdini has gotten to again? Her Sunday disappearing acts are odd."

Brittany just shook her head, "maybe she just needs time to herself, we all need 'me' time every once in a while."

"Yeah," agreed Santana, "you're right I'm making a mountain out of a molehill."

"All we can do is keep an eye on her, and hope if something is bothering her she will speak to us."

"Seriously when did you get so smart?"

Brittany mock slapped Santana's arm, "cheeky bitch."

"Hey! No hitting...unless you're going to kiss it better." Brittany leaned forward with a smirk and peppered the Latina's arm with kisses. She stopped up and looked the Latina in the eyes. Time seemed to stop in those seconds as they both stared at each other. Brittany closed the gap and captured the girl into a kiss. Santana returned it hungrily groping the girl roughly. They stood up together, and pulled apart panting heavily. Santana left her hand stroking Brittany's cheek, at that gesture Brittany looked away. "I should go."

"But why?" asked a crestfallen Santana.

"We need to take this slow. We need to take us slow."

Santana nodded sadly in agreement. "I'll see you tomorrow for Rachel's premiere."

"Yeah, she's so excited," replied Santana giving a weak smile. "She's been practicing in her room all day. I think I know half the words to the songs already."

Brittany smiled back, "that's Rachel for you, overkill." She leaned in and gave Santana a chaste kiss, "see you then." Santana watched her leave the house.

...

Santana knocked on Rachel's door, "come in."

"Hey baby girl, finally giving it a rest?"

"Yes at this point rest is more important than practice; I'm not going to speak tomorrow until the show to ensure my voice is perfect for opening night."

Santana smirked at the smaller girl, "do you promise?"

Rachel scrunched her nose up at that, "you're mean."

"No I'm your big sister, it's my job to tease your mercilessly."

"Actually I'm the youngest so it's my job you'll find."

"Well yeah but you suck at it," replied Santana simply.

Rachel gave her the berry glare, "ouch Rachel." The glare then dissipated into a smirk, "are you looking forward to seeing the show?"

"Of course I am!" said Santana, sensing the undertone of nerves in Rachel's voice. "You are going to wow them, they will be begging for an encore."

"Santana you don't usually have encores in musicals..."

"Fine then whatever you geeks do." Rachel smiled at that comment, and hugged her older sister.

"What was that for?" asked a surprised Santana.

"I'm just happy to have my big sister back, even if you are mean to me." Santana flicked her ear in retribution.

"Whatever dwarf."

"Is Quinn home yet?"

"No not yet. She text me saying she'd be home in half an hour though."

Rachel just nodded in response, "ok I'll leave you to whatever you're doing. Don't stay up to late ok?"

"As if I would! The night before my big performance."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

A lot of spring awakening references in this one so I hope you all get them! Please read and review.

Quinn turned to Rachel, "so what exactly is this show about?"

Rachel looked at her thoughtfully before looking down and scribbling on a white board. She lifted the board up to Quinn, in Rachel's neat script were the words, "Angsty Grease" followed by a star. Quinn giggled and rolled her eyes, "are you seriously not going to talk all day?"

Rachel looked up briefly, before returning to her board, rubbing it clean and writing again. She held the board up to Quinn. "I need to preserve my voice." Quinn just laughed at Rachel's serious face glaring at her. Rachel scribbled more on the board, "this is my serious face Quinn." At that Quinn just fell onto the bed laughing hysterically. Rachel swatted her arm, and then crossed her arms in over dramatic mock indignation. There playful banter was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Come in," yelled Quinn through the door.

"Hey Quinn, how is the wonderful mime?"

Rachel scowled at Santana, "come on you, you need to get to the theatre. We'll be there at 7 to watch your debut."

Rachel's face paled a little, "you know you don't have to come, I won't mind if you don't..." she whispered.

The two girls stared at her in shock. "Of course we are coming! I'm not going to miss my little sister performing in her first musical."

"Yeah... but I know how much you hated listening to Jesse and me when we were younger you'd probably find it boring."

Santana looked at her little sister in shock trying to work out what caused this 180. "You're just getting stage fright; you're going to be fine."

...

Rachel was pacing back stage in her costume, the realisation fully dawning on her; maybe she should have told them the true story. The true content of the play, she had ignored the problem for so long it was now hitting like a punch to the gut. Panic was starting to settle in her stomach. She glanced out through the curtain and saw Santana sat in the front row joking with Brittany. Rachel started waving her hand frantically hoping to catch Santana's eyes.

"Do you have any idea what this play is actually about?" asked Brittany.

"No clue," replied Santana, "but its Rachel probably some funny girl rehash." Santana glanced towards the stage and caught Rachel waving frantically, beckoning her towards her.

"One sec Brit, Rachel appears to be having a panic attack." She stood up from her seat and shuffled her way to the end, before heading through the stage door. She approached an obviously panicking Rachel.

"What's up Rach?" she surveyed her costume, "and what are you wearing? A little short isn't it?"

"I get dressed in the opening scene," replied Rachel. Santana surveyed her again in apprehension. "Hmm ok..."

"Santana, you know you don't have to watch don't you?"

"Rachel calm down, you're going to be great, you are my beautiful talented baby sister and I'm so proud of you."

The panic in her stomach turned to lead at that, it made Rachel feel sick, Santana noticed the reaction to her words. "Rach... what's going on? Why don't you want me here?"

"5 minute warning," yelled a voice. Rachel just dropped her head.

"Santana just remember that you were proud of me."

Santana's face hardened, "what's going on Rach?" she grabbed her arm, but Rachel shrugged her off. "I have to go."

Santana watched her walk away, and headed back to her seat in confusion. She sat down next to Brittany the questioning look still on her face. "What's up San?"

Santana furrowed her eyebrows, "something's up with Rachel, have you got a programme?"

Brittany foraged under her seat, before pulling one out. Santana glanced over the front of the programme the image making her eyes bulge almost comically. "Does that image look a bit provocative to you?" Brittany also glanced at the image, a man's torso on top of a woman.

"Um... yeah," said Brittany slowly. "What do you think it...?"

"Shh!" interrupted Quinn, "it's about to start!"

...

Rachel's voice starting to warm the room, as the opening notes filled and echoed around the theatre. Santana smiled as her little sister got lost in the moment, singing her heart out, frowning slightly at the irony of learning a song titled mama who bore with her biological mother who she didn't know.

They got lost in the musical, laughing at the exchange between Wendla and her mother, shocked when the boys started singing the bitch of living. Santana just looked downright uncomfortable during my junk and the overt masturbation scene. Brittany turned to Santana and whispered in her ear, "Does this musical seem a bit adult for a 15 year old?" Santana just nodded blindly at the blonde unable to take her eyes of the stage, especially when Rachel uttered the line, "I've never been beaten. I've never felt anything." Rachel stared Jesse in the eyes grabbing his chest with her hands. Santana leaned forward to watch the exchange. "Please Melchior..." pleaded Rachel. She stroked his chest and walked away. Jesse lifted the cane up into the air and brought it down in Rachel. "I don't feel it," she exclaimed.

"Maybe not with your dress on," replied Jesse.

"On my bare legs then, come on please." Rachel lifted up the back of her dress. "I'll teach you to say please," Jesse repeated the action.

"Ahh you're barely stroking me," stuttered Rachel. Santana gripped the arm of her chair hard, Brittany covered Santana's hand with her own and squeezed it reassuringly, and both were oblivious to Quinn's reaction.

"How's that then?" yelled Jesse bringing the switch down again. "And that and that."

"... He draws blood melchy,"

Jesse's screams of and that were getting drowned by Rachel's screams of nothing.

"You bitch I'll beat the hell out of you," Jesse mock punched her a few times and threw her to the ground. Santana went to jump out of her seat, but was held down by Brittany.

"It's only a play san," she whispered in her eat, "I'm sure Rachel will explain at the end."

Santana frowned at that, but relaxed back into her seat, both girls unaware of Quinn in the seat next to them. She had gone deadly pale and was gripping the armrests of the chair like they were the only thing holding her to this world.

Brittany turned back to Santana, "well at least it can't get any worse..."

...

"Melchior I'm sorry about what happened I truly am. I understand why you would be angry at me I don't know what I was thinking..."

"Don't," cut in Jesse. "We were confused..."

"No it was my fau..."

"Please don't," said Jesse firmly. Santana watched in interest as they discussed the beating scene, Jesse's inner turmoil and Rachel expressing it was all her fault. The conversation couldn't help but strike a nerve within Santana, could Rachel not see the analogies between the play and her life. Santana gripped Brittany's hand tighter; Brittany rubbed circles in the back of her hand in comfort. She watched Jesse kiss Rachel, then Rachel pull away from him, "no we are not supposed to!"

Jesses held onto her tightly, "what are we not supposed to love?"I hear your heart." He finished tenderly stroking her face. The music started up, the lyrics drowning out the words of Jesse trying to convince Rachel to have sex. Santana watched Jesse climb on top of Rachel, she growled in her throat as they started to kiss. Brittany just continued to caress Santana's hand. Jesse moved his hand onto Rachel's breast and caressed it roughly. "No don't," yelled out Rachel. Brittany had to reach her other arm over to restrain the Latina from jumping the stage. "My little sister is being molested on stage!" she growled into Brittany's ear.

"Calm down San..."

They continued to watch as Jesse undid Rachel's top, "is that my baby sister's breast?"

...


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

This chapter is for bean; hope you are not too bored at work! Thanks for giving me the inspiration to finally write this chapter.

...

They continued to watch as Jesse undid Rachel's top, "is that my baby sister's breast?"

Santana watched in increasing horror as Rachel stimulated foreplay and sex on the stage. She scrunched her face up in disgust. Brittany placed a calming hand on Santana's arm, "don't make a scene San, and just wait till the end."

"My baby sister is getting naked on stage, what sort of perverted paedophilic musical is this? She's 15 years old." Santana's voice started to get louder as the sentence continued, attracting the attention of other spectators.

"Shh San, calm down." Santana started huffing and spitting under her breath, and cursing in Spanish. When the lights went out at the interval, Santana jumped up out of her seat and pushed past people towards the stage door, Brittany tore after her.

"San! Stop!" Brittany tried to grab the angry girl. She finally succeeded when the crowd slowed the Latina down. Brittany turned her around to look her in the eye, "getting angry now, won't solve anything San, let's go sit down wait till the end, then you can discuss this rationally. Do something now you will only regret it and you know it."

Santana shrugged in defeat but the angry disposition was still clear for all to see. They returned to their seats, still oblivious to Quinn's failure to react to anything.

...

Rachel was back on the stage for the start of the second act; she glanced out into the audience, and looked into her older sister's eyes. She saw the fury aimed at her. She noticeably gulped. Brittany was just shaking her head in disappointment, but it was the look on Quinn's face that shocked her the most, she looked practically catatonic. Rachel put on her show face and continued with the show.

...

Rachel was backstage getting changed out of her costume when she heard the yelling. She couldn't tell what was being said but she recognised the raised voices of Santana, Shelby and Jesse.

She walked over towards the door and pressed her ear against it, to try and understand the muffled yelling.

"She's just a child Shelby! How could you allow her to do that on stage?" Santana then rounded on Jesse, "and you! She's 15... How could you stimulate that with after everything she has been through with Karofsky?" Rachel strained to hear more, but got pushed back when the door opened. Brittany had entered the room, with a trailing Quinn. "Don't be ear wigging Rachel it doesn't concern you."

"Yes it does!" shouted Rachel, but the look that Brittany shot her, made her feel with shame and look at her feet. Rachel turned to Quinn, "I'm sorry Quinn." Quinn didn't respond to her, Rachel leaned in to touch her cheek, Quinn visibly recoiled, "don't touch me Berry."

Quinn walked out of the dressing room, Brittany sighed and turned to the younger girl, "get all your stuff together Rachel you won't be coming back here." Rachel went to interrupt her, but seeing the steely gaze staring back at her made her chose to comply without further argument. Brittany led her to the car, they both waited in the car for Santana to reappear. Quinn was already standing by the car. Santana re-emerged from the theatre 30 minutes later; they drove home in absolute silence. No-one looked at each other; no-one felt the need to break the silence.

...

Santana jumped out of the front seat, marched around to the back and yanked the door open and pulled Rachel out of the car. She stared into her eyes. "Get into the house sit in the living room; do not move from that sofa." Rachel took off into the house. Quinn got out of the car, "I'm going for a walk," Santana just nodded and headed inside. Brittany lingered behind; "are you ok Quinn?" she reached out an arm to touch the girl's shoulder. Quinn jumped back in response fighting back tears. "I just need to be alone Brit." Brittany scrunched her face up in worry, "an hour ok Quinn? I want you back in an hour. You know you can talk to me right?"

Quinn just nodded but walked away. Brittany sighed and walked into the house, to attempt to mediate the stand-off between Santana and Rachel.

Santana was glaring down at Rachel, "what was that?"

Rachel didn't answer and just continued to stare at an interesting point on the floor. "I asked you a question Rachel; what was that?"

Rachel continued to look down, "look at me when I'm talking to you," Santana yelled.

"San..." interrupted Brittany.

"No, come on Rachel you obviously think you are an adult, but you can't look me in the eye. I know everything Rach, you forged my signature on the permission slip, and you knew I would not be ok with the content but you did it anyway. So you obviously have no respect for me, and you are also obviously a child."

Rachel stayed silent, "you have proved you are still a child Rachel, I thought you were more grown up than this. I was ready to start treating you like an adult, but you just proved you are in fact still a child." Santana's anger grew, "not only a child but a slut, getting naked in front of people, getting fingered on stage!" Brittany stepped in, "stop Santana before you say something you will regret."

Santana pushed her hair back with her hand, "why are you so selfish Rachel? Have you ever thought about me or Brittany? I'm giving up everything for you and you just keep throwing it all back in my face. You lied to me, it was more important for you to be in a musical then to treat me with respect."

"That's not true San..."

"Well actions speak louder than words Rachel, you are not seeing Shelby or Jesse again nor will you be performing in that show again."

"What?" gasped Rachel, "you can't do that?"

"I can and I am Rachel, you are a child who needs protecting, do you think your dad's would have been ok with that show."

Rachel looked thoroughly rebuked. "I didn't do it to hurt you."

Santana's face softened slightly, "I know you didn't Rachel you just didn't think...and it's getting old Rach I'm fed up of having the same conversations with you over and over again."

"I just wanted my dream San..." whimpered Rachel.

"You are grounded Rachel, I'm also separating you and Quinn. Quinn is going to move into the spare room."

"What?" said Rachel jumping up and showing a back bone for the first time during the argument.

"You're not grown up enough to share a room with your girlfriend."

"That's ridiculous Santana!"

"They are the rules, I gave you the option of trust, you broke it, so the option is gone, and you are effectively 12 again. That is that! Deal with it!"

Rachel huffed at her, before storming up the stairs tears streaking down her face. Santana turned and hugged Brittany, taking comfort from her warm embrace, she pulled away gently, "Hey Brit where's Quinn?"

...


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Santana stood tentatively outside of Rachel's room, before knocking gently. "Come in," she heard whimpered through the doorway. She pushed open the door and her heart broke at the sight of her little sister curled up in the foetal position on her bed cuddling a pillow. Santana approached the bed and sat down next to her, and starting running her hand through Rachel's hair.

"I'm sorry Rach, I really am...I'm just hurt."

Rachel sat up at that, not used to hearing her strong older sister sound so despondent. "You use to tell me everything Rach; I was your cool older sister. Me and you against the dads. Now I feel like I don't know you, I want to know how I can change that Rach."

"It's not you San, it's just our dynamic it's different now,"

"It doesn't mean I'm not your big sister still, I'm sorry I over-reacted Rachel, by why won't you let me protect you?" tears silently started to fill Santana's eye.

Rachel wrapped her arms around Santana, "I've been so confused San, I'm sorry I've been upsetting you. I didn't want to... I didn't mean to... I know I've been selfish. It's so hard Santana." Rachel buried her head in Santana's hair. "I love you Rachel,"

"I miss them San, do you think they would be proud of me?"

"They were always proud of you, they would have heart attack if they saw you in that musical! You are so talented baby girl, but stage nudity, on stage sex, it's a bit much Rach. When you're 18 I will support you the whole way, if you want to dance naked singing 'I'm so pretty'. I will support you, but when you're an adult, you're not an adult yet."

"Ok San, but please don't take Quinn away from me." Rachel pleaded.

"I'm not taking Quinn away from you, I'm giving you both your own space, trust me when you're in a relationship you will need it." Santana stroked Rachel's cheek softly.

"I'm not a slut San, I've never... never ..."

"I know Rach I'm sorry I said it, I was just saying to hurt you because you hurt me, and I guess I'm not as adult as I thought I was." Rachel sighed in content and snuggled closer into the Latina's side. There moment was interrupted by Brittany who had run up the stairs and barged into the room gasping out, "Quinn..."

...

Quinn strode purposefully towards the house; she looked bitterly at the perfect lawn and picket fence. It made her feel sick. She started banging on the door loudly, the door opened quickly to reveal the flushed face of Judy Fabray, "Quinn what are you doing..."

Quinn pushed past the older woman, "is he here?"

"Your father is in the study, what are you doing here Quinn? You know you are not welcome here."

"I want some fucking answers,"

"Answers about what?"

"For once in your life mother would you open your eyes? I needed my mom, but you ignored it, couldn't besmirch the Fabray name, have people discuss our business. Since when is reputation more important than your youngest daughter!"

All the yelling had attracted the attention of the other occupant of the house.

"What are you doing here?" snarled Russell Fabray.

"You!" yelled Quinn turning to him with fire in her eyes. "I want some god damn answers, how could you let it happen? Why did you let it happen? Why didn't you stop him?"

"I think you should leave Quinn now." Neither of them noticed Judy Fabray slip out of the room.

"I told you dad, I told you, and you didn't do anything. You called me a liar."

"You were a liar! You were telling horrible little liars. You could have destroyed that man."

"I was telling the truth and you punished me for it, then you sent me back to him! How could you do that you were supposed to love me, belief me, cherish me! The Berry's loved me."

"Do not mention those fags in my house! They corrupted you Quinn, you were my perfect little angel, but now you're some filthy lying dyke."

Quinn picked up a photo frame from the table and flung it in the direction of her father he easily side-stepped it as it shattered against the wall. "I didn't lie; I'm fed up of you pretending it didn't happen! Mom had to wash blood out of my clothes, you saw the bruises!"

"You were an active kid Quinn, stop looking for something that isn't there," explained Russell weakly.

"I just wanted my dad to tell everything would be ok! Hug me and make everything better instead you punished me for telling you the truth. So reputation is more important that truth."

"The things you were telling me were disgusting Quinn! Hearing my daughter say such things!"

"Doesn't mean they weren't true daddy, pretending something isn't true doesn't make it a lie." The tears were streaming down her face; she pulled her arm up to wipe her tears away roughly.

"You have no right to come in here and demand anything Quinn... you are no longer a part of this family."

Quinn turned on him livid, she picked up a chair and threw it towards him, it smashed against the wall, and splintered off covering the floor in debris, "you call this a family, you and mom living alone in your own little perfect bubble. It's all a lie! Your whole life is a lie; everything you ever believed is a lie! But you can't accept that! The big bad Russell Fabray can't have lost control!"

Russell approached his youngest daughter angrily and grabbed her arm roughly. He looked her in the eyes, the sad look made him let go immediately.

"You're pathetic! Come on why don't you hit me! Come on Russell," yelled Quinn goading him.

"You need help Quinn."

"No I need you to admit the truth! Tell me you know it happened, tell me it was real! Tell me I didn't make it up and there was a reason I was silenced! Give me a reason!"

"There is nothing to admit Quinn; I think you should leave now."

"Tell the truth!" screamed Quinn. Judy re-entered the room, she approached Quinn and went to hug her. Quinn shrugged her off and stared her in the eyes, "tell me the truth," Judy opened her mouth to speak.

"Judy, don't pander to her delusions."

"There not delusions Russell," she whispered. The room turned silent at those words

"Mom, tell me it really happened, please," Quinn pleaded quietly. The moment was interrupted by the front door slamming open, Santana and Brittany barrelled in surveying the chaos in front of them.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Ok guys very short update... I've had a lot of drama/stress at the moment. Don't worry not abandoning the story. I was just reading through my last couple of chapters I posted and the amount of spelling and grammar errors was appalling. Anyway I hope you enjoy this one.

Santana ran forward and attempted to grab Quinn from behind. She shook Santana off her and knocked into her mother, shoving her against the wall. "Tell me," she spat in her face.

"Get her out of here Santana! Before I call the police!" yelled Russell clearly frazzled by the whole situation unfolding in his foyer.

"Call the police daddy," countered Quinn her head spinning around to face him. The expression on his daughter's face made him gasp.

"What happened to us Quinnie?" he said sadly shaking his head.

"What happened to us?" yelled Quinn furiously, "what happened is you let him do it! You let it happen! And then you kicked me out for telling you the truth. This family can't handle truth. No it's you that can't handle the truth."

Russell's face hardened, "who was I supposed to believe Quinn?"

Quinn's eye lit up at the small acceptance Russell had made; at least he was acknowledging that something had happened. "You were supposed to believe me daddy..." she replied weakly loosening her grip on her mother. Santana stepped forward and put her hand on Quinn's shoulder, she leant back into the Latina's embrace, who wrapped her arms rightly round the smaller blonde. Quinn was heaving, breathing heavily and noisily, "calm down Quinn," muttered Santana making shushing noises. Quinn regained her composure and looked up into her father's eyes, "when you get over your homophobia and decide to try and wriggle back into my life, I want you to know one thing; I will never forgive you." she shook her head sadly, "you are dead to me." Quinn heard her mother whimper next to her, "I can't deal with this, drama, this repression, all the lies. The lies are too much; you pretend everything is ok when it's not." Quinn stepped out of Santana's embrace, she slapped her mother hard around the face, the woman flinched but made no effort to retaliate. Russell jumped forward, "touch my wife again, and I will call the police!"

Santana reached out and pulled Quinn back into her, but this time Brittany also stepped forward to help the Latina restrain her. "Brittany take Quinn to the car..." Quinn allowed herself to be led out of the house, only briefly stopping when she heard her mom's voice, "I'm so sorry baby."

Santana was left standing between the two parents, "what the hell was that?"

"She's not well," replied Russell.

"For once in your life, stop the bullshit! And forcibly remove your head from your own ass."

"Don't talk to me like that in my own house!" yelled Russell back.

"I don't give a damn about you! I care about Quinn; I need to fix this mess."

"You can't fix it," whimpered Judy staring at the ground.

"Shut up Judy!"

Santana rounded on the woman, "what can't I fix?"

"You can't erase the past Santana; this can never be fixed..."

"I won't tell you again Judy!" yelled Russell getting increasingly anxious. Santana tenderly grabbed Judy's hand, "tell me please..."

"I want you to leave this second..." Russell stated firmly jumping in between them breaking the physical contact. Santana glared at him, "you are so desperate to protect your image, it's all a facade Russell, that's the life you lead..."

"Perception is reality Santana, never forget that," he replied grimly. Santana just shook her head and left the house with the perfect white picket fences.

...

Quinn was comatose in the back seat; her eyes glazed staring into the distance. They drove the distance home in complete silence, when they pulled into the drive Santana cut the engine. She waited 5 seconds before jumping out of the car and getting into the back seat; she wrapped the smaller blonde into a hug, and in that moment Quinn broke and just sobbed brokenly and indiscriminately. Santana just let her cry not saying a word, knowing this was what Quinn needed. Brittany climbed out and into the back seat on the other side and hugged Quinn as well. Quinn was sobbing so much she was struggling to breath; Brittany lifted her arms so they were above her head to attempt to ease the burning she knew Quinn would be feeling in her lungs. Eventually through the exhaustion of it, Quinn fell limp asleep in the back of the car. Santana and Brittany tenderly lifted the sleeping girl and carried her into the house, settling her into the sofa, covering her with a blanket. Santana took a seat on the arm chair, waiting patiently for the blonde to wake up.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Ok... i've been a little AWOL... stressful times, new medication sadly not as successful as i hoped it would be but hey what are you going to do... anyway onto the bit you people actually care about. This chapter will probably confuse the hell out of everyone, but it will all make sense soon, but be prepared for the confusing head fuck. I hope to update again in the next few days need to get my rhythm back. Hope you enjoy! P.s there is a sex scene, but not overly graphic.

Quinn groggily moved her head that slight movement made a sharp pain reverberate through her mind. She turned her head to try and bury her face underneath the blanket, but Santana had already realised the blonde girl had stirred.

"Quinn, I know you're awake."

Quinn groaned to herself but didn't turn her head to meet the older girl. "we need to talk about this Quinn."

Quinn turned onto her other side so she was facing Santana, "there is nothing to talk about," mumbled Quinn.

"Nothing to talk about? Are you fucking with me Quinn? What the hell just happened?"

Quinn cringed at the tone of Santana's voice, rather than answer she decided to play with the corner of the blanket, rubbing the tips of her fingers along the crease in the fabric. She just stared at her fingers as she gracefully moved them along the blanket, enjoying the comfort the touches gave her. Santana leant forward and grabbed Quinn's hand gently but firmly.

"Quinn, what was that?"

"We all have skeletons in our closet Santana," Quinn answered weakly.

"What are yours?" asked Santana.

"What are yours?" mirrored Quinn, with a raised eyebrow.

"We are not talking about me Quinn, this is about you."

"I'll take another topic, thank you."

"Quinn..." moaned Santana in exasperation. "Don't make me pull rank here Quinn."

Quinn narrowed her eyes at the Latina, Santana just continued to speak, "i need to know Quinn, what if this happens again, and i wasn't there to step in when i did?"

"it won't happen again," she responded instantly.

Santana sighed, "i need more than that Quinn, i'm worried about you."

"there is nothing to worry about." She responded again instantly, her voice devoid of emotion.

"bullshit! I just watched you go loco on your parents, over some big Fabray secret."

"exactly a Fabray secret..."

"Quinn, we are family now, we share things, we help each other."

Quinn scoffed loudly, "that's not what a family is, i refuse to be reliant on anyone."

Santana looked at the girl sadly, "that sounds very lonely Quinn."

Quinn stared down at the floor, finally removing her hand from Santana's grasp.

"Whatever this secret is Quinn, it's eating you alive, I'm not going to stand idly by and watch you self-destruct."

Quinn kept her eyes trained on the ground, "can i go to bed please." She said it more as a statement than a question. Santana stroked Quinn's hair, "ok, but you're grounded Quinn."

Quinn just nodded in agreement, stood up, hugging the blanket tightly around her body, as she made her way up the stairs.

...

Quinn entered the room; Rachel was sat on the bed, but stood up instantly to greet her, "Quinn! Where have you been? I've been so worried! Are you mad at me?"

Quinn shushed the girl's rant, by bringing her hand up to caress Rachel's cheek. "I'm not mad at you, Rachel," Quinn whispered quietly.

"Even after the Jesse thing..." Rachel trailed off. Quinn just nodded in response, "I need you Rachel, I need something good and pure... innocent."

Quinn leaned in and kissed Rachel gently, taking her time with the kiss it was slow and tender. Quinn rested her forehead on Rachel's. "Can I take it?" asked Quinn looking directly into Rachel's brown eyes, tears leaked out of the sides of her own eyes. Rachel just nodded bashfully, swallowing slightly. Quinn pushed her gently onto the bed, releasing her own hold on the blanket that she had wrapped around her body; she enjoyed the sound it made as it hit the floor. She straddled the other girl pulling her top off gently caressing the skin the whole time. She placed sweet kisses over Rachel's collarbone and neck, before returning to Rachel's mouth, the kisses still remained remarkably tender and soft. Quinn reached her hands around Rachel's body and unclasped her bra, watching with satisfaction as the bra fell away from her body. Rachel reached out to pull Quinn closer towards, instantly Quinn pinned Rachel's hand to the bed. "You don't touch me." Rachel looked at in confusion, "I'm in control Rachel." She started kissing Rachel's neck again gently, her hands still gripped Rachel's tightly onto the bed. "Who is in control?"

"You are," responded Rachel lost in the ministrations.

"Who?" asked Quinn again.

"Quinn... Quinn is in control." Rachel responded.

Quinn released Rachel's hand now she understood the rules of this encounter. Quinn set about removing the remaining clothes, until Rachel was completely naked in front of her. "You are so beautiful Rachel, and you're mine."

Rachel cringed at the words, but found an odd comfort in Quinn saying those words. Quinn continued to slowly caress Rachel's body, taking the time to fully explore every inch of available skin, soft fingertips continued to stroke the flesh, while her mouth enveloped any skin her hands failed to show attention too. "Quinn, stop teasing me..."

Quinn responded by resting her hand between Rachel's legs, she roughly covered Rachel's mouth with her own intensifying the kiss, her tongue started to probe, the tenderness of before lost in a moment of sheer aggressive dominance. Without warning, Quinn roughly shoved two fingers inside Rachel. Rachel cried out in pain, Quinn just continued to kiss Rachel to drown out the sound. She retracted her hand only to push it back in harder than before. Tears ran down Rachel's face, as she attempted to wrestle away from Quinn.

"Quinn Stop it hurts," Rachel choked out.

Quinn held her steady, holding her two fingers deep inside her, "shh, Rachel calm down..." she used her free hand to wipe Rachel's tear's away. "It's going to hurt at first Rach, do you trust me?"

Rachel just nodded in response, ignoring the burning feeling between her legs. Quinn started to scissor her fingers, causing Rachel to whimper louder. "It's ok Baby girl, I've got you." Quinn started to moved her fingers slowly in a gentle rocking motion. Rachel still found it painful but she found something oddly comforting in the pain. "harder," whimpered Rachel turning her head unable to look Quinn in the eye. Quinn started to thrust harder, any sense of rhythm lost. Rachel groaned in pleasure and pain. She attempted to move her hips to meet the thrusts, but was stopped by Quinn's body forcing her onto the bed, "i'm in control," she growled into Rachel's ear. Quinn continued to probe with her fingers, before she retracted them quickly, she wiped her fingers on Rachel's stomach, and stood up. Rachel looked up at her in confusion, "Quinn, what's wrong?"

"i've taken it," was all she said, staring blankly into space.

"Quinn you're scaring me," said Rachel pulling the blanket towards her to cover her naked body.

"that was easy," said Quinn more to herself than anyone else.

Rachel looked down ashamedly at her legs, "so easy," continued Quinn. She turned and walked out of the room, leaving a heartbroken and confused Rachel sitting on the bed.

...


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

_**Hey another short update... Sorry, but thanks for all the reviews, they have really inspired me. I was very nervous about the last chapter but everyone seems to be ok with it. Anyway next chapter hope you guys like it, and if you do please drop me a review. **_

...

Rachel sat on the bed breathing heavily, the slickness between her thighs made her feel dirty and sick. She stood up and leant down to pick up the blanket Quinn had discarded on the floor. Rachel wrapped it around her body, breathing in the scent of its heavenly reverence. She sighed to herself the comfort she normally got from her scent no longer held the same comfort. Rachel felt the silent tears running down her face, she wiped them away awkwardly, and she then steadied herself, and left the room to shower.

...

Quinn sat on the bed in her new room, her mind completely lost in recesses of her head.

"I love you Quinn, calm down baby, don't cry Quinnie."

Quinn shuddered at the voice in her head; his voice always reverberated through her even if it was only an echo of the past. Frustration built in side of her; it was the past, the fucking past, why couldn't she get past it. She lifted her head and glanced around the room, the anger bubbled in her stomach, and she could feel it frothing to the surface. She stood up slowly and walked out of the bedroom door. She went down the stairs and glanced over to the sofa, where Santana was sitting cross-legged. Santana looked up at the sound of shuffling feet; she immediately stood up and rushed over to the blonde girl, and captured her into a tight hug. Quinn felt the anger erupt out of her into bitter heartbreaking sobs, and she buried her head into Santana's shoulder. Santana gently lowered them to the floor, at no point did she release the vice tight grip she had on Quinn. No words were spoken, none were needed. Brittany entered the room from the kitchen, she surveyed the sight in front of her understanding the significance of the occurrence, and lowered herself to the floor behind Quinn wrapping her arms around the girl, effectively sandwiching the girl. They were trying to convey pure love and affection by mere physical contact alone. They all patiently sat on the floor, even when their knees starting to hurt from kneeling on the floor they didn't move. Eventually Quinn's breathing evened out, and it was clear she was asleep. Santana glanced over Quinn's shoulder at Brittany, between them they lifted the girl, Santana held onto her bridal style and carried her up the stairs depositing her into her own bed, before getting into it herself, with Brittany joining her on the other side. No words were said during the entire encounter, because sometimes words cannot express what needs to be said and any words would only distract from the greater inherent truths.

Unbeknownst to the three girls currently tucked up in bed, the other member of their family was stood naked in the bathroom, staring at the razor that was balanced so precariously on the sink. It was calling to her. She lifted the razor up off the side, gripping it lightly in her palm. She ran her finger down the handle lightly; she then snapped the head of the razor off. She used her fingernails to prise the blades out. Thanking whichever girl had carelessly left the razor within her grasp. She pushed the blade roughly into her pubic bone, a place she knew she could hide the cuts. She watched in satisfaction as the blood spilled out coating her fingers and the blade. She lifted her hand up circling her fingers, enjoying the feeling of the blood in between her fingertips. She watched in disappointment when the feeling didn't erase the heavy feeling in her soul, she lifted the blade and jabbed it in again roughly, she watched in dismay that she had cut to high. The cut appeared on her stomach and was bleeding profusely. Her normally controlled cutting manner had gone; she had just stuck herself lost in the moment. She watched in pure shock and awe as the blood cascaded down her body onto the floor. "Shit," Rachel swore under her breath. She grabbed a towel and quickly pressed it against her stomach to try and stem the bleeding, the white towel quickly turned red. She was shocked by the sheer amount of blood exiting her body. The relief she got from cutting was now being replaced by fear, as the magnitude of the situation hit her. Panic was coursing through her veins. She started to feel dizzy, and slumped down on to floor leaning heavily on the bathtub. Rachel attempted to take deep cleansing breaths, and realised the hopelessness of her situation. Her options seemed to be go run to Santana... or go to run Santana. She surveyed the room, or she could just wait here for her problems to go away. Yeah that was the better option.

...

Santana was laying down her arm was bent, and holding her head up as she was looking down at the sleeping blondes in front of her. She slowly crept out of the bed, replacing the covers gently over the sleeping girls. Quinn's face was still red and puffy from all the crying, she leant down and kissed her forehead, tucking Quinn's hair behind her ear at the same time. She crept down the hallway, and was surprised to see Rachel's door ajar. Rachel had never been able to sleep with the door open, it had been an issue of ridicule from when she was younger when a nightlight had to be purchased rather than merely allowing the hall light to be left on, and the door left open. Santana stuck her head into Rachel's room; she looked around the room in confusion. Rachel's clothes had been flung all around the room. Rachel was nothing if not meticulous, and organised when it came to her wardrobe, dirty clothes always went in the hamper, never across the floor. Santana rolled her eyes to herself, when she remembered sharing a room with the diva, and that rule causing a few Berry World Wars. She left the room, and wandered towards the bathroom, and knocked on the door lightly, "Rach, you in there?"

Rachel looked down at her stomach, then up at the door, trying to work out her best possible option. She resigned to herself, "yes I'm in San."

"Are you ok?"

Rachel sighed heavily to herself, "If I ask for your help will you promise not to be mad?"

Santana worried, pushed against the door and went to open it but was halted by the lock, "what's wrong Rachel?"

"Do you promise not to be mad?"

"Rachel I'm not having a conversation with a door, open the door and we can discuss whatever is wrong."

"I will open the door as soon as you promise not to be mad."

"I can't promise that Rachel, but I can promise you that I always have your best interests at heart."

"Why did you have to go and say that?"

Santana smiled weakly against the door, pressing her face into the wood. She heard a groan through the door then the shuffling of steps and then the noticeable click of the look being taken off. She tentatively opened the door, and was met with the sight of Rachel leaning against the bath tub; a crimson colour covered the bathroom. Santana looked into her sister's eyes, Rachel was surprised by what she saw, she expected rage, anger, annoyance, but all she was disappointment and weariness. She found that reaction much more gut wrenching than anything Santana could have yelled at her. Santana reached up and grabbed the first aid kit out of the cabinet and set about cleaning up the wound on Rachel's stomach. Once she had finished the clean up job Santana finally spoke to Rachel. "Rachel this action tonight has proven how young you are, because I won't let you perform in that play anymore you resort to this. It's immature Rachel and hardly a way to prove to me that you are mature enough to handle that role."

Rachel bit her lip in agitation; Spring Awakening was the last thing on her mind. Quinn was taking up the majority of her free mind space. Rachel chose to just nod along with Santana; she looked up into Santana's eyes and for the first time in a long time saw her teenaged sister. That same girl who was so insecure when she first crossed the threshold of the Berry house. "Santana, I'm sorry."

"I know you are," replied Santana, "but I don't know how to deal with all this I just don't..."


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Ok... Sorry for the lack of updates... I suck I know! Life has been getting me down but I promise to start updating at least once a week! Thanks to everyone who reviews, you really keep me going. It really lights up my day when I get a nice review!

...

Santana sucked harshly on the cigarette, choking a little on the smoke filling her lungs. She tapped the cigarette with her finger and watched ash fall of the end onto the step next to her. Santana glanced out into the night, looking up at the stars that glowed brightly in the absence of artificial lights, as the town slept. She brought her knees up to her chest and rested her head on them. Santana was lost, she was supposed to have all the answers but she didn't. She was supposed to know how to fix Quinn but she didn't. She was supposed to know how to stop Rachel from hurting herself but she didn't. Santana lifted her head up slowly from her knees; she was surprised to see a blonde girl standing in front of her. "Can I steal a smoke?"

Santana just nodded. The blonde picked up the packet that has been tossed carelessly aside, she retrieved a cigarette and put it to her lips and struck a match lighting it. Santana chuckled to herself, "never thought I would see the day that Quinn Fabray smoked a cigarette." Quinn inhaled sharply against the cigarette, "I never thought my life would end up like this." The two girls were silent; Quinn remained standing leaning against the porch, which Santana sat on the stoop.

"Do you love me Santana?"

Santana looked up from the floor, and straight into Quinn's eyes. She stood up and hugged Quinn tightly, "Quinn I'm your sister, your mother, your daughter and your best friend. The word love cannot even capture the affection I hold for you."

"That was damn poetic S," replied Quinn. Both girls giggled slightly. Quinn turned the conversation serious again, "do you love Rachel more than me?"

Santana took a deep breath, "we are a family Q, and in this family Rachel is the baby, I might coddle her more, but that doesn't mean I love you any less."

Quinn nodded at her, "what if I ever hurt Rachel?"

"Is this what all this is about?" asked Santana curiously, "you're relationship with Rachel?"

"What if I fuck it up S, what if I destroy our family?"

"That's never going to happen Q, I trust you, and I know you will look after Rachel and I know you love Rachel." Quinn stared at the floor guiltily, though Santana failed to notice the fact. "But Quinn, please take things slow with her she's still very vulnerable right now as are you, don't rush into anything, you are both a bit everywhere at the moment." Quinn just nodded her head in response, trying to keep the rising guilt down. "I love you San, and don't ever doubt what you're doing." Quinn stubbed her cigarette out on the floor, and she turned to leave. "One more thing Quinn..."

Quinn waited in interest, "that's the last cigarette you will ever smoke." Quinn smiled back at Santana with a chuckle, "yes boss," she replied with a mock salute. "Do you have a book you read? How to deal with teenagers?"

"No, but I'm thinking of writing one."

"Very funny," said Quinn. Both of them were enjoying the banter, they were ignoring the bigger issues they both knew that, but for once they wanted to feel like teenagers. Quinn entered the house shutting the back door behind her. She sighed, leaning heavily on the door, letting the wood support most of her weight. Her mind raced when the enormity of what she had done hit her full force. She slowly got to her feet, and wandered to the fridge. Quinn pulled out a carton of milk, and brought it to her lips and chugged it down quickly, before wiping her top lip with the back of her hand, in a showing of uncharacteristic masculinity. She realised she was just procrastinating; she glanced at the clock on the wall seeing that it was 3am. Talking with Rachel just might have to wait until morning.

...

Brittany stroked Rachel's hair lightly with her fingertips as she watched her sleep, "what are we going to do with you hey?" she whispered under her breath more to herself than anyone else. Rachel whimpered slightly in her sleep, so Brittany applied more pressure to sooth and calm the agitated girl. Brittany sighed to herself and kept glancing towards the slightly ajar door willing Santana to walk back through it. Santana was stressed, it was clear to tell on her face alone, the weight of this family on her shoulders was starting to slowly beat her. It scared Brittany, it scared her to see, her strong, confident girlfriend looking so tired and defeated. When Santana hurt, Brittany hurt. Brittany draped her arm over Rachel and snuggled her head further into the pillow in an attempt to fall asleep. She knew she couldn't fix anything tonight, but tomorrow was fair game. Brittany just needed a battle plan.

...

Santana woke up to the sun bathing her face in light, she moved her head to escape it and then felt the pain in her back and shoulders. Disorientated, she took in her surroundings. Santana had fallen asleep on the porch; she sluggishly dragged herself to her feet, and started brushing cigarette ash off herself, that had somehow stuck to her during the night. She clumsily opened the door and headed into the kitchen, hoping that caffeine would invigorate her. Santana was met with the pleasant smell of coffee wafting through the kitchen and Brittany sat at the table.

"Hey," she greeted weakly leaning forward to kiss the girl on the cheek. Brittany accepted the affection gracefully and pushed a cup of hot coffee towards the Latina. She cradled the cup into her chest letting the steam exiting the cup fill her nose, and remove some of her stress. Santana exhaled heavily, "what do I do Brittany?"

Brittany ran her hand slowly down Santana's arm; the physical contact offering more comfort than any words could alone. "I think we need to speak to a professional."

Santana glanced down at the blonde, "what like a therapist?"

"Yeah, Quinn and Rachel definitely need it and it wouldn't hurt for you to speak someone."

"I don't know Britt, head shrinking... Not really my style," replied Santana dubiously.

"San a couple of sessions can't hurt, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work what have you lost from trying it?"

"My pride," answered Santana quickly. Brittany laughed quietly to herself, "and you wonder why Rachel and Quinn have issues opening up? Santana opening up is not a show of weakness, it's a showing of strength, to accept your flaws and be open about them shows that they don't control you. Acknowledging a weakness in the long run can make you stronger."

"Have you been watching Dr Phil?" responded Santana dryly.

"You know it's all true, I might not be the smartest, or even know a lot, but I know myself which is more than I can say about you three."

Santana nodded in admission, "ok I get it... therapy it is. Good luck convincing Quinn though."

"Quinn doesn't need convincing she's going," Brittany replied in a determined tone.

"How do you work that one out Britt?"

"We are the adults here, San. She's not and you have to back me on this one. We have to be a united front, if we are going to do this."

"What about Rachel? If the authorities find out she's self harming then won't they intervene."

"Miss Pillsbury," replied Brittany simply. "She will protect us, and Mr Schue will help."

"I don't think Quinn will want to talk to Emma," said Santana with a hint of trepidation.

"Well she doesn't have a choice in the matter."

Santana smirked at her girlfriend, "I have to say I love it when you get all strict and determined, it's quite the turn on." She affirmed the statement by sitting on the blonde's lap and straddling her. She leaned in and kissed the blonde chastely on the mouth.

"I'm glad babe, but you need to brush your teeth." Santana gave her a look of pure dismay.

"Cheeky bugger."

"Well you taste like an ash tray san," replied Brittany. Santana tutted in mock indignation. "Go brush your teeth San, and then we can begin operation therapy."


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30.

Ok firstly short update, secondly sorry for the wait, but my life imploded on me. To give you short story, (not that any of you actually care-not that I blame you-generally I skip the authors notes myself when I'm reading). My life got much more complicated, no money, no food, can't afford my rent, and then my sister outed me to my parents, and now I have no family. So overall fantastic 2 weeks for me. But writing is still my cathartic release, and in some strange paradox fan fiction is keeping me sane. If you like please review, as it does mean the world to hear feedback, anyway enough of my woe is me routine. Enjoy.

Quinn knocked timidly on Rachel's bedroom door, her ear pressed up against the door for any sound of a person moving inside the room. She cautiously pushed the door open and entered the room, and was surprised to see Rachel sat at her desk, surfing the web on her laptop.

"Can we talk Rachel?" stated Quinn quietly.

Rachel answered without turning her head, "I don't think we have anything to talk about Quinn, actions speak a lot louder than words."

"Rachel, I'm sorry, I was in a bad place, and I shouldn't have taken it like that..."

"Taken what?" asked Rachel turning around to scrutinise the girl stood awkwardly in front of her.

"Your virginity..." whimpered Quinn.

"You didn't take my virginity Quinn, you do not have a penis, and you broke my hymen; however that can occur through a number of different activities." Rachel turned back to her laptop. Quinn just stood there unsure how to respond to that statement. She inched further into the room, and went to lay her hand on Rachel's shoulder, but was interrupted by a voice before she could.

"Do not touch me Quinn," Rachel continued typing as she spoke, not bothering to turn around to speak to the girl, just glancing occasionally at the corner of her laptop which showed a blurry reflected image of the blonde. "Did you think you could come in here, and expect me to fall into your arms, do you want me to be pathetic little Rachel, cry, weep and sob. Well guess what that Rachel is dead. The truth of the matter is you Quinn Fabray are fucked up, you are more fucked up than me, you just did a better job of hiding it. I saw the real you last night for the first time ever. I don't know you Quinn, and I certainly don't trust you. So knowing this, why the hell would I let you lay another finger on me?"

Of all the reactions Quinn was expecting, this was not one that had even fleetingly entered her mind, she expected, anger, betrayal, sadness, disillusionment, not this cold calculated response. "Rach you know me please, you know me. You're one of the only people in this world who do, please don't do this. I'm sorry, I lost control last night."

"Do you know what the amazing thing about the word sorry is?"

Quinn just shook her head in response. "sorry is a pointless word, one word cannot express true remorse Quinn, that word gets thrown around so much that it is now meaningless. The sad cold hard truth is that if you are truly sorry, then you would never have let it have happened in the first place making the whole apology defunct."

"We all make mistakes Rachel, you have," replied Quinn started to get more defensive in tone.

"don't give me that bullshit Quinn," Rachel said her voice raising in volume as well as pitch, Quinn was relieved in a strange way as it showed Rachel's emotive side that she had been hiding behind verbose. Quinn looked at her sadly, "to err is human, to forgive is divine."

"Is that what your parent's said to you?" questioned Rachel bitterly. Quinn's face hardened, as she put on a mask to hide the hurt, but it was too late Rachel saw her eyes. For the first time ever Rachel saw Quinn's raw emotions, it was only a flash less than a second, but she saw it, and somehow that changed everything. Rachel took a deep breath, "I need time Quinn, I know there's something you're not telling me. We are both so fucked up Quinn; we can't handle any kind of relationship until we sort ourselves out first." Quinn nodded grimly.

"I will earn your trust back Rach, I promise you that, if you need to talk about it you can tell Santana."

"I won't tell Santana, Quinn. It would just create more conflict and more tension, that won't benefit anyone."

"I just don't want you to bottle things up Rach, I didn't want to cause you more pain, and I promise you." Rachel stood up and held her hand close to Quinn's face as if to cup it but never actually made skin-to-skin contact. She merely ghosted her hands over Quinn. "We can get through this Quinn, but you have to give me space ok?"

Quinn just nodded before steeling herself and walked out of the room purposefully, it wasn't until she was behind the door of her room did she let the tears slide down her face onto the carpet.

...

The four girls were sat around the table, awkward tension hung in the air. "Is anyone going to speak?" cut in Rachel abrasively. Santana narrowed her eyes at the younger girl.

"Brittany and I have made a decision; all of us are going to therapy."

"What?" exclaimed Quinn standing angrily, "no way, no chance in hell."

"It wasn't posed as a question Quinn," replied Brittany. "We are all going."

Quinn started stuttering in anger, while Rachel kept her eyes trained on the floor. Quinn crossed her arms across her chest, "you can't make me."

"Very mature Quinn! Petulant child much! And you'll find we can make you," said Santana in a surprisingly calm and controlled voice.

Quinn just scowled at the older girl; she shoved her chair back enjoying the scraping noise it made, as it moved against the floor. Brittany reached over and grabbed Quinn's wrist tightly. "Calm down Quinn, right now. If you can give me one good valid reason as to why we shouldn't try therapy, then we won't do it."

Quinn stared at the other blonde girl, "because... we don't need it."

Brittany looked at the naive girl in the eye, "if you looked in your heart of hearts you would know that's not true, you have so much going on in your head Quinn, and we are not the right people to deal with this. We just don't know how Quinn, we are only 18."

"We don't need anybody else Brittany, you're always saying we have to stick together."

"We are sticking together Quinn; we are going therapy together as a family. You need to talk about your family Quinn."

"Why do I? What would talking about it do? What is the benefit? Making me feel like shit?"

"If you don't talk about it Quinn, it will bury you whole."

"I've been fine so far," replied Quinn haughtily.

"That's because you are the queen of repression Quinn, heaven forbid you show human emotion. Your family fucked you Quinn, accept that. God I was glad to say you angry, part of me was glad to see you break down because you needed that release. Sometimes you need to cry about it."

"Shut up Brittany!"

"She's just telling the truth," cut in Santana, who had been listening in quite interest.

"No... maybe I deserve to feel like shit, maybe I deserve to be unhappy ever think of that geniuses," said Quinn angrily.

Brittany looked at the girl sadly, and opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Quinn continuing her diatribe, "don't give me that patronising look, like oh poor Quinn. She had a terrible childhood. They say that about serial killers, it doesn't make their actions ok. No-one goes, oh poor serial killer abused by their daddy."

"But Quinn, you're not a serial killer," cut in Santana.

"What if I was a rapist?" questioned Quinn quietly. It was so quiet Brittany and Santana had to strain to hear it, but Rachel heard the words as clear as a bell.

"I think we all need to calm down, and talk about this later," said Rachel breaking the tension.

"No, I want to know what Quinn meant?" questioned Santana curiously.

"No I think Rachel is right San, let's leave it there," said Brittany. The two older girls watched as the younger two left the room, they couldn't help but feel that the conversation hadn't changed a thing.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Hello People... ok short update, because I felt bad. Sorry it's been so long but my life has literally gone down the toilet. It's like someone is enjoying trying to fuck with my life in as many fantastical ways as possible. Thank you for all the reviews I've had, you are so supportive to a complete stranger on fan-fiction! Anyway please review it brightens my day considerably, and I would like to see what you think of this chapter it was quite difficult to write. On with the show...

Santana sighed heavily, she was fed up. Drama, drama, drama. It was one thing after another after another. She ran her hand through her hair in an act of self-soothing comfort. School was starting up again soon, which meant a whole bunch of issues which she honestly did not want to deal with. She was distracted from her thoughts by a knock at the door; Santana meandered over, and opened the door rather sluggishly.

"Mr Schue, hey."

"For the last time Santana call me Will outside of school."

"What's up?" asked Santana, opening the door wider to beckon the older man in. Mr Schue's smile fell to be replaced by a pained grimace. "I have some news I thought you would want to be privy to."

Santana cocked her eyebrow in interest; she led Mr Schue to the kitchen and clicked the kettle on, and took a seat at the table. Will followed her lead, and took the seating as a cue to continue the conversation. "It's about Shelby." Santana's expression darkened at that name leaving Mr Schue's lips. "What about her?" asked Santana, her voice holding a cold steel to it.

"She's joining the McKinley staff as the new music teacher." Santana felt as if her whole body had been dipped in ice. "What am I going to do Will? She's working her way insidiously into Rachel's life and I feel powerless to stop her."

"Maybe you should tell Rachel the truth?"

Santana shook her head, "no Rachel couldn't handle it right now."

"Don't underestimate her Santana."

"I'm not underestimating her Will. She's my little sister; she's a kid who has lost her parents. I want to protect her."

Will shook his head slowly at her, "being a parent San, doesn't just mean protecting them, you have to nurture them, educate them to be able to make the right choices. If you just blindly protect them, they never learn to stand on their own two feet."

"She's 15 Will, she needs protecting. She's at the age when she thinks she's all grown up but she's not," replied Santana reverently.

"I agree with you Santana," replied Will standing up and walking over to the kitchen, pouring the kettle to make two coffees. "You are just walking a fine line, parent/sister, and it's only going to get harder when you start back at school. Don't spread yourself too thin, remember you are young too. Don't forget to live your own life too, and remember I'm here to help if you ever need me."

Santana took a mug from Will's offering hand, "I know you are Will, but it's not your problem."

"Santana," will replied firmly, "I made it my problem; I'm involved because I want to be Santana. No other reason."

Santana gave a little smile, "I don't know what I did to deserve your help."

Will reached over and grabbed the girl into a one armed hug, choosing not to respond to Santana's last statement. Santana pulled away from the hug reluctantly, "so what should I do about Shelby?"

"If you want my honest opinion, I think you need to tell Rachel who she is."

"but what if she wants to live with her?" I can't lose her."

"Santana have some faith in Rachel, and have some trust in your bond."

"But Shelby is her real mom; I'm not her real sister."

Will smiled weakly at her, "the amount of times I've heard your family is not blood rant, never thought I would hear you say that."

Santana blushed slightly at that comment, "insecurities run deep," was her only response.

...

Rachel tossed and turned in her bed, cold sweat covered her body. She was wrapped up and caught in her bed sheets. The images flashed through her mind, her brow furrowed in pain. Rachel woke up suddenly, her eyes snapping open. She squirmed uncomfortably, and noticed the wetness between her legs. Tears formed in her eyes as the realisation dawned on her. She had wet herself like a 5 year old. Shame filled her to the core; she untangled herself from the sheets, standing up quickly she began stripping her bed down. Rachel switched her bedside lamp on, starring at the damp spot on her mattress with disdain. She quickly and efficiently turned her mattress over to try and hide the damp spot, only to be met with a similar stain on the other side. She moaned to herself, slapping her hand against the mattress in exasperation. This shouldn't still be happening; she should be over this by now. Rachel started sobbing quietly to herself, oblivious to her bedroom door open.

"Its 4am Rach..." the voice cut off when she took in the sight in front of her. Rachel lifted her head to the door, humiliation showing in every pore of her face.

"Oh Rach, come on let's clean you up, I'll finish your bed, you go get cleaned up."

Rachel nodded silently, and ventured to the bathroom; she returned to the room clean and changed into fresh PJ's to the girl sat on her now freshly changed bed. She tapped the space next to her in a comforting and beckoning way. Rachel sat down in the space and instantly leaned her head against the girl's shoulder. Letting her fingers run through her hairs, in a comforting manner.

"Has this happened before Rach?"

Rachel nodded in response, "only a couple of times."

"Well, what causes it? Is it a recurring nightmare?"

Rachel stiffened in her arms. "Don't shut me out Rachel."

"It's my dads," Rachel answered simply.

"Well what about it?"

Rachel took a deep breath, "you can't tell Santana."

"I can't promise that Rachel."

"Then I can't tell you," Rachel replied instantly.

"Rachel, you need to talk to us." Rachel took another deep breath, "Daddy didn't die on impact."

"What do you mean?"

"He was alive after the crash."

"I thought they both died instantly?"

Rachel shook her head slowly, "he was still alive." The other girl's face changed in realisation. "You watched him die." It came out as more of a statement than an actual question. Rachel stared at the wall, "it's not like the movies you know, and there are no sad final last words. No dramatic hand holding, or fake promises to live a full life." The other girl just nodded, not saying a word, allowing Rachel to express all her thoughts and feelings into words. "There's just gasping, he was struggling to breath, his body was trying to force the oxygen into his body to keep his heart pumping."

"Does making it scientific make it easier for you?"

Rachel balked at that, "it's a fact, and it's what happened. His body was shutting down, so his lungs were trying in those last desperate moments to delay the inevitable."

"You researched this didn't you?"

"I just wanted to understand better what I had seen," replied Rachel succinctly.

"Yes, but what did you feel Rachel?"

"I don't see why that's important; I explained what happened, and what my subsequent nightmares have been about," Rachel answered in a biting tone.

"It matters because it's not the science your having nightmares about, it's the watching your daddy die bit."

"How I feel doesn't change anything, fear, guilt, anger, it's all the same, they all merge into one messy emotion. You want me to explain to you how I felt watching my daddy die? What do you expect me to say? It was sad. I cried. Give me a hug and make it all better. After you give me a comforting hug and pat me on the back saying everything's going to be ok, it will be? That I won't see my daddy's face every time I close my eyes. Do you know what that's like seeing someone die? It's the most natural thing in the world apparently but it looks so unnatural. That moment when they go, you can see the light vanish from their eyes as cliché as it is." Rachel ranted her way through her speech, and stood up pacing the room. "The sound he made when he took that last breath will haunt me for the rest of my life, and don't you dare say something like, you were lucky you were there, or he would have wanted you to be there, because it's bullshit. This sociological crap of wanting to be near someone when they die, it's just for people who fear death. I don't fear death, I've seen it, and I wish I hadn't." Rachel started gasping for breath, as she forget to breathe evenly between sentences.

"Are you finished?"

Rachel nodded quietly, not even noticing the tears that were streaming down her face.

"Feel better?"

Rachel looked taken aback at the question, but now she thought about it, her shoulder felt looser, like she was no longer carrying the weight of the world, the guilt that was coiled up in her stomach had lessened, it was still their throbbing slightly, but it had abated.

"Yes," she replied in a surprised tone.

"I'm glad you've finally talked about it Rachel, even if it is at 4am,"

Rachel giggled slightly at that, and sat down in the other girl's lap. She felt warm arms wrap around her body, "you need to tell Santana?"

"What tell Santana that her father suffered before he died, I don't think she needs to know that?"

"No, you need to tell her what you saw. No 15 year old should see that or cope with it alone. She's your big sister."

"I want to protect her from it."

"Sometimes you shouldn't protect people Rach, the truth always outs. You guys are so busy trying to protect each other from hurting, you are hurting yourselves."

"I never thought about it that way," replied Rachel.

"God, are you sure you and Santana aren't biologically related you are so similar it's ridiculous?"

Rachel giggled slightly at that. "Ok get into bed, do you think you'll stay nightmare free for the rest of the night?"

"Yeah I'll be fine now," the other girl nodded and retreated out of the room.

"Thank you," stated Rachel in a strong voice.

"You're welcome." Rachel watched her bedroom door close and snuggled into the fresh linen on her bed, and allowed to sleep wash over her.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Yes it's short... yes it's crap. But this is a belated birthday present for beaner... you send me food i can't even send you a birthday card... i know i suck... but i have no money...

I'm not overly happy with this i just wanted to update. I really need some inspiration. So please review just as a way to keep me going to be honest!

Anyway hope you like.

Santana sat up in bed, waiting for the blonde to return. When the door quietly opened, Santana immediately turned her head to the blonde.

"Is she ok?"

"She's going to be fine Santana."

"Did she finally talk about it?"

"Yeah it's like you thought San, she saw it."

Santana shook her head sadly, "I wish she would talk to me about it."

"She will San she's just a stubborn girl, like you. She also has a martyr complex like you. you have to try and save the whole world."

Santana chuckled quietly, "I want to protect the people I love."

Brittany smiled, "that's admirable, but at the end of the day you can't be there every minute of every day. You can only trust and hope that you and your dads have taught Rachel right and wrong, and can make decisions on her own."

"You are so much better at this than me Brit," replied Santana weakly.

"No we are a team San," answered Brittany cupping the Latina's cheek in her hand. "Between us we are perfect."

"I love that you want to be in a team with me," said Santana.

"There's no better team to be on than one with Santana Lopez-Berry."

Santana just smiled and snuggled down into Brittany's embrace, and placed a chaste kiss on Brittany's lips, before closing her eyes and falling asleep to the comforting noise of Brittany's heart beats.

...

Rachel woke up to the sun warming her face; her body was curled up into foetal position. The memory of the conversation last night flooded back into her brain. She somehow doubted that the conversation she had would not come back in some way to bite her in the backside. She was distracted from her thoughts by a light tapping on the door. Rachel sighed heavily, "Come in."

Quinn slowly entered the room, Rachel looked up in surprise, "You were not the blonde I was expecting."

Quinn stayed close to the door, glancing awkwardly at the space around her. Rachel sat up in her bed and beckoned the blonde over. Quinn shut the door and lowered herself gently onto the bed. Rachel buried herself into Quinn's body taking in the familiar scent of the girl. It was a smell she couldn't describe she just knew it was Quinn and Quinn alone. Quinn knew better than to question Rachel's behaviour, and just accepted the affection she was receiving. "I understand," whispered Rachel. Quinn in response just dropped a kiss onto the brunette's forehead.

"I understand, the guilt, the confusion, the need for answers nobody can give you. But I understand now there are no answers. You have to find the answer yourself."

Quinn turned her head, "this is far too profound for the last Sunday morning of the summer holidays."

Rachel giggled slightly at that, "I have my moments." The two girls took to both basking in each other's company.

Quinn nodded slowly, "I want to be with you Rachel."

"I know," responded Rachel simply with a sigh, "I don't even know if I'm gay Quinn."

"Can't you just be gay for me?" asked Quinn quietly, "why must you put a label on it?"

"I have to put a label on it Quinn, because people demand I put a label on myself. Conformity is a necessity of life," responded Rachel.

"That's not you Rachel; you are going to take Broadway by not conforming, by being you. Amazing beautiful you."

"No you get somewhere by playing the game. You know that and I know that, it's who you know, not what you know."

"Don't you think you are being far too cynical for 15 years old?" replied Quinn.

"You are calling me cynical?" answered Rachel with one eyebrow comically raised.

"Not even Santana is as cynical as you are being right now."

"The bubble's burst Quinn, I've seen the world, and I've seen death."

Quinn pulled the girl tighter into her body. "Just because you've seen death doesn't mean you have seen the world. There are many beautiful things out there as well as terrible. But death isn't the great evil Rach. It just it."

Rachel disentangled herself from the girl, "how can you say death isn't evil?"

"It's not evil Rachel it's a blessing."

Rachel scoffed and looked at the other girl scornfully, "you clearly have no idea what death is?"

"And neither do you," answered Quinn instantly. "You need to learn to accept death for what it is Rach, inevitable and necessary."

"You're talking about it like it's a concept, it's not. It's personal."

"Death isn't personal Rach, the effect of it is."

"Now who is being all profound," bit back Rachel.

"Rachel I love you. I love Broadway singing Rachel, I love Argyle sweater Rachel, but you are letting your past define you, now the Rachel berry I know doesn't let anything define her because she is who she is, the whole world be damned."

"You are lecturing me on the past, miss secret family drama."

"I am keeping my past in the past there is no place for it in the now. You are my now. Brittany and Santana are my now."

"Your past informs you of who you are, you can't run from it, or hide from it," said Rachel, "I'm embracing that."

Quinn looked at her with her patented HBIC look, "maybe you are right about not being able to hide from your past, but what are you doing Rachel?"

Rachel stared into Quinn's eyes, "does this dramatic spiral of guilt you seem to be enjoying change anything? Does it bring your dads' back? Does it help Santana deal with anything? Are you benefiting in the slightest?"

"It's not about benefit," said Rachel quickly interrupting Quinn's diatribe.

"Then what is it about Rachel?"

"It's about nothing! It's about knowing nothing! I don't understand, I don't understand any of it. Who decides who lives and who dies? Who decides you are gay?"

"You are 15 Rachel! Stop worrying about this shit, worry about being a teenager, worry about homework. For fuck sake Rachel you are driving yourself insane! One minute you understand the next minute you don't!"

Rachel stood up abruptly, "shut the fuck up Quinn, stop acting like you know me, you don't know me."

Quinn jumped up as well, forcing herself into Rachel's personal space, "see now that sounded like a fucking teenager."

Quinn glared into Rachel's face, she was red form her anger, she could see beads of sweat on her brow, the tension showed through her whole body. Her muscles contracting in anger. Quinn stepped closer she could feel Rachel's erratic breathing on her face, mirrored by her own gasping. She closed the gap between them, and attacked Rachel with her lips. Rachel responded to the kiss in earnest passionately biting and nipping the blonde's bottom lip. Quinn groaned into Rachel's mouth, in response Rachel pushed the blonde down onto the bed and started pawing at her breasts, roughly fondling them with her palms. Quinn arched her back pushing her breasts further into Rachel's hands. "I love you Rachel," Quinn whimpered those words into Rachel's mouth, the vibrations is created sent tingles through her lip, the words sent tingles through her body. Rachel responded in full by pulling the girl tighter into her body. They were lost in the moment their touches setting each other on fire.

"I think we may need a bucket of water?"

Santana's voice broke through the room causing the two girls to both freeze in their endeavours. Rachel ran her hands through her hairs in an effort to make herself look presentable. Quinn turned her head to the door taking in the sight of the two older girls stood in the doorway, who looked stuck between shock and amusement. "Er... Quinn do you fancy removing your hand from my baby sister's breast?" Quinn glanced down at her hand shocked that it was cupping the brunettes' right breast; she didn't even remember putting it there. Quinn pulled her hand away sheepishly, blushing in embarrassment. "As much fun as this Pg-13 show has been guys, we need to head out. Remember school tomorrow, back to school shopping required," stated Santana. "The quicker we shop the quicker we can get our breadsticks on."

"I will never understand your obsession with breadsticks San, ever," said Rachel disentangling herself from Quinn, standing up to greet her sister.

"I will never understand your obsession with Broadway," replied Santana with a smirk. Rachel walked into Santana's arms burying her head into the older girl's shoulder. Santana responded by tightening her grip around the smaller girl, obviously enjoying the affection that before recently used to be given so freely.

"Come on let's go I'm in desperate need for a new wardrobe, though you guys might want to shower first..." said Rachel taking an experimental whiff of Rachel's hair.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33.

Holy Crap... an update within a day...I know don't have a heart attack! Thanks for the lovely reviews! Also Rachel hasn't forgiven Quinn don't worry I'm more insidious than that. It's short again, but they'll be starting school again after this chapter... which means Shelby fun. Wanted something a bit lighter till that point.

Also I appreciate all the care you show towards me about my life being in the toilet. There's something oddly comforting about complete strangers showing compassion!

Anyway enjoy.

...

Quinn stood in the middle of the mall, staring into the fountain. She found herself aimlessly counting the coins that numerous children had thrown in, wondering if their wishes had come true. She couldn't remember feeling that hopeful and innocent. Quinn knew at some point she must have felt it, but it seemed so long ago. The more she thought about it the more it confused her. At some point she would have to have been young, naive, innocent. She was sure she had thrown a cent in the fountain, but she couldn't remember when or why. She sighed to herself loudly.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"There not worth that," replied Quinn. She turned around to face the voice that was questioning her.

"Your thoughts are worth more than all the money in the world as they are yours and yours alone."

Quinn just grimaced, "just for one day can we please stop discussing the way of the universe and the complexities of the human psyche."

Brittany laughed, "Yeah sure Quinn, we need to go find Rachel anyway. I really think we should attach a bell to her so we can hear her when she wanders off."

"Just go check the music shop; she always seems to gravitate towards it."

Brittany snorted and wrapped her arm around the smaller girl's shoulders, and started guiding her back towards the shops.

"Where's Santana got to anyway?"

"She's waiting in line at the food court, she instructed me to find you two wandering toddlers then

Meet her."

"I resent the wandering toddler remark,"

"Really, I would say you resemble it."

Quinn just mock glared at her, "I think I preferred you, when you pretended to be a dumb blonde."

Brittany laughed out loud at that.

...

"You are clearly insane! Either that or just lacking any sort of education or knowledge on the matter."

Brittany's ears pricked when she heard the diva rant.

"Who needs a bell when you can hear a Rachel berry rant within in a 5km radius."

Quinn just smirked at the blonde, "very true, she is one of a kind."

The two blondes entered the music shop heading towards the sound of the disgruntled voice. Rachel was stood with her hands on her hips glaring at the shop owner. "Rachel down girl," joked Brittany.

Rachel whipped her head around to the two blondes, "you won't believe what this ignoramus is saying! Trying to tell me that grease is better than funny girl."

The guy just shrugged his shoulders, "all I said was that Olivia Newton John was hot back in the day." He clearly wanted to just escape the melodramatic tiny girl.

"Come on Rachel; leave the poor boy alone we need to go meet San."

"Fine," replied Rachel crossing her arms, "but I will be back someone needs to educate him, about the ways of true musicals."

"Rachel, Music is down to personal preference, need I remind you of some of your questionable musical tastes when you were a child..."

Rachel blushed lightly, and stamped her foot in a slightly petulant fashion. "You are so frustrating Brittany S. Pierce. You should not be allowed to black mail me."

"Rach, I have photos of you brandishing a plastic sword in your underpants when you went through you power rangers stage."

Brittany winked playfully at the Sales assistant.

"You are mean Britt."

Quinn playfully raised her hand in the air, "can I see those photos?"

Rachel stood up straight obviously trying to regain some of her battered dignity. "Fine let's leave, as I'm sure Santana would not want us to be delayed anymore."

Rachel strode out of the store confidently, Brittany and Quinn following behind her.

"I would call you mean, but that was too funny," whispered Quinn in Brittany's ears. The two girls linked arms and walked faster to attempt to catch the disgruntled diva.

The girls spotted Santana sat at a table, "hey you guys took your sweet time?"

"Yeah sorry Rachel was too busy accosting a poor sales assistant at the music shop."

Rachel cut in, "I wasn't accosting a sales assistant, and I was educating him."

"Yes, but calling someone ignoramus, generally not educating," replied Brittany. Rachel scowled at the girl. Santana just smirked enjoying the comradely between the girls and the joyful banter.

"It was going fine until Brittany decided to embarrass me!"

Santana looked at Brittany knowingly, "the power rangers pants photo?"

Rachel scowled and lowered herself further into her chair, so her head was just peeking over the top.

Quinn chortled excitingly, "I need to see this photo!"

"No you don't!" replied Rachel.

"Rachel's right... You need to see the video."

Brittany stood up sharply, throwing her hands in front of her, "Go Go Power Rangers!"

Rachel covered her face with her hands, "I hate you sometimes."

Quinn just laughed while Santana hid her laughter behind a giant smirk.

"Can we stop picking on me now?"

"Rachel... You will always be the baby, embrace it. You could be 60 and we would still refer to the power ranger's pants photo.

"Surely you will just be bored by then?"

Santana and Brittany turned to each other, and looked pensive, "...Nah."

Rachel just looked at the pair scornfully, "fine."

Quinn decided to change the topic, "so School tomorrow, how do you think it will be?"

Santana looked ahead, "I think it will be interesting."

Quinn blushed lightly, "guys, how will it work? Like I mean I get a detention and I have to have a guardian sign it. Is that you guys?"

"That's me. But you have never got into trouble Quinn, that's more for Rachel."

"Hey!" moaned Rachel, breaking the awkward tension that was building.

"Quinn, your teachers will never discuss anything with me at school, if they want to discuss anything they will do it through the proper channels. As in a letter home and usually Will would be involved as well."

"Oh Ok,"

"Why are you asking this Quinn? Planning on getting in trouble?" queried Brittany.

"No, I just want to know, we never really got to discuss any of this last year it was all a bit crazy."

The four girls turned slightly sullen at that as if they suddenly remembered why they were in this scenario.

Quinn broke the silence again, "You wouldn't have a go at me at school would you guys?"

"No," replied Santana shaking her head.

"But you have a go at me," cut in Rachel.

"You're different," replied Santana instantly. Rachel crossed her arms again in another sign of childlike petulance.

"Quinn at school we are equals, we are going to be cheerio's again, and in glee together. Family and school are different. I mean there will be some overlap, but we'll all try hard to keep the separate. We all need some time and space to ourselves. School can be that escape."

"That makes perfect sense," said Quinn.

"Hey it's just realistic, we would drive each other crazy otherwise," joked Santana.

"Er... excuse me..." interrupted Rachel, "shouldn't I get the same?"

Brittany turned to the younger girl, "No."

"But why?"

"Because you have always had to answer to Santana and to some extent myself. Quinn hasn't."

"Great so because I'm the 'baby,' I get trusted less."

"Rachel can we please go one day without arguing," said Santana exasperatedly.

Rachel shot up in her seat upright, "fine, when's the food coming anyway?"

Santana ran her hand through her hair in frustration, at the behaviour of her bi-polar baby sister. "It should be here soon. Have you guys got everything you need for school tomorrow?"

"Yeah"

"Yes"

Rachel just nodded, "can I have the credit card though I want to buy some music sheets."

"What music sheets?" asked Santana.

"Just some stuff for glee."

"How much?"

Rachel just sighed, "Not a lot, can I have the credit card please."

Santana narrowed her eyes at the girl, "sorry Rachel but I need to know how much, we have to keep an eye on the money."

"We have plenty of money Santana, trust funds remember."

"It doesn't mean we can waste it, and you don't have access to yours yet. I don't even have full access yet."

Rachel sighed, "Daddy would have let me buy the music."

Brittany could sense the tension starting to rise again. "Rachel we'll go to the music shop all together after food."

Rachel nodded slightly in compromise, Santana was relieved that the situation had been diffused again by Brittany.

The situation was also diffused by the arrival of the food, the action of eating giving all the girls an excuse to not have to speak to each other.

...


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Short chapter again sorry, I wrote this after being inspired by glee live... it was pretty good, even if Naya pulled a sicky...lame ass.

Anywho hope you enjoy, and please review if you like it! Or if you don't! I get confused if I don't get at least one abusive message/review. It's become my security blanket.

Rachel strode up to her locker, placing her new books neatly and alphabetically onto the shelves. She glanced down the hallway and saw the rest of her dysfunctional family dressed in their cheerio uniforms and sauntering down the hallway. Rachel sighed to herself and shut her locker, New Year, same old.

"Hey Rach,"

Rachel turned her head to meet Finn's happy face.

"Hey Finn,"

"You looking forward to Glee?"

"Of course I am Finn, you heading to Spanish?"

The taller boy just nodded, and linked arms with Rachel playfully escorting her down the corridor.

...

Quinn glared at the couple, as she watched them walk towards the classroom.

"Jealous much Q?" joked Brittany.

"Yeah careful Q your lesbian is showing..." added Santana.

"Shut it you two," grumbled Quinn. The two older girls just laughed, and linked arms with the smaller girl between them.

...

"Welcome to the first glee of the year!" said Mr Schue excitedly. The group all clapped in approval.

"Does anyone have anything they want to sing for us?"

All faces turned to Rachel expectantly, she just shrugged at them, "I had my singing dreams crushed over the summer, and I no longer have the impetuous to perform."

Brittany glanced over and saw the anger building on Santana's face. Mr Schue sensed the tension between the girls, and decided to deflect, "Mercedes, I'm sure you have something."

She smiled with a nod and strode towards the piano.

Santana leant over to Rachel and lightly pinched the girl's hip and whispered into her ear, "stop it Rachel... everyone's happy to be back, and don't ruin it with your pettiness."

Rachel turned her head sharply at the Latina; she stood up in the middle of Mercede's song and stormed out of the Choir room. Puck turned to Artie, "who had the bet at 5 minutes?"

Tina raised her hand sheepishly, as Puck turned the money over muttering to himself wondering why Rachel couldn't have waited another 5 minutes.

...

Rachel stormed down the corridor; she didn't really know where she was going she just wanted to get away from Santana. She didn't know why she hated her so much at the moment. Her eyes were trained on the floor, as she angrily shuffled down the hallway. In the heat of the moment she rushed headlong into a figure that was balancing sheet music. Rachel watched in horror as the plethora of music floated and cascaded to the floor. She finally snapped her eyes up to meet the surprised face of Miss Corcoran.

"I'm so sorry! It was an accident."

"It's ok Rachel; I was just taking these to Will for your glee club." Rachel's eyes lit up in exciting,

"Are you going to co-direct glee?"

"No I'm afraid not Rachel, Will would rather do it on his own,"

Rachel crossed her arms and pursed her lips, "that is ridiculous! Why would he hamper the glee club like that, we could learn from your levels of expertise, your influence was vital for me over the summer. I could have been widely successful if not for an over-zealous stifling older sister." Rachel finished the sentence spitting out the final sentiment. Shelby smiled at the over-dramatic girl, "I would happily give you lessons again, well as long as Santana agreed."

Rachel's smile spread to her eyes at the news, "you would? That would be amazing miss Corcoran."

Shelby was smiling too, finding Rachel's smile contagious, "but only if Santana agrees," she gently reminded.

Rachel scowled at that, "I want to do it."

"And you can," agreed Shelby, "If you get a signed permission slip, and a real one this time. I did not really appreciate the angry Latina round my house."

Rachel furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, "Santana met with you?"

Shelby in that instant realised she had potentially put her foot in it. "It's not important now; anyway shouldn't you be in glee?"

"Yes she should be in glee," another voice interrupted. Rachel turned her head to face the voice. Brittany was stood there with her hands on her hips glaring at the pair of them.

"Rachel you need to go back to glee and apologise for that ridiculously immature storm out," continued Brittany.

"I was making a point!"

"What point was that?" questioned Brittany with an eyebrow raised.

Rachel squirmed slightly under the glare, "My talent..."

Brittany crossed her arms and continued to glare at the girl, "Choir room now and you better apologise, especially to Mercedes for interrupting her performance. Santana is waiting for you, and she will tell me if you apology is in anyway lacking sincerity. I assure you if it does, I will make you a very sorry little girl later."

Rachel embarrassed at being so publicly chastised in front of Shelby, gave a meek goodbye, before heading back in the direction she came. Brittany turned her attention to Shelby.

"You need to back off Shelby."

Shelby held her hands up in mock defeat, "listen Brittany, I'm here to try and help."

"We do not need your help, do you have any idea how much your presence is stressing Santana out? She doesn't need any extra stress."

"I'm not trying to create stress Brittany, I'm not going to try take Rachel away, I just want to be able to help you all out. You are too young to be taking all this stuff on. What about college? Don't you and Santana want to go to college, be a young couple in love? I can help you have the best of both worlds. I'm not trying to usurp you; i just want to be another person you can turn to. If I can use that as an opportunity to connect with Rachel is that really a bad thing?"

Brittany looked thoughtfully at the woman during her impassioned speech. "Meet me and Santana tonight 6 at Starbucks we will discuss it, but no promises and Santana's word is final."

Shelby nodded in agreement, "thank you Brittany." Brittany turned with a flourish and headed back to glee. She entered the room just as a contrite Rachel sat down, having obviously given an apology to the bemusement and shock of the rest of the glee club.

...

Santana sat in the kitchen across from Brittany, "so we are meeting her at 6?"

"Yes," replied Brittany, "I really think we should hear her out San, with guidelines she could be a real help and you know it."

"It's just giving up control Britt; you know I don't like it." Brittany leant over and kissed Santana lightly on the lips.

"i know you don't, you barely even let me top you," Brittany joked. Santana smirked at that, but decided to ignore it.

"Baby sitter?" questioned Santana.

"No we will only be gone for like an hour, it might be good to give Rachel some trust back, she's feeling a bit smothered."

Santana nodded her head. "My ears are burning," cut in Rachel entering the kitchen, grabbing a banana out of the fruit bowl. She went and sat between the two girls, peeling the fruit quickly. Brittany took it out of her hands, kissed her on the cheek and got up to put it in the fridge.

"Hey..."

Brittany interrupted her moan, "dinner is ready in 10 minutes."

"What are we having?" questioned Rachel.

"Mexican," replied Santana. Rachel wrinkled her nose, "you are going to eat poor defenceless chickens."

Santana rolled her eyes, "are you still on this vegetarian kick?"

"Vegan," replied Rachel.

"You are not a vegan, we have been over this, if you want to be a vegan I want you to explain and show me how you will get all the nutrients you need."

Rachel rolled her eyes in return, "I have created you a power point before..."

"No you created a PowerPoint explaining how fruit and vegetables are all that are required..."

Brittany turned from her position at the stove where she was stirring the concoction, smiling at the banter. Rachel just shrugged, "numerous celebrities live happy successful life's as vegans."

"Yes and they have money to burn on an expensive lifestyle. When you are a famous Broadway star you can vegan it up to your heart's content, until then you are gonna dairy it up."

Rachel continued to scowl at her sister.

"Don't look at me like that, I'm not being evil, I just want you healthy, look I'm compromising by buying free-range/organic food."

"It's not good enough," replied Rachel. Brittany picked a wooden spoon up off the side, and playfully swatted Rachel with it.

"Enough you when your older you can join the peace corp. or fight for dairy rights, but for now just go get Quinn and set the table."

Rachel scurried out of the room shouting, "Quinn your animal carcasses are ready..."

Brittany and Santana just smirked at the melodramatic girl. "That is what happens when two gay men raise a baby... All drama."

...

Santana was sat nervously next to Brittany. Brittany placed her hand on Santana's thigh in a reassuring comforting way.

"Relax San."

They both glanced at the sound of the door opening; Shelby wondered over to the two girls and sat opposite them.

"Thanks for agreeing to meet me,"

Santana just nodded her head, and crossed her arms in a defensive/aggressive stance. Shelby took a deep breath.

"I want to help Santana."

"How do you think you can help?"

"I want to help you in any way you want me to help, I'm not going to barge in and take control. You are in charge Santana, and I will respect that. You will always have the deciding vote, and i will never undermine you. i just want to be involved in Rachel's life."

Santana nodded, "if you want financial help."

Santana snarled slightly, "we don't need your money."

"I didn't mean to offend," replied Shelby.

Brittany decided to play mediator, "Shelby could help San, she's just another person to turn to, and it would allow us some freedom to date more, be a couple instead of a family. It can't hurt to give Rachel another person to turn too."

Santana took a deep breath and stared at Shelby, "ok here's the deal, consider yourself in the aunt role, you can help out, but you have no real power."

"I will accept that deal, if we tell Rachel who I really am."

"No way," replied Santana, leaning back into her chair. "She's an angsty teenager right now; I don't need to completely blow her foundations away."

"Santana she deserves to know. Knowing me won't make you any less family."

"You think that's what I'm worrying about, you are completely off base Shelby," argued Santana.

"She deserves to know Santana, would you not want to know if you were in her shoes..."

Santana took a massive gulp of her coffee.

...

Santana walked tiredly into their living room, she glanced over to the sofa. Rachel was snuggled into Quinn; a bowl of popcorn was balanced precariously between them. Quinn turned her head to Santana,

"Are you ok San?"

Santana shook her head, "can you wake Rachel up?"

Quinn prodded the smaller girl gently, "Rach,"

Rachel slowly came around, "what's going on?" she questioned sleepily.

"I have someone you need to meet."

Rachel perked up at that, "Who? What?"

Santana took a deep breath, "it's your mom."

Shelby stepped into the living room.

"Shelby?"

...


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35.- only a teaser chapter! I need some inspiration so i thought i would post this little teaser! That, and i have moved home with my homophobic, controlling parents, so spiralling depression is imminent.

Quinn just sat in her room, her hands cradling her head trying to understand, to fathom what had occurred in the last 12 hours. An exhausted Brittany walked into the room, "Quinn please get into bed."

Quinn's head shot up her bloodshot eyes meeting the sight of Brittany's identically coloured eyes. "You expect me to sleep?"

Brittany shook her head, "no I expect you to try." Quinn clicked her tongue against the roof of mouth in indignation.

"You expect me to just lay here?" Brittany fought through her exhaustion and put up her authoritarian facade.

"Bed now Quinn,"

"It's 10am,"

"Yes and you have been up all night," replied Brittany. "Just rest please."

"You're not," grumbled Quinn.

"Quinn! I just need to know you are safe in your bed right now."

Quinn stared at the taller blonde and saw the abject misery in her face; she stood up and hugged Brittany. She rested her head in the crook between Brittany's neck and shoulder. Quinn continued to speak her words mumbled Brittany's skin, "Do you think she's ok?"

Brittany sighed heavily, "she's head strong and stubborn those traits can both deliver her from trouble and get her deeper into it."

Quinn nodded at the honest answer. She reluctantly pulled away from the older girl, and pulled back her duvet and settled into her bed. "Thanks Quinn," whispered Brittany, leaning over to kiss the girl on the forehead. "You'll get me if there is any news right?"

"Of course," replied Brittany who was now by the window pulling the curtains close, attempting to the block the light out.

"This is all your fucking fault!" a sharp bang of metal followed by the crash of glass shattering. Brittany sighed to herself as she watched the blonde girl wince at the sound.

"Stay up here Quinn, and do not come downstairs," came the succinct response from Brittany, her tone leaving no room for compromise.

...

Brittany followed the sound of swearing and the sound of crashing into the kitchen. "Santana!"

The younger girl was glaring across the room at Shelby. "Santana," repeated Brittany, "calm down, this is not helping anyone."

"If she had just stayed away..." continued Santana. Though no-one in the room was really sure who she was saying that too.

"You're scaring Quinn," stated Brittany matter of fact. Santana openly deflated at that, Brittany grabbed the Latina girl in an hug, sending an apologetic look over her shoulder at Shelby; who appeared to have had half the kitchen thrown at her with the matching bruises to prove the point.

Shelby interrupted the tender moment, "we have the rest of glee searching for her as well as Will."

Brittany nodded in understanding, "I'll stay here with Quinn and to wait here in case Rachel comes back here."

"I'll go out searching again, Santana are you coming with me?"

Santana looked up in shock at how nice Shelby was being considered she had just basically assaulted the older woman. She simply nodded and stood up readying herself to leave. They were all running on pure shock and adrenalin. Brittany wasn't sure how she expected Rachel to react, but she didn't even anticipate the reaction that Rachel portrayed.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36.

Yo consider this chapter 35 part 2, I just don't like chapters to be out of order. Thanks for all the reviews as well as the comments of personal support always grateful! It's nice to know other people know how it is! Anyway hope you enjoy!

Santana was staring out of the window of the car as Shelby slowly trawled the streets of Lima, Ohio. Shelby turned carefully to the younger woman. "You know there isn't a magic switch?"

Shelby's voice shook Santana from her concentrated glances, "what do you mean?"

"When you turn 18, you don't flip a switch and instantly become an adult."

Shelby pulled the car over and killed the engine. "Santana..." she turned to look at her, she could see the silent tears streaking down her face onto her hands that she was holding tightly together.

"Oh... Santana, come here," beckoned Shelby.

Santana threw herself into Shelby's arms sobbing loudly. Shelby rubbed the girl comforting the girl. After a few minutes Santana seemed to snap out of it, she quickly jolted away and wiped the remaining tears away hurriedly. "Sorry Shelby I don't know what came over me." She went back to starring out of the window.

"Santana, don't do that. Don't say sorry for that."

"I'm not a child Shelby."

"I know you're not, just because you are an adult doesn't mean you don't still want a parent."

"You are not my mother Shelby, you are barely even Rachel's and you gave birth to her," responded Santana in her usual bitter aggressive way.

"But I want to be Santana, I'm not just here for Rachel, I want to be here for all of you. I'm not asking you for instant trust, I'm just asking for a chance."

Santana nodded, "I won't throw stuff at you again." Shelby giggled at that, "Thanks Santana."

...

Rachel sat in the tree; she was amazed she had managed to scale it. She hadn't climbed a tree since the tender age of 11. She wasn't sure of the date she stopped climbing or even why. She had forgotten the feeling of serenity that filled her every pore when she sat on her branch and gazed out. She had watched the sunrise illuminate the small town. Rachel's legs dangled from the tree branch she glanced down at her sock clad legs, she had ripped them during her ascent to the top of the tree. She giggled to herself when she remembered the heart attack she had given her father's when they had seen her at the top of the tree. The tree had felt impossibly high when she was child, though it still felt amazing to be at the top it no longer held the wonderment it once did. Rachel wasn't sure if it was because she had physically grown or if her world view had just warped to once of sheer cynicism. She started to swing her legs, making her heels bite into the tree trunk; she enjoyed the feeling as well as the sound of cracking bark. Rachel was doing anything to avoid thinking about the events of the prior evening. Even she could acknowledge that her reaction of running was slightly childish, but she did not know how to cope with the overwhelming feelings and emotions she had felt that night. The betrayal, the lies, the abuse of trust. Santana had done it so easily what else could or would she lie about. That thought made Rachel shudder against the tree. She leaned back resting the crown of her head against the tree forcing herself to look up into the sky.

"I didn't know hobbits lived in trees?" Rachel was shaken from her thoughts and had to grip the branch strongly to prevent herself from falling.

"Miss Sylvester?"

Rachel looked down using one hand as a shield to block out the sunlight. She could make out the coach in her trademark red tracksuit.

"I think you need to get down Miss Berry."

Rachel just shook her head vehemently, "I'm quite content up here thank you Miss Sylvester."

Sue narrowed her eyes, "Be that as it may, I would rather hold a conversation that doesn't involve me getting neck spasms."

Rachel glanced down again as if weighing up her actions. Sue sensing her indecisiveness decided to speed the process up, "fine hobbit we will do it your way!" Sue started climbing the tree.

"Miss Sylvester what are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing mini-Streisand? Sue Sylvester waits for no Man, or hobbit." Sue shimmied along the branch sitting on one that was adjacent to Rachel.

"So Miss Berry why are we in a tree?"

"Did you actually call me by my name I wasn't convinced you knew it?" Sue smirked at her, "You've grown a back bone has to be the influence of Lopez."

"Lopez-Berry," corrected Rachel instantly.

"So why are we in a tree?"

"Why not be in a tree," responded Rachel with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Now I know something is wrong I usually have to wear ear plugs to drown out the sound of you incessant rambling."

Rachel sighed and started kicking her feet harder against the tree, "Santana lied to me."

"Shelby?" queried Sue.

"Did everybody know but me?" questioned Rachel angrily, "I'm such an idiot."

"You are not an idiot, for some unknown reason a lot of people care a lot about you, if I had my way I would have just told you and watched the fireworks months ago."

Rachel just frowned at the woman, "are you always this much of a bitch?"

"watch your mouth little girl, I'm giving you a chance hear, I should have just rang the rest of the search party and hauled your stupid arse out of this tree and dragged you home by your hair."

Rachel had the grace to look chastised. "You think I reacted wrongly don't you?"

"I don't think it matters what I think," replied Sue.

"But you think I could have handled it better?" asked Rachel. Sue just raised an eyebrow at the girl.

"Ok I admit it I over-reacted, but it turned out my singing coach actually pushed me out of her vagina."

Sue scrunched her face up at that, "there are things Sue Sylvester doesn't want to know."

"I should have given Santana a chance to explain, and not thrown stuff and screamed."

Sue just nodded, Rachel sighed, "how have you done this?"

Sue smirked, "it's a talent... do you want a lift home?"

Rachel nodded, "are they mad?"

"More worried," replied Sue. Rachel grimaced at that.

"I mean they must have been pretty worried to interrupt my Sue Sylvester time."

Rachel pulled a face, "eww..." Sue laughed out loud, "not that kind of time, for anyone else I wouldn't have come out but I'll do a lot for the unholy trinity. I even helped in spite of that drip Schuster."

Rachel giggled, "Can I give you a hug?"

"No."

...

Rachel slowly pushed her front door open, she tip-toed through the hallway, she approached the stairs but was met with the sight of Brittany. She soon felt two arms wrap her into a tight hug. Brittany nuzzled her face into Rachel's neck. She could feel the wet tears transfer from Brittany's face onto her shoulder.

"I'm sorry Brittany."

Brittany pulled away from the girl but still kept a tight grip on her. The relief on her face quickly got replaced by anger. Rachel saw the change and could only gulp in response.

Brittany grabbed Rachel's arm and pulled her towards the kitchen, she swatted her hard once, which elicited a yelp from the younger girl.

"What the hell where you thinking? Where have you been? Why did you run off?"

"Brittany too many questions..." replied Rachel. She was shocked when Brittany once again grabbed her in a tight hug. Rachel would have been bemused if the situation wasn't so serious. Brittany led her to a stall in the kitchen, "stay there I need to ring San and Shelby."


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37.

Short chapter I know, but I'm currently also writing a LLM dissertation... involves loads of research and lots of writing, so last thing I want to do is write anything else! But this chapter is dedicated to some "friends". **NayaFan,** for letting me bully you on twitter, (and I thought you were Scottish). **Beaner** (PUPPY) - because you are a ridiculous muppet who infuriates the hell out of me, but you put up with me and that means you deserve the Nobel peace prize... (Well if Obama can get it for jack shit, I think you stand a chance!) and** Stargirl888** your stories always cheer me up, even if my day is sucking beyond the telling of it!. Anywho next chapter here we go. P.s most of my reviews are anonymous, is that because you are embarrassed you are reading my story, or is the same person reviewing in multiple guises? P.s loving the abuse I'm still getting, but as I get enough from my extended family, if you could make it constructive it would make me a happy camper!

Rachel sat silently in the kitchen; it always amazed how she could go from incandescent with rage to quiet shame so quickly. She blamed the teenage hormones, that's what her dad's used to always say about Santana's erratic crying. Rachel smirked to herself, Santana acted all tough but she sure used to cry a lot as an angst teenager over the most innocuous things. She wasn't that bad, she convinced herself. Rachel glanced up at Brittany, who was watching her like a hawk. Rachel took a deep breath, "you know if you blink I won't vanish."

Brittany increased her glare and narrowed her eyes at the younger girl, "whatever you say Houdini, but you are crazy if you think I am letting you out of my sight before they get back. You are a flight risk."

"You make it sound like I'm being held on remand," replied Rachel with a slight edge to her voice.

"You are, pending punishment for your vanishing act. You're propensity for running needs to be curbed Rachel."

"You don't think I was entitled to be upset," responded Rachel the ire in her voice showing.

"Yes you were allowed to be upset, but that doesn't mean you can have a temper tantrum like a 5 year old."

"Like a 5 year old, yeah because loads of 5 year olds find out their vocal teacher is actually their mother and their sister knew and hid it from them. Just an everyday occurrence, I didn't storm out because my big sister broke my favourite toy. She lied to me."

Brittany sighed, "Technically she didn't lie."

"You are not pulling that shit Britt, you and Santana are always telling me an omission is just as bad as a lie."

"They are two very different scenarios," said Brittany, "we have to do what's best for you."

"We..." commented Rachel, "oh my god, you knew as well! Did the whole fucking world know, was this just one big joke, let's see how long it takes Rach to figure it out. Let's all laugh at how stupid she is."

"You are not stupid Rach, you are just naive."

"Naive? You have to be kidding me. I watched someone die, how does that make me naive?"

"Ok wrong choice of word," Brittany corrected herself, "you are vulnerable, and you know you are. Once you are a victim of something, it's more likely to happen, I don't know why, but people can sense it and they can take advantage of it."

"You think I'm weak and pathetic," stated Rachel in a disappointing tone.

"No I don't I think you are strong beyond measure," stated Brittany standing up and walking over to Rachel to grasp her hand tenderly in hers.

"But you are also a child. A child who has seen more than she should have, a child who deserves to be protected, even coddled, accepting help and affection doesn't make you weak it makes you strong. It takes a strong person to ask for help when they need it."

Rachel nodded, and smiled lightly, "you always seem to know what to say to me."

"I know how your mind works Rach, it's a confusing odd place, but it makes you, you."

Their moment was interrupted by another voice, "well thanks for telling me she is home Brittany."

Quinn stomped into the kitchen, irritation masking her beautiful features. She turned her anger onto Rachel, "what the hell were you thinking? Do you have any idea how worried we all were! You are such an idiot! Anything could have happened to you out there!"

Rachel raised an eyebrow at the girl, "anything could happen to me in here, couldn't it Quinn."

Quinn's face paled, and Brittany who had been enjoying the Quinn rant, looked up in worry. "What does that mean Rach?"

"Nothing Britt, just something between Quinn and I."

"If something has happened you need to tell me," responded Brittany bitingly with worry.

"Nothing than concerns you," answered back Rachel. Brittany was shocked at the tone of voice Rachel was using, not used to such harshness coming from the generally airy spirited girl.

"Don't talk to Brittany like that," came a voice from the doorway that had just caught the end of the conversation.

"Everything about you concerns us, don't forget that!" Continued Santana. Quinn regained some of her colour, "guess all the players are back for world war three part two."

"If you are just going to make snarky comments Quinn you can go to your room," responded Brittany. Shelby stood off to the side slightly choosing to observe rather than be directly confrontational.

"Why is she even here?" questioned Quinn glaring at Shelby.

"She's here because I want her here, and she's going to be a part of our lives."

Brittany smiled proudly at Santana when she said that.

"God Santana, are you bi-polar or what? You went from hating her, now you are bumming her. Is she blackmailing you or what?"

"Quinn, enough!" said Brittany firmly, staring at her other girl, "you can be respectful or you can go to your room."

"Stop treating me like a child!"

"Then stop acting like one," replied Brittany, her voice contained a steely edge that meant raising her voice was unnecessary. Santana at this point turned her attention to Rachel and wrapped her in a tight hug, "never do that again Rach."

Rachel allowed herself to enjoy the warm hug, basking in the comfort Santana provided. She had not anticipated this reaction; she had expected righteous anger, not whatever this was?

"I can't lose you Rach, I already lost our dads."

Rachel sensed the vulnerability in her older sister's voice, and felt the guilt start to bear down on her shoulders, "I only vanished for a night," she responded pitifully. Shelby took this opportunity to wade into the debate, "but you are 15 years old Rachel, too young to be out on the streets at night, there are awful people out there who would take advantage of a young girl like yourself."

Rachel felt the guilt dissipate and anger replace it like a fire, "I didn't ask for your input."

"Rachel," barked Santana, "I know you are upset, but I know you were taught to respect your elders, Shelby is still your teacher, would you speak you speak to Mr. Schue like that?"

"No," replied a chastised Rachel.

"I'm not asking you to call me mom, I'm just asking for a chance,"

Rachel glared at the woman, and then glared at Santana, "you don't deserve a chance, and I don't trust you, but I'll do it for Santana. But Santana realise I don't trust you anymore, you may have thought you were acting in my best interests but that doesn't matter you should have told me."

"You are grounded Rachel," cut in Brittany, she saw the look of despair on Santana's face and knew this conversation needed to be ended. "You know better than to run off like that, so go shower then go have a nap, we will wake you for lunch."

Rachel nodded and left the room. Brittany turned her attention to Quinn, "what is going on with you and Rachel?"

"Nothing," snorted Quinn.

Santana interrupted angrily, "For the love of god Q, would you just cut it with the angry teen routine. I have seriously had enough of your bad attitude. I'm fed up of fighting with you over every little goddamn thing!"

Brittany could sense Santana had reached her boiling point and needed sleep they all did. "S, leave it for now, we can talk later when we are calm and not exhausted."

"Yes just like always," sniped Quinn.

"What's that supposed to mean?" snapped Santana. Brittany sighed in exasperation.

"When it's to do with Rachel we have to deal with it then and there, but anything to do with me, we'll discuss later,"

"That's because you won't talk!" yelled Santana.

"Maybe I want to but I can't" screamed Quinn back, "and maybe because deep down I know that you don't really care! All that matters is Rachel and Rachel's future."

Santana's anger dissipated, "you don't really believe that do you Quinn. I'm sorry you feel that way. You and Rachel are like chalk and cheese. I know Rachel, you are always putting these walls up, and they are so hard to break through Q, but I've never stopped trying!"

"Then why does it feel like you have?" Whimpered Quinn, she lifted her head up to stare Santana in the eye, and the whole room watched as one tear dripped down her face. Santana closed the gap between them and pulled the girl into a hug. She gently tugged the girl into the direction of the living room, sitting on the sofa and pulling the girl down with her. They both just enjoyed the comfort of each other as Brittany watched with warm eyes, and Shelby hovered awkwardly in the doorway.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38.

It has been difficult to write this despite the bet I had with Stargirl888, and I'm sorry for letting her down... The riots in London have been harsh. My sister is in the met police and has been dealing with the riots. Which as you can imagine is very stressful. Add the fact I've been unwell. My decision to stop taking my heart medication may have just been the wrong one... But hey what can you do. So sorry it's so short, but add messed up family + messed up health+ dissertation = little time to write fan fiction. I promise the next chapter will be a lot longer! I want to get back to at least 3000 words a chapter. Anyway hope you enjoy and please review, I know it's somewhat pathetic but they do lighten up my day.

Quinn awoke surprisingly disorientated she attempted to move but realised she was in someone's lap. The thought made her instantly uncomfortable. She was not fond of any coddling. Quinn felt like a small child in mummy's lap. She attempted to pull away, only for the person gripping her to pull her in tighter. She sighed exasperatedly. She heard the door open, Quinn twisted her head around, as far as she could considering the vice grip Santana had on her.

"You comfortable there Q?"

"Please rescue me?"

Brittany giggled quietly, "just rub the back of her arm, she'll release her grip."

Quinn followed her instructions, and Santana did release her grip enough to slip out of her arms. She stood up gingerly and adjusted her crumpled clothes. "Come have a coffee with me,"

Quinn followed the taller blonde into the kitchen. Brittany poured the two drinks out, and allowed Quinn to stay silent for a bit.

"Putting it off now, won't mean we don't have to talk about it," Brittany said glancing over at Quinn who had her buried her nose into to the coffee.

"And you can't drown yourself in a mug of coffee," joked Brittany trying to lighten the situation.

"Tell me what you are feeling Quinn," pleaded Brittany.

Quinn looked up, "you both love Rachel more than me. I'm the spare part, if I ever upset Rachel; I would be homeless before I could count to three." Quinn said it with more conviction than she felt.

"You honestly believe that? Quinn, we are a family, a weird fucked up family..." Brittany paused for a second as if considering her words, "I guess that means we are a real family," finished Brittany.

"Actions speak louder than words," said Quinn sarcastically. Brittany stood up from her chair went over to Quinn yanked her up gently and swatted her twice hard.

"What the hell Britt?" yelled Quinn.

"That's how much we love you," responded Brittany her tone conveying the intensity of the truth she wanted Quinn to feel, not just hear.

"How is that love?" questioned Quinn angrily.

"We love you. We will support you, be there for you, chastise and punish if you need it, comfort you. It's unconditional Quinn, you get arrested we will bail you out. I know your parents let you down, but we won't. "

"What if I hurt Rachel?" asked Quinn quietly.

"Ok what's going on Quinn? What has happened between you and Rachel?" questioned Brittany her tone had instantly changed to one of concern.

"I made a big mistake Britt and I ruined everything, I messed it all up," tears were starting to stream down her face.

"Quinn you can tell me."

"Promise me," whispered Quinn.

"Promise you what Quinn?" asked Brittany gently.

"That you won't kick me out, or hate me."

"I promise," said Brittany unwaveringly.

"I raped Rachel..."

...

Shelby awoke from her nap in Santana and Brittany's room, she took a moment to wake herself up, and process what to do with the mess that was her daughter and her makeshift family. She heard a slight knock on the door, and Rachel entered the room.

"Sorry I thought Santana was in here." Rachel went to leave the room immediately.

"Rachel come sit down with me."

"I'd rather not, thank you." replied Rachel curtly.

"We have to talk eventually Rachel."

"Why is that exactly?" said Rachel bitterly.

"Because I'm here to stay and I'm your mother."

"No you were a willing rentable uterus, what are you suddenly interested now because my dads are dead and you can come swooping in to the save the day. I don't want you,"

"You don't want me, you need me," replied Shelby

"Go fuck yourself gently with a chainsaw," mocked Rachel. Shelby's eyebrows shot up in complete shock at hearing that come out of the usually polite considerate girl she had got to know over the past few months. Shelby realised at the point she had two options submit to the girl in front of her and try and win her over with niceness, or become a mom.

"Rachel Barbra Berry, speak to me like that again and I will wash your mouth out with soap."

"Seriously did you get that line from a parenting book?" retorted Rachel.

"Would you have said that too Santana?"

Rachel deflated slightly, "no..."

"And why is that?" queried Shelby.

"I'd be punished." Muttered Rachel under her breath so quietly that Shelby had to strain to hear it.

"Rachel I'm going to be honest with you, I want a relationship with you. but I'm not stupid I know I need to earn you trust, but I want you to respect me, not as a mother I know you are not ready for that, one day I hope you are. But you will respect me as an adult, you are a child so I obviously command some respect."

Rachel found she couldn't argue with Shelby's logic, and she found that a bitter pill to swallow. Rachel nodded in agreement.

"But I am telling you now, you swear at me like that again. You won't be able to sit down for a month. Get me?"

Rachel nodded. Shelby took in the appearance of her daughter despite the nap she could see the exhaustion on her face. She beckoned the younger girl over and pulled her tenderly towards the bed. "Go back to bed Rachel, your still tired."

"No I'm not," said Rachel in a petulant tone. Though her general demeanour did nothing to further the case her words made, as she attempted to hide a yawn. Shelby tucked her into Santana's bed, before shutting the light off and creeping out of the room.

...


	39. Chapter 39

...

Chapter 39

OK guys incredibly short again! But I am currently writing my dissertation which is in at the end of the month. So in October I promise lots of updates! This is for NayaFanFF hope you're feeling better matey.

"I need you to explain what you mean Quinn," asked Brittany gently.

"I can't state it any clearer Brittany," said Quinn sadly.

"No Quinn, what makes you say that," replied Brittany still keeping a gentle tone to her voice.

"I Raped her, I can't say it any clearer," Quinn replied angrily.

"Ok Quinn but I want you to tell me what happened."

"Why? Do rape fantasies get you off?" asked Quinn sarcastically.

Brittany narrowed her eyes, "watch your tone Quinn Lucy, it was a simple question. I need to know what happened so we can deal with it together."

Quinn visibly slumped, "I took Rachel's virginity, I was upset and I needed to..." Quinn choked up as tears started to slowly pool in her eyes.

"Feel," finished Brittany. Quinn just nodded.

"Ok, did Rachel say no?"

"Yes... no...I don't know..." replied Quinn weakly. Brittany grabbed Quinn's hand with her own.

"Ok Quinn I think you need to sit down and talk to Rachel."

Quinn shook her head, "she'll never forgive me..."

"Never say never," Brittany countered with a smirk.

"Listen Quinn life is so complicated, our family, relationships are complicated, but the love here is unconditional, we will always forgive you."

"But I hurt Rachel..." Quinn quietly whimpered.

"Maybe..." answered Brittany, "but things aren't always black and white Quinn. You see things as right or wrong, good or bad. But life is grey. Your parent's destroyed your moral compass."

Quinn scoffed, "even my parents know rape is wrong!"

"Quinn, I won't warn you about your tone again. Let's just have an adult conversation for once."

Nobody made Quinn feel more like a child than Brittany when she was in full chastisement mode.

"Are you going to tell Santana?"

Brittany shook her head, "No, you guys are having relationship issues as far as I can tell, but I'm telling you now. You are going to therapy, end of discussion."

Quinn went to interrupt.

"No Quinn, you are going. I won't hear any more moaning, complaining, back-tracking. I am pulling the adult card."

"But..." Brittany glared at the younger girl. Quinn seemed to rethink her argument, "I'm not happy but I guess you don't care about that do you."

Quinn smiled to herself, until she saw the anger building in Brittany's eyes.

"Don't you dare accuse me of not caring Quinn Lucy Fabray, I want you to be happy, but I also want you to be healthy. Now listen I have officially had enough of your attitude, I'm fed up of the sarcasm, the snarky comments and so is Santana. The next time you make another one unnecessarily I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap."

"You wouldn't!"

"Do you really want to test that Quinn?" asked Brittany sternly. The two girls glared at each other, Quinn broke eye contact first in obvious defeat.

"Thanks Quinn," said Brittany her voice regained the softness it usually held. She leaned across and kissed the smaller girl's forehead gently. Brittany pulled away with a slightly concerned look on her face. She placed the back of her hand against Quinn's forehead.

"You seem a bit warm?" questioned Brittany more to herself than anyone else.

"I'm fine Britt, just a bit stressed."

Brittany just continued, "Then you won't mind me checking your temperature."

"Brriittt," whined Quinn.

"Just humour me Quinn."

Quinn sighed but allowed herself to be led into the bathroom; she sat down on the closed lid of the toilet, as Brittany rummaged in the bathroom cabinet.

She emerged victorious with the ear thermometer and put it gently into Quinn's right ear. She waited for the beep to indicate that it was finished.

"102.1"

Quinn tried to hide her concern; she knew what was going to happen she just needed to get away from Brittany before it did.

...

"Santana! Shelby! Can you come in here for a moment?" The bathroom was becoming surprisingly full, causing Quinn to sigh in protest.

"I'm fine, it's probably just stress, I'll go lie down..." Quinn replied attempting to hide the unease in her face.

"What's up Britt?" asked Santana.

"Quinn's got a temp," she replied handing over the thermometer to the Latina's waiting hands, who in turn passed it to Shelby.

"I'll be fine," replied Quinn tiredly. She glanced down anxiously at her hands they were starting to get clammy and shake.

Shelby glanced over at Quinn, "why don't you go lay down in your bed for a bit Quinn, we'll be in to check on you in a bit."

Quinn nodded in relief and left the bathroom hurriedly.

"It's probably just the sniffles," explained Shelby, "let's not panic, do you have Quinn's medical records?"

"Er... somewhere," replied Santana, "I'll go check the draws in the study..."

Brittany looked curiously at Shelby, "she might be prone to high fevers, she might not be, and I doubt you'll get a straight answer from Quinn herself."

Brittany nodded in agreement, "I guess I was panicking out of proportion..."

Shelby smiled, "you are like a new parent, you are going to panic when either one of them sneezes..."

Brittany giggled at that. "Is Rachel still conked out?"

"Yeah, she's asleep."

...

Quinn shut her bedroom door, and turned the lock quickly. She could feel it coming, she rifled through her drawers and grabbed the squash ball out and started to squeeze it in her hands anxiously. It wasn't going to happen. She could prevent it. Quinn started to see dots before her eyes...she shook her head angrily and looked into her mirror, she was pale, shaky and sweaty. At that point she knew it was going to happen, it was this acknowledgment that seemed to deem the end of the fight. Her knees buckled, and she fell to the floor her head bouncing of her bedside table. She landed motionless, then her body stiffened and started to convulse. Quinn wasn't breathing.

p.s see if you can guess what's wrong with Quinn?


	40. Chapter 40

**Thanks for all the reviews...**

**A.N/ In response to a couple of reviews... Brittany's muted response was on purpose, right or wrong I don't know it was just a response. Don't criticise the actions the characters take or assume that I automatically think their reactions are right. I'm trying to write a realistic character story, people have flaws, people make mistakes. When you lose someone you don't all gather around for a group hug have a little cry then next week you forget they even exist. If there is anything you disagree with please msg me, I will happily explain myself, or maybe you can change my opinion. Yes their responses are out of character from the TV show, but they are not out of character of the characters I have developed from that starting basis. As for the grammar issues, yes I don't proof read... writing is my own personal cathartic release it loses that effect if i have to re-read it. So if you want to beta it, be my guest. **

**I wasn't going to update this today, I was going to write ahead and update all through October, after my diss, so I could get a head start on weekly updates again... but my health once again took a turn for the worse. Art imitates life. Honestly thanks for the reviews, I got a couple while I was at the hospital and they were actually a wonderful distraction.**

_**P.s not epilepsy...care to guess again?**_

This is for NayaFanff as she listens to my woe is me routine without judgement, and even "worries" about me.

**Chapter 40**

...

Quinn woke up feeling like she had been hit by a truck; her clothes were stuck to her. She was soaked in sweat. She groaned lightly to herself, she still felt weak and shaky. She attempted to sit up but her body failed to respond. Quinn was gasping for breath at the small effort she just undertook. She was also shocked to feel blood slipping down her face, Quinn gingerly put her hand to her forehead, cringing as she made contact with the cut that was there. She used her other hand to check between her legs, relief filled her, as she realised she hadn't had an "accident." Quinn attempted once again to pull herself into a seating position. Her arms and legs felt like lead as she pushed herself up against her bedroom door. The exertion took away all her energy; she sighed and tilted her head back against the door in pain. Her lungs burned she couldn't help but wonder how long she hadn't been breathing for this time. She attempted to take deep breaths, tears leaked from the corner of her eyes at the pain it brought her. Quinn bit down on her lip to stifle the sob in her throat. She was distracted from her pain by a knock at her door, and the failed turn of the handle.

"Quinn you ok in there? Why have you locked the door?"

"I'm fine Britt...just trying to get some sleep," responded Quinn weakly.

"Can you come open this door please babe? I'd prefer the door wasn't locked if you're feeling a bit ill..."

Quinn started to panic, "ok, I just need to put some clothes on..."

Quinn struggled to her feet, using the door frame as leverage. She stumbled towards the dresser, grabbing at the face wipes on her desk, wiping the excess blood away as hurriedly as she could manage in her current condition. When only her pale face remained, she grabbed her favourite beanie of the bed, and pulled it over her head to cover her cut. Quinn grimaced when the fabric made contact with the cut. She quickly stripped the rest of her clothes off, they were sweaty and bloody. Quinn grabbed her dressing gown off the back of her bedroom door, and slipped it on. She slowly unlocked the door, and opened it gently.

She was met with Brittany's concerned face, "you Ok Q? You look really pale?" Brittany reached her hand up to Quinn's forehead; Quinn jumped back quickly, but soon regretted the action as she stumbled slightly backwards. Brittany lunged forward and caught her before she fell back. "You are soaked... Quinn," Brittany gasped in surprise, as she felt how slippery Quinn's skin was with sweat.

"Let's get you into bed baby." Brittany led Quinn to her bed.

"Lay down sweetie, I'm going to go get the thermometer, try and get some sleep." Quinn buried her head into her pillow. Brittany smiled weakly at the sight, and left the room quickly.

...

"Hey San did you find those records?" asked Brittany entering the study.

"Yes... But it seems to be incomplete..."

Brittany glared at the offending paperwork, "she wouldn't...she so would," said Brittany more to herself than anyone else.

"She wouldn't what?" questioned Shelby.

"Quinn is very secretive, and defensive, she will do anything to hide anything she considers a "flaw" or a "weakness"." Explained Brittany.

"Getting information from her can be like pulling teeth..." clarified Santana.

Shelby nodded her head in understanding, "don't confront her over the missing medical files."

"What? But what if she's hiding something life threatening?" asked Brittany in an agitated voice.

"You confront her, she will throw her walls up so high you will spend months prising information away from."

Brittany nodded in understanding, "so what do we do?"

Shelby looked pensive, "you look after her, she's clearly sick. Santana ring the hospital, just to double check it's nothing too serious. I want Quinn to trust us, but we clearly do need to take necessary precautions."

The other two girls nodded, "thanks for being here Shelby, it's nice to get some non-judgemental advice."

Shelby smiled, "that's all I want to do Santana you know that..."

Santana nodded and smiled weakly back at the woman.

"You girls are doing so well, I know this can't be easy."

Santana sighed heavily, "I'll be grey before I'm 20."

Shelby chortled at this, "teenagers can be fun... but you are doing an amazing job, you have been so much, but you are still standing, still trying, keeping this family together."

"Then why do I feel like I'm getting nowhere," asked Santana weakly.

"You are getting somewhere Santana, you just need the final push, it's going to hurt but you need to do it! Then you all can get closer. Quinn needs to learn to trust you; Rachel needs to learn to give up control, and Santana you need to grieve."

Santana nodded again, "you are right."

Brittany wrapped her arms around Santana, the Latina rested her chin on Brittany's shoulder, she took in a deep breath letting the aroma of Brittany wash over her and instantly relax her.

"Is Rachel still asleep?" asked Brittany.

"Nooo..." came the sleepy reply from the doorway. Rachel stumbled into the room; Santana pulled away from Brittany, and beckoned the girl towards her. Rachel sandwiched herself between the two girls, resting her head on Santana, while running her fingers through Brittany's hair.

"Hey Rach...did you have a good sleep?"

Rachel nodded still half asleep.

"Are you hungry Rach?"

"No, is Quinn ok? I thought I heard some banging in her room a while ago."

"Banging?" asked Shelby concerned.

"Yeah... but I might have been dreaming," answered Rachel yawning.

"Do you want to go back to bed sweetie?" asked Santana gently.

"No...I..." at that Rachel seemed to wake up and wrenched herself away from the two girls.

"I'm not a baby..."

Shelby laughed, when she saw the frustration on Santana's face.

"Rachel, would you mind leaving us a second, we need to talk."

"Fine..." moaned Rachel, flouncing out of the room.

"Don't let her try and pick a fight Santana, she's just picking a fight for the sake of a fight."

"Shelby has a point San... we need to stop rising to her bait."

Santana just agreed tiredly. "Come on let's go check on Quinn."

...


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

**Ok this chapter wasn't supposed to be up so quickly, but I got convinced by this Scottish Midget Baby (Nayafan) to update, though I won't update again if she doesn't start to look after herself better. (Hint Klmeire, Jenny lecture her, because I can't, it would be a tad bit hypocritical). **

**In response to a review, I was quite upset to be called lazy, in response to not re-reading my work. The reason I can't re-read is purely because I'm writing about very personal stuff, and it takes a lot to write it in the first place. As you are not in my situation and do not know me then don't comment on it. I have no problems with people being constructively critical. I want to improve as a writer and I would like to improve, but the inherent issue with that is my refusal to re-live painful memories, just writing this is a huge step me so please don't be little that. My hope is if anyone out there is having issues they can read this, and no others have similar pain, and that you don't have to click your fingers to make everything ok again. Melodramatic maybe, but I'm sorry that's just how I feel. Everyone else thank you for the lovely reviews.**

**P.S it's not panic or anxiety attacks... anymore guesses?**

**P.P.S NayaFan I bought a new motorbike helmet to replace the one I drove into a bush with. It's shiny, new and black. So if I pass out again, it's ok!**

Quinn sat up in her bed, her head was throbbing. She needed an excuse and she needed one now, her mind still felt cloudy from the fit. She couldn't concentrate on anything. She just couldn't think, no she couldn't focus. Quinn kept staring off into space; she tried to stare at one thing to make her mind centre itself. She glanced hurriedly around the room knowing she didn't have a lot of time. Quinn reached down under her bed, her hand grasped around until she felt a familiar round object, a baseball. She smirked to herself and pulled off the beanie. She looked around the room again, and found a paperweight she glanced over at the window, and steeled herself. She threw the paperweight as hard she could considering her weak state, and watched as it shattered through the window. Quinn dropped the baseball quickly to the floor, and grabbed a small shard of glass off the windowsill and stuck it into the cut on the forehead, rewarded when the blood started to flow again. All of this exertion however had exhausted the girl so she dropped to her knees slightly. The second she dropped her bedroom door flew open, and Shelby, Santana and Brittany came charging in.

"What happened?"

Quinn gestured weakly at the baseball, "Some kids must have hit it through the window."

"How many times have I told those kids to not play around out there!" moaned Santana more to herself than anyone else.

"It's ok Quinn," comforted Shelby, "I'm going to go get some disinfectant and a plaster." Santana lifted the smaller blonde to her feet, and helped her back into her bed. Brittany looked at her dubiously, "what were you doing out of bed Quinn?"

"I thought I was feeling better," came the quick reply. Brittany narrowed her eyes but didn't say another word as she surveyed the scene. Shelby quickly returned with a first aid kit, and sat down on the bed beside Quinn. She quickly and methodically cleaned up the cut and covered it with a plaster. Quinn turned her head after she was finished smirking at her own ingenuity. Santana leaned over and swept Quinn's hair back with her hand. "Have a nap Quinn, you still seem a bit warm, and all this action can't help."

Quinn just nodded, and let them all leave the room.

...

Brittany practically jogged down the stairs into the kitchen, the other two followed slower behind her. She headed out of the back door and walked around the house till she was outside Quinn's room. She looked down at the floor and pursed her lips in annoyance. She stormed back into the house to Santana and Shelby who were sitting in the kitchen. Shelby was on the phone arranging for someone to come and replace the window.

"She's lying," Brittany said abruptly. Santana looked up from making the coffees.

"What?" asked Santana in confusion.

"Quinn is lying to us; no baseball was thrown through that window."

"What do you mean? We saw it," replied Santana.

"The glass, Santana, the majority of the glass is outside of the house, indicating whatever was thrown, was thrown from inside the bedroom. Not outside."

Santana's eyes widened, "but... why would she?"

Shelby hung up the phone and turned to the two younger girls. Santana was already starting to move out of the kitchen, "Wait Santana."

"No I'm fed up with her lying!" spoke Santana angrily. "She is always lying!"

"Yes," replied Shelby, "but maybe you need to look into why she is always lying, the root not the symptoms."

Brittany nodded in agreement, "she won't mind be criticised for lying Santana, as long as it distracts from what she is trying to hide. So what is she trying to hide?" asked Brittany out loud.

"She's a devious one, isn't she?" remarked Shelby with a hint of humour.

Brittany just nodded again, "her and Rachel are so different, they are exhausting! They both require very different approaches."

"Welcome to parenting kids," joked Shelby knowingly.

"I think we should just confront her, ground her little ass, and make her do chores to pay off the window," mumbled Santana more to herself than anyone.

"But then nothing would have changed Santana, she would be happy with that, because all her secrets stay contained within her."

Santana looked thoughtful, "what the hell do we do then?" she finished incredulously. Shelby shrugged her shoulders, "I have no idea."

...

Rachel crept into Quinn's room and gently shook the blonde away.

"Quinn wake up."

The blonde groaned and attempted to pull away from the hand awakening and move into a tight foetal like position.

"Quinn..."

"What Rachel?" moaned Quinn.

Rachel crossed her arms, and glared at the blonde, "it happened again didn't it."

Quinn shot up at those words, "no, I just have a cold and a baseball..." she finished weakly realising she wasn't convincing Rachel.

"You told me you were on the medication for it!"

"I was...then."

Rachel narrowed her eyes at that in a scary interpretation of Santana. "We made a deal Quinn; you took the pills I wouldn't tell anyone."

"If I take the pills I'm off the cheerio's. Cheerio's is my way out of here, it's my scholarship."

"You have money Quinn, we have enough to go college," pleaded Rachel.

"We don't have enough for all of us to go to New York. And guess what if it's a game of who misses out it's me that will miss out. Not you. Not Santana and not Brittany."

"What's it going to take for you to believe we love you?" asked Rachel in desperation.

"Love... you've barely spoken to me in days..."

"I needed time Quinn, I need to figure out what's going on between us," Rachel answered diplomatically. "Stop changing the subject...you had a fit didn't you?"

Quinn stayed quiet.

"You are not denying it so that means yes," implied Rachel.

Quinn sighed in exasperation, "Let it go Rachel please."

"Do you love me?" asked Rachel in a sad voice.

"Yes," replied Quinn unwaveringly.

"Do you love yourself?"

Quinn paused.

"You can't love anyone until you learn to love yourself, we can't be together, and we can't deal with what has happened between us. We just can't..."

Rachel headed slowly to the door.

"Are you going to tell them?" asked Quinn carefully.

"No, I'm not going to say anything."

Quinn sighed in relief.

"But until you tell them everything there is no us. I don't trust you Quinn. You lie, you manipulate, I want that sweet girl I fell in love with. She's there somewhere."

"I'm the same person Rachel!" replied Quinn in annoyance.

"Maybe you are, maybe you have never been honest with me."

"Who are you to lecture me about honesty? The amount of secrets you have kept, Karofsky, cutting?" replied Quinn indignantly.

"How dare you use that against me?"

"I've got a valid point," pointed out Quinn.

"Bite me Fabray," were the last words uttered as Rachel stormed out of the room in diva fashion.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42.

**Ok thanks for all the lovely reviews your support has been so helpful, and has probably prevented me from spiralling further in the depressing funk I'm in...**

**I posted this earlier than I had originally planned too, as I wanted NayaFan to be able to read it before her bedtime... ha! Only kidding dude. Hope you're feeling better. **

**Sorry it's really short, but I have 7 days to write 10,000 words... so yeah I really shouldn't have even wrote this...**

Quinn seethed in frustration in her bedroom; she was losing her tight grip on the situation. She also knew she shouldn't allow herself to get stressed out. Stress always equalled a fit, on the many triggers she already knew about. She pushed the covers off her bed, and sat up. Quinn could almost feel the blood rushing from her head, her body sagged and she fell back into frustration. She punched the wall in frustration. Quinn literally hated her body for doing this to her. She started taking deep breaths to control her anger.

"Are you ok in there Quinn?" came a voice from outside the room.

"I'm fine," squeaked Quinn. Brittany walked into the bedroom not paying any attention to the answer Quinn gave.

Brittany strode over and lay her hand down gently on Quinn's forehead, "you are still quite warm?"

Brittany looked at Quinn in the eyes, "is there anything we need to know about your health Quinn that we don't already know? I'm giving you a chance to be honest with us. Don't abuse that."

Quinn snorted at her, "it's just a cold Britt,"

"Fine," replied Brittany with a sigh, "but remember if you are lying I won't protect you from the wrath of Santana."

"I don't need protecting," replied Quinn haughtily. Brittany narrowed her eyes for what felt like the 30th time today, "yes you do Quinn Lucy."

...

"Any luck?" asked Shelby.

"It's like talking to a brick wall..." said Brittany sadly. "Any word from the hospital?"

Shelby shook her head, "I had the lawyers fax the hospital confirming Santana's guardianship, but we are still waiting for Quinn's medical files to be released."

Santana gripped the table tightly in her hand until her knuckles turned white. "I'm not going to wait..."

"Santana you need to... we'll have the files in a few days... until then... just wait..." Brittany soothed running her hand down the Latina's back.

...

Quinn was exhausted; she wasn't sure what she had done to piss her body so much. She had gone months without issues and now she was having multiple fits again. The prudent side of her new she needed to return to the cardiologist but the other side her, the side that feared change and discovery wouldn't let her go. She shut her locker with a slam and then leaned against it, trying to hide the fact it was currently supporting about half her body weight.

"You ok Quinn?"

Quinn groaned to herself turning her attention to the man child in front of her. "I'm fine Finn, please just leave me be..."

"You don't look to good Quinn,"

"And you wonder why you are rolling in the girls..." said Quinn dryly.

"Whatever Quinn, sorry for showing concern," Finn replied with a shrug of his shoulders, which pushed his bag up higher on his back. Kurt came sauntering over, "what's got your panties in a twist today? Miss HBIC."

"Shut up Hummel."

All this attention on her was making her sweat, she looked down at her hands in alarm: pale, wet clammy. The first signs were already materialising. Quinn discreetly placed two fingers against her wrist, and listened to her pulse, she attempted to hide the action but diverting the attention back towards the two boys in front of her. "Any particular reason you are bothering me right now?"

Quinn tried to put her strongest facade up, though she realised in horror she was experiencing a clear arrhythmia. She could feel the heat rushing to her face. Quinn had to escape and she had to escape now. "As much fun as this little hallway meeting has been, I need to go to the library." Quinn finished succinctly, as she attempted to hide the beginnings of the stabbing pain that was beginning to resonate through her body.

"I'll walk you," replied Finn. Quinn panicked internally, and decided the best way to avoid was to offend.

"Why would I want a big oafish loser like you to escort me anywhere?" she questioned incredulously. Finn held the wounded puppy look expertly well, and Quinn almost felt guilty.

"Did you eat bitch for breakfast Quinn or what?" asked Kurt sarcastically.

The two boys walked away, and Quinn sighed in relief. She staggered away from her locker and headed into the disabled toilet, knowing she could lock it securely and have plenty of room if a seizure came on. Quinn sat down leaning her back against the door; bring her knees up to rest her head on it. She weakly glanced around the toilet wandering when her life had become this exhausting.

...

Kurt strode up to Santana angrily, "what crawled up Quinn's backside today?"

"Tone it down Kurt."

"I was just wondering why Queen Bitch has reared her ugly head again..."

"Kurt, just say whatever it is you want to say..."said Santana in exasperation.

"Quinn equal bitch," Kurt replied in mock caveman speech.

"We are aware," deadpanned Brittany, "but thanks for your concern."

Kurt just flounced and stormed away from the pair. "I get gayer just looking at him..." said Santana without a hint of humour.

"Santana, don't," chided Brittany gently.

"This is so frustrating..." exclaimed Santana. "I still think you should just let me confront her Britt."

"We will Santana, but we need evidence first. I think overwhelming her is the only way to get her to break..."

Santana nodded weakly, "one thing is for sure, she thinks we don't pay enough attention, we are going to prove that assumption wrong..."

Santana was interrupted by the vibrations of her phone; she glanced down to read the message, and what shocked to see what the message contained.

**Also a small vote, as no-one seems to have a clue what is wrong with Quinn, well apart from me, and a select few who know me too well... but I would like to know what you think Brittany and Santana should do in reaction to the lying I have an idea in my head, but I would like to hear what you think? I have several ideas planned out but would like to hear what you guys think before I decided which version to post...**


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

Ok in response to reviews I decided to post this version... as previously mentioned I tend to write ahead I don't like writing and then posting... don't ask me why. I'm clinically insane. Literally ask anyone... I was nervous to post this... I really don't know why I just am! I'm amazed by the amount of reviews I've been getting! Seriously wtf? But please keep them coming. I'm currently stuck in bed (supposed to be... I'm going to have a go at fixing my bike in a bit)

Any who no more ranting, now back to her regular scheduled programming...

"Are you ready for this?" questioned Santana slowly. Brittany nodded her head in agreement. They had the sound of a key in the lock and the shuffle.

Santana took a deep breath, "show time..."

Quinn entered the kitchen, to see Santana and Brittany sitting at the breakfast bar.

"You guys missed cheerio's, and sue wouldn't tell me why?" Quinn asked curiously.

She took in their sombre expressions, "is Rachel ok?" she asked in a slight panic.

"Rachel's fine Quinn, Shelby's taken her out for the evening."

Quinn's expression hardened, and a frosty disposition overcame her, "what's going on then?" she crossed her arms in a defensive posture. Defiance exuded from her every pore.

"Let's go sit in the living room..." stated Brittany.

"No tell me what's going on," replied Quinn harshly.

"Quinn Lucy, drop it, look we just want a chat..." said Brittany calmly, placing a hand on Santana's arm to prevent her saying anything.

Quinn walked with confidence into the other and sat rigidly in the chair, Brittany ran her eyes other the girl noticing her aggressive, defence stance. They all sat silently in the room, Brittany and Santana across from her.

"Are you happy here Quinn?" asked Santana breaking the silence.

Quinn looked taken aback by the question, "why do you ask that?"

"It's a simple question Quinn," responded Brittany.

Quinn shrugged, "it's better than the Fabray's," she responded in a nonchalant fashion.

Santana groaned to herself, it really was like pulling teeth.

"Ok, "replied Brittany. "Do you trust us?"

Quinn looked thrown by the question, and decided to answer honestly, "as much as I can."

Brittany nodded appreciating the honest answer, "ok here's the problem Quinn, there is certain stuff we need to know. We are acting in loci parentis, if something happens and we don't know about it. We could lose."

"Melodramatic much..." replied Quinn bitterly.

"No Quinn, we could lose custody. We are being watched Quinn, social services would have no issue, taking you. I'm not losing you Quinn, I'm just not," cut in Santana.

Quinn had no response for that and just looked at her feet.

"Quinn," asked Brittany quietly, "is there anything we need to know? I'm pleading with you here Quinn."

Quinn just shook her head slowly. Santana sighed, and reached under the sofa and pulled out a folder and dropped it onto the coffee table.

"What about now?" asked Santana pointedly.

...

Rachel sat at the coffee table with Shelby, "something is going on..." she stated dubiously.

Shelby looked up from her cup, "yes there is Rachel but that's between the other three, nothing to do with you."

Rachel rolled her eyes, "whatever Shelby."

Shelby chose to ignore Rachel's attitude, "so what film do you want to see?"

...

Quinn glanced down at the folder in front of her, her name was in the top right hand corner, and she turned the front cover and glanced at the page, before closing it again.

"They are private,"

Santana felt her anger grow, "I am your guardian... it's not private to me."

"You had no right to be snooping in my life!" responded Quinn in an equally angry tone.

"It's a good thing we did, what the hell are you playing at?" yelled Santana.

"Tana, don't." Stepped in Brittany attempting to exude a calming influence on the room, "we need to discuss all this Quinn."

"There is nothing to discuss..." replied Quinn.

"No there is a lot to discuss... let's start with the simple stuff shall we."

Brittany glanced at Santana in silent understanding, "what's the number one rule Quinn?"

"Don't lie..." she responded bitterly.

"So you do know..." answered Santana sarcastically.

"Hush, Santana, we will deal with that later. Quinn why are you still on the cheerio's when you were advised to quit?"

"Because I wanted to..."

"Is being a cheerio really worth more than your life Quinn?" asked Brittany simply.

"It's not about being a cheerio Brittany, it's about my future, being a cheerio is my way out of this hick town!"

"Oh yeah you'll get out of this town Quinn, in a body bag..."

"Santana!" chided Brittany.

"it's my body and my life."

"That's where you are wrong, it's our life. You are not an adult yet until that point we have the final say."

"That's bull," stated Quinn angrily.

"Be angry all you want, you are off the cheerio's."

"Why would you take away my future?"

Santana stood up in rage, "we are ensuring you have a fucking future Quinn, you can go back, once you are on your medication again, and back into a routine."

"No chance..." replied Quinn shaking her head.

"You have no say Quinn, I'm sorry but you don't..." said Brittany sadly.

Brittany pulled out a little bottle from her pocket, and placed it on the table. Quinn looked at it with disdain.

"I'm going to be on control of these, I'll give you them in the morning, and I'll watch you take them."

Quinn just continued shaking her head at the pair of them, "It's not happening..."

"It is Quinn, we spoke to your cardiologist, he couldn't believe when we said you weren't taking them..."

"I can deal with it,"

"Yes," replied Brittany, "you can, but it's like he said, what if you smash your head on something, or you are in the middle of the road, or driving your car, what happens then?"

"I deal with it," came the autonomous reply.

"Why must you make your life so hard Quinn?"

"Because life is hard!" yelled Quinn harshly, she stood up and swiped her hand at the bottle knocking it against the wall.

"This little pill won't make it better; do you think I'm stupid? This is just to manage it; all it does is suppress the symptoms. It's not a cure, it isn't helping anything!"

"Quinn, we know all this, but why would you not want your life to be a little bit easier?"

"You wouldn't understand..." whimpered Quinn; she crossed her arms against her chest.

Brittany sighed to herself, "We are not going to get any more answers are we?"

"I've had enough of this Quinn," stated Santana sharply, "what do we have to do..."


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44.

"What do you have to do?" asked Quinn incredulously. "You have to fuck off."

Quinn started to pace around the living room, breathing heavily. Her chest rising in an obvious movement, her discontent showing through the pain in her features.

"Quinn sit down baby," said Brittany softly, reaching towards the girl.

"Don't touch me, don't fucking touch me," Quinn whimpered to herself, bringing her hands up to her face trying to block everything out. Brittany looked to Santana in concern.

"No... No..." whimpered Quinn to herself. Santana saw what was going to happen before Brittany did. Quinn threw her elbow back as hard as she could and smashed it into the wall behind her. Santana cringed, but Quinn showed no reaction, instead she punched the wall with even more ferocity, breathing heavily, gasping to fill her lungs with oxygen to continue her assault on the wall. Quinn turned her body so she was facing the wall head on, and started kicking it aggressively. All her frustrations were coming out in this uncoordinated attack on the inanimate object. Brittany slowly approached Quinn and grabbed her tightly from behind, wrapping one arm around her torso making sure to trap her arms in the embrace. "Shhh Quinn," she whispered gently into her ear. Brittany used her free hand to stroke Quinn's head in a comforting nature. Quinn continued to struggle against her, fighting to kick, fighting to punch, fighting a battle she couldn't win. A battle she was ultimately fighting against herself. Brittany bent down, and pushed her knee lightly into the back of Quinn's leg, which forced her leg to buckle slightly. She took the opportunity to pull her gently towards the floor. Quinn flopped onto her legs awkwardly and just stared at the ground.

"It's ok Quinn...its ok..." Brittany leant forward and kissed Quinn's head softly. Santana stood in shock on the other side of the room, rooted to the spot unable to process what had just happened.

"It's ok...we lov..."

That word shook Quinn from her self-imposed silence. She started to struggle against Brittany's hold.

"Don't touch me; get off me..." her voice slowly got louder and started to hold more of an edge to it, "fuck off! Get the fuck off me." Her struggles became more violent, as she bitterly fought against her human restraints. Santana was shaken from her stupor; she knelt down on her knees in front of the girl, and grabbed her face firmly with her hands. "Quinn, calm down nena." Quinn continued in her struggles, her face red with the exertion, her body ached, her muscles ache. She was suddenly aware of the pain shooting through her knuckles. Her breath caught in her throat, she was choking on air. Santana reacted quickly, releasing her head and helping her bend over slightly to cough.

"Go away," whimpered Quinn quietly.

"Not happening," said Santana with a sad smile on her face.

"Please... leave me alone," said Quinn with a bit more authority in her voice.

"Ok I'm going to let you go, but I need you to stay calm..." said Brittany slowly. Quinn nodded hurriedly in agreement. Brittany released her grasp; Quinn shot out of her arms and tried to put as much distance between them as she physically could. She backed up against the wall as if trying to push herself through the wall, and away from the prying girls. Brittany shook her head slightly at the girl in front of her. "Please stop fighting us..." said Brittany with so much emotion in her voice that her eyes welled with tears. Quinn looked sadly into the taller blonde's eyes.

"Don't cry Britt."

"Then stop making me cry..." she replied quietly.

"I can't," gasped out Quinn, "I'm sorry I can't."

Santana gazed at the broken girls in front of her, and knew she had to take control. "Let's go sit back on the sofa."

Quinn nodded, and slowly made her way back to the sofa, ensuring that during the small trip she didn't go within a metre radius of the other girls. Once all the girls were situated Santana began to speak again.

"No cheerio's, Pills every day, No driving, No caffeine, are we clear?"

Quinn looked directly into Santana's eyes looking for any sign of doubt that might flicker in her eyes, any opportunity to fight back, and any opportunity to negotiate. Quinn stared for a while; she was scared by the intensity facing her. The eyes are the windows to the soul, she could see devotion, concern, but worst of all she could see love. She had to turn away from the gaze. Brittany's voice pulled her eyes away from the floor, "are we clear Quinn?"

"Crystal..." came the succinct reply.

**...**

"So what did you think of the movie Rach?"

"Don't call me Rach..." replied Rachel bitterly.

"What have I got to do Rachel?" asked Shelby in exasperation. "I'm trying here, can you not try a little bit..."

"No, I don't have to try at all," came the response.

"Stop acting like a child Rachel."

"I am a child according to everybody else I might as well act like one too."

"Oh very mature Rachel...you wonder why everybody babies you..."

"Shut up," snapped Rachel, "and take me home."

Shelby sighed to herself, "Brittany hasn't text me yet, so why don't we go get some ice-cream?"

"I'm vegan," replied Rachel pulling her lips together tightly.

"Vegan ice cream... I'm sure somewhere will do vegan ice cream."

Rachel glared at her, "vegan ice cream in Ohio... yeah good luck with that..."

"This attitude is so unnecessary Rachel; there is no need to be so sarcastic."

Rachel just rolled her eyes and turned her back to the woman.

...


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

Ok sorry it's so short... but seriously just finished law masters needed some time off from the laptop.

But yeah at least it's an update. This if for my little Scottish midget, the little girl who thinks she is the boss... I would call her a nickname but I lost a bet... And for MB not heard from you in a while dude.

Story onwards.

...

Brittany took a deep breath, "Quinn we still have some other stuff to talk about..."

Quinn let the anguish show on her face, "what more can you do to me? You are already taking away my free will..."

"We are not taking away your freewill," murmured Santana, "we are being parents."

"Newsflash Santana, you are not and never will be my parents," replied Quinn.

"No," agreed Brittany, "we can be better than your parents. Look Quinn we don't expect a lot, and we don't ask a lot, all we have ever asked from you is honesty. Just don't lie."

Quinn looked down at her feet. Santana took up the speaking mantle, "how many times have you lied to us Quinn? Would you like me to list them?" Santana paused for a minute to all Quinn to come up with an answer, but continued when all that answered was silence. "How about the health condition_?_ How about the lie about the baseball/window incident?"

Quinn's head shot up at that one.

"Did you really think we wouldn't have figured that one out?" asked Santana curiously. "Trust me you will paying for that window."

"What happens now?" asked Quinn weakly, seeing no point in arguing when she knew she was beaten.

Brittany glanced over at Santana, to make sure their previous decision still stood despite the drama and Quinn's outburst; when she saw nothing but agreement, she looked back towards Quinn.

"You are going to be punished Quinn."

Quinn felt her stomach sink to the floor like a lead balloon. "You are going to be punished for lying; you are not being punished for not telling us you had a heart condition. But for lying when we asked point blank whether or not something was going on? Do you understand the distinction?" asked Brittany in a simple tone.

Quinn nodded weakly in understanding.

Santana spoke up, "I want you to go to your room, get changed out of your cheerio's uniform then sit on your bed and wait for us to come upstairs," she finished clearly with no room for manoeuvrability.

Quinn sullenly walked up the stairs, as soon as she had left the room. Brittany collapsed in Santana's arms and hugged her for dear life.

"I need to speak to her alone..." asked Brittany weakly. Santana looked into her girlfriend's eyes and saw the trepidation and weakness that confrontation had caused.

"We go up together... united front."

Brittany nodded in agreement, "united front."

Brittany paused again, "but I don't know what to do..."

Santana looked at the blonde dumbly, "I thought you did." They both stared at each other and laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"But you acted like you knew what you were doing?"

Brittany scoffed at the Latina, "we are so in over our heads..."

Santana nodded in agreement, and they both headed into the kitchen to attempt to come up with some idea on what to do.

...

"Canwe go home yet?" asked Rachel petulantly looking at her nails.

"For the last time Rachel, No. Can you stop asking the same question?"

"I'll stop asking the same question when you stop giving the same answer," came the snarky reply. Shelby tapped her head lightly against the steering wheel in exasperation.

"Rachel can you please stop giving me such a hard time?"

Rachel pretended to think for a second, before responding, "No."

Shelby sighed in frustration, "I thought we had got somewhere."

"Well you thought wrong didn't you?"

"Drop the attitude," replied Shelby firmly.

"No, you can't do this, you don't get to walk in half way through the movie, and try and change the plot. I was quite happy without you. You don't get to do this. You are not my mom; you are just some woman trying to relieve her guilt from missing my childhood. Well guess what Shelby it's not about you, when you are ready to be there for us, for the right reason, maybe I'll give a shit about what you say and do. Until that point you I think you better shut up."

Shelby stayed silent for a moment, knowing better than to rush into an angry defence. "You are completely wrong Rachel. If that's all I wanted, I would have gone to the courts, and I'm telling you know I would have won. I would have left the other three to their own devices. But I didn't. Because I want what's best for you, not best for me."

"Bullshit," was Rachel's harsh reply. "You didn't do that because you knew I would hate you, you are trying to manipulate me into liking you. You think you can make up for all the shit, in one fluid movement. You come gliding into our lives smelling like roses. But you don't Shelby you just don't."

Shelby gripped the steering wheel tight in her hand, her knuckles turning white under the pressure.

"Rachel don't talk like that. If you want to talk let's talk. No insults, like adults."

"Fine," replied Rachel angrily. Shelby pulled the car into a lay-by, and turned the ignition off. She wanted her eyes on Rachel as they chatted, showing her full attention.

"You don't get to do this Rachel, you don't know what happened."

Rachel looked at Shelby in anger, "ok how's this for a synopsis, you poor teenager, approached by gay couple they put their sperm in you, you give birth you fuck off with money. I was a business transaction. You were paid for services rendered, and then didn't fancy it afterwards."

Shelby finally felt her calm facade disappear, "Your precious fathers made me sign a contract saying I wouldn't contact you! I wanted to be in your life Rachel, they wouldn't let me! So don't be blaming me, blame them."

"Don't you dare blame my father's for you own selfishness? Especially when they can't defend themselves."

"Open your eyes Rachel your dads weren't perfect. They were petty, shallow and scared. They were so scared I would take you away they banned me from seeing you."

"Whatever Shelby, you were still selling yourself, how does that make you feel? You come here now in some smart suit from your successful teaching job, but guess what I've got an analogy for you... what do you call a prostitute in an Armani dress?"

The car stayed quiet the only sound was the heavy breathing of the two occupants. Rachel glared at Shelby before answering, "A fucking prostitute."

The last thing Rachel saw was an angry hand heading towards her.


	46. Not a chapter

I'm sorry to say this, but this story is on hiatus at least until January. I have been struggling to write for a while, due to personal reasons.

However today I got the phone call from my cardiologist, and my last heart scan well it's not good...I have to make a decision, and I need the time and space to do so. I don't want to write something that's forced or substandard. I'm sorry if that's disappointing for people. I am also sorry that certain people are finding out about this through an update on fan fiction... I should have been honest about how bad my health has got.

So I hope you will be patient with me, thanks for all the reviews and support people have given this story over the last year.


	47. Chapter 46

Chapter 46.

Ok kiddies...firstly not a real chapter more of a teaser. Because I did say I would communicate in January and well it's the 31st...

Health issues still there. So here's the rub...

I have refused the pacemaker, because well they suck...

Good news= heart had stopped deteriorating but is still a bit shitty, but does mean I perhaps have longer to live than originally thought so that's good news I think?

Bad news= I could still in theory drop dead at any moment, if my heart decides to stop again... I blame my heart for my generally lazy outlook on life, why bother cleaning my room, if my heart lacks the energy then so does my arms and legs... but that excuse doesn't tend to work with family or housemates. Though I will continue to use it as an excuse to be a lazy shit, because what's the point of having a crappy heart if you can't milk it for say someone doing your washing for you...(that is aimed at a certain person who I know will be reading this...)

Anyway, I am off travelling around America for a few months in March, so I am going to aim to get this story finished before I go. No promises...

NayaFan hope you like the little update.

...

Quinn sat on her bed. She hated being alone. No, she hated being alone with her thoughts. She liked being alone in a room full of people, being there but at the same time not being there. She could play a role, confident, proud, strong. Not alone. No when she was alone, with arms wrapped around her body, her own worst enemy appeared. Self-hatred always filled her body it was her core stability, the one certainty in her life. That was the concrete on which the rest of her life was built around. Quinn needed facts, a system of core beliefs in order to build deductions. If the original premise was a fallacy where did it leave her? Quinn could not handle the loss of such a premise. Quinn over analysed everything, from the way being acted to the words people chose. This process was exhausting, it had aged Quinn irreversibly, but at the same time she had regained a small pocket of innocence. A strong and over-powering desire. A desire that was at odds with her meticulous emotionless thought process. She wanted to trust. Trust, such a simple word that held so much confusion the young blonde. It didn't make any sense to her. The logical part of her mind, her over analytical nature, she knew how to play the game. She had played it so well for years. She could manipulate, she could deceive and most importantly she could control. Control that was the word. Control was the most important thing to Quinn. Yet here it was slipping from her fingers and part of her felt relief, like a weight had been lifted. But that relief was tainted, she was weak. That relief was a sign of weakness. She felt disgust in herself for giving in to such a base human weakness. Quinn has conditioned herself to not give in to such pathetic wishful thinking. She stood up in frustration.

This is why she hated being alone, being alone on her own, meant she couldn't block out her own thoughts. Quinn sighed to herself, "I'm fucking insane," she finally whimpered out loud.

...

Santana and Brittany just sat there neither knowing really what to say or do.

"I wonder how Rachel and Shelby are getting on?"

Brittany coughed to cover her slight smile, "I'm sure Rachel is being her usual wonderful self."

Santana couldn't help but smirk in response, "yeah."

Silence once again filled the room, they both sat awkwardly. "What are we going to do about Quinn?"

Brittany sighed, "I really don't know... I just don't know how to relate to her. I feel for the first time we have actually cracked her wall a little bit, but I don't how to handle that. She won't communicate so how do we know if we are doing something right? Or wrong?"

"Well that was a pretty apt rounding up of the situation but I am aware of the circumstances so the synopsis was unnecessary."

"Shut it smartass," replied Brittany, "it was more to centre my own thoughts, than for your benefit."

Santana rolled her eyes. Though that comment had the effect of allowing silence to blanket the room once more.

...

Shelby was looking at Rachel incredulously, "you didn't flinch..."

Rachel looked back at her in contempt, "of all the things to focus on, you zero in on my reaction, let's just ignore the fact you went to hit me."

"But I didn't hit you..."

Rachel snorted at her, "you still lost control even if it was for a split second."

"I'm only human," replied Shelby in defence. "The important thing is I didn't hit you..."

"Let's see if Santana sees it the same way."

"That isn't going to work Rachel, Santana might be a threat to you but she's not a threat to me."

"I guess we'll see won't we," replied Rachel. Shelby in response just smacked her head on the steering wheel...


End file.
